My mum is nearly 88 and has some kind of dementia - we do not know what type as she has refused to visit the doctor or allow a home visit. There is no diagnosis. GP is persistently unhelpful anyway. Her self-care is non-existent; she will not wash herself or her clothes and insists on wearing the same T-shirt, cardigan and trousers every day. She says all the other clothes in her wardrobe are 'not hers' and refuses to wear them along with new clothes both me and my brother have bought for her. She will not eat anything except chocolate and cake. We asked SS for an assessment with both me and my brother present - they agreed she needed care. My husband works for an excellent care organisation (recommended by SS before the SW knew my husband worked for them). This was three weeks before Christmas - we organised a care package of twice daily visits, although she was quite difficult she was looking forward to the visits which began last week. First three days - visits worked like a dream, the relief was enormous. Mum has a highly unsuitable dog; carers were amazing with him, and even encouraged mum on little walks. Mum hugged carers and called them her 'new friends'. Fourth day - refused to let carers in, was rude and shouted at them saying they weren't coming in her house. I have looked after mum for many years - probably longer than I should have. My husband also helps me. Mum now seems to absolutely hate me - if I visit, something will set her off shouting and screaming at me. I dread the visits, and think it's not doing her any good as everything - everything is my fault; I started the 'horrible women' coming, I want her house, I want her dead. SS are trying to get the doctor to visit - they told me this was sorted, the GP surgery sent a healthcare assistant to do a blood test! Mum would not let them in. I have reached the point where I can no longer visit. The house is unlocked as she can't lock the doors, the dog isn't being fed except when my lovely, patient husband goes round. She cannot hear anything as she has refused to wear hearing aids for months having been reliant on them for 20 years. I have tried to explain she must allow the carers to look after her or she cannot stay in her house - my brother has also explained this. Mum is much calmer with my brother who visits very rarely as he lives 1.5 hours away and is often away for work. SS are helpful and the SW is sympathetic, and is trying to get doctor to visit so she can be referred to mental health services. Can someone advise what is likely to happen now? I cannot care for her, my husband can shop, clean and care for the dog, but cannot help with self-care. Mum has always been stubborn ('bloody-minded' according to my brother), but it's clear to me we cannot go on like this. At wits' end.