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Mum's struggles

Jools 58

Registered User
Jan 6, 2015
1
Wallsend
A couple of weeks befor Christmas mum got distressed, as she couldn't recognise her own home, her carer found her in the street, she was admitted to hospital and treated for a uti. While she was in hospital, she had a couple of mini episodes, where she would lie in bed clasping her fist close to her chest, pleading for the bad boys to stop hitting her. Mam started to recover and she was getting back to her old self, even though she would sit at the nurses station, ( she used to be a nurse) doing her job, last fri mam was deemed to be fit enough to be transferred to a dementia unit. Mam hated it, it was a mixed unit, and people would wander in and out off her room, Mum would beg me to take her home, & I felt she wasn't ready for some where like that, so I brought her home Yesterday. Today (this am) she was a little confused, but she was ok, this afternoon when I called, mam didn't recognise the house again, and wanted me to take her home, saying it wasn't her house, I'm at my wit's end as to what to do next. I always promised her I would never put her in a care home, and i don't want to, but I'm unsure how we will cope with this. Please has anyone got any advice for me.?
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,072
Scotland
I don't see how any of us can promise anything as we don't know the future. We do our best to protect and help but that is really all we can do. Has your Mum been assessed by social services to see what they can do to help? If not get it done soon as they will need to be on board if she does have to go into care and might be able to provide enough in house care to keep her at home.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,706
leicester
Hi and welcome to TP.

Maybe now is the time to get SS involved with an assessment for your Mum, not with a view to a CH but with some support for you.

If it ever comes to a CH being the safest place for Mum please remember that most CHs are good, we only hear about the bad ones.
 

Saffy123

Registered User
Jan 5, 2015
1
New to this

I have a relative with moderate stage dementia, on treatment but can be very delusional, paranoid and aggressive. Just don't know what to do or how to help. On medication not sure if it's side effects or sudden worsening of disease. 7 hours later is like a different person. ..reasonable and docile. Is refusing all assessments but I've booked one anyway. Is that wrong. My dad can't do this on his own
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,072
Scotland
I have a relative with moderate stage dementia, on treatment but can be very delusional, paranoid and aggressive. Just don't know what to do or how to help. On medication not sure if it's side effects or sudden worsening of disease. 7 hours later is like a different person. ..reasonable and docile. Is refusing all assessments but I've booked one anyway. Is that wrong. My dad can't do this on his own
You are right to step in and request an assessment as a first move to getting help. The more contacts you have the more likely the available services are going to come to his aid. Getting a break for the carer is as important as getting actual care for the person with dementia and these are things you need to discuss with the assessor.