Mum's still in hospital & I'm hanging in there

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Canadian Joanne, Oct 24, 2006.

  1. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    It will be 4 weeks tomorrow that my mother was committed to hospital because of her violence & aggression. During this time frame, my sister flew up from Montreal & we had meetings with the home & hospital, and my husband & I went to Paris for a week (will post something in the tea room one of these days).

    When we came back from our holiday, we found that my miother has lost her ability to walk & also feed herself. The multiple changes between nursing home, emergency room, psychiatric special care room (complete with restraints) and finally geriatric mental health unit proved to be too much for my mother & she rapidly lost her walking & feeding abilities.

    Then last week I heard from the SW at the hospital that the nursing home might not take my mother back. This entailed me phoning & running to the home to see them etc. I had suspected that the general manager of the home had doubts, because apparently family members of the residents my mother had assaulted were complaining loudly - this, of course, is completely understandable. I went Thursday unannounced for a face-to-face with the director of nursing and the general manager. I do think they were toying with the idea but my main complaint was not that they were considering not taking Mum back, it was that that fact was not made crystal clear to us. I understand some family members raise stinks but I am a very reasonable person and it would be much easier for me to at least be more aware of the lack of interest in taking her back. It would have given me the opportunity to start looking around etc etc etc to make other arrangements.

    But they will take her back - now it's just a matter of the bureaucracies sorting it out amongst themselves.

    It did take its toll on me so I'm glad I spent 120€ on a top in Paris!!

    As for her losing her abilities, she was teetering on the walking part anyways. I think all the brouhaha simply accelerated the process.

  2. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Hi Joanne. Just wanted to commiserate with you about the uncertainty of your Mum returning to the NH. Like you, I find 'not knowing' much harder to deal with than having the facts presented honestly.

    I'm so sorry to hear your Mum has declined so much recently, but glad you had a short break in Paris. (That top must be beautiful! :) ) Nell
  3. Stimpfig

    Stimpfig Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    Hi Joanne

    That running around surely must be taking its toll. I remember you reporting about your mum's aggressive behaviour earlier too . It seems to have lasted a long time, hasn't it ? Were there any quiet periods in the interim ? It's sad that she has lost her walking and feeding ability. Curse this disease.

    It has come as a surprise to me that a home in Canada is refusing to take her back. Homes in India are not equipped at all to deal with behaviour of this kind so much so that they tell you straight away that they do not take patients with Dementia and use words like "their behaviour is a nuisance to others'.It's turning out to be a big social problem with the family structure breaking on the one hand and support systems non-existent on the other.

    Hope the holiday has given you renewed energy and strength to deal with what's in store for you.

    With best wishes
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Hi Joanne, just wanted to say "thinking about you". So sad, the situation you find yourself in, and how confused your mum must feel. No answers, just hugs.
  5. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Yes, aggression & violence seem to be big components in my mother's disease. We had good days & bad days. Unfortunately, her bad days were so spectacular, they completely overshadowed her good days.

    She has been going downhill and very aggressive with it since the beginning of 2006. But we've had good days & good times in all of it.

    Yes, there is a process here in Ontario for removing very aggressive residents of nursing home. We had a high profile case a few years ago where an elderly man was admitted to a nursing home & he went on a rampage & killed his roommate within a week or so. So of course everyone thinks of that. But, as I found out, it's not so easy to get rid of a resident. They have to apply to the Ministry of Health & so on. A long process.

    With my mother now in a wheelchair, it really should be so much easier for us. But she still can be aggressive, hitting out, punching, trying to bite, all those attractive traits of AD. So some of the staff at the home are frightened. Too bad. They could find other jobs. I no longer have much sympathy for the staff. Some have been incredibly good - there's one nurse there who should be some major prize - all the family members love her. But the "scared" staffers are simply going to have to learn to deal with it. My mother has a terminal disease & that's my priority.

    Just found out yesterday that my ex-boss of over 22 years died Wednesday - he was only 58. It really has been a very intense time the last couple of months.

    Yes, Paris was wonderful. It sure helped me gird my loins for the next interesting times.

  6. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I don't think it's that simple, I do feel sorry for nurses and other people who get hit or bitten and sometimes seriously injured by those they are trying to look after. Not so easy either for them to find other jobs or for the homes to find suitable staff.



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