Mums nursing home may be closing!!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by doelani, Oct 18, 2006.

  1. doelani

    doelani Registered User

    Aug 2, 2006
    Mum is in a EMI unit in a board run nursing home. There has been an announcement that 2 homes withing the board area is to clsoe and today we were informed mums home is on the shortlist to close:confused:

    what will happen? will the board have to find her another home? I cannot go through the stress of trying to find her another home, she was in a nursing home for 2 years before tehy decided they could not handle her any more, she then spend 2 months in hospital until an EMI bed was found for her.

    Mum is now immobile and does not even knwo us, she can only say the odd word and even then does not make any sense. I really cannot bring her home as I spend 5 months in hospital this year after having a breakdown and do not know what to do.

    We will not know until January if her home is to be closed then if it is date for closure will be before the end of 2007. Surely after being in a home since 2003 the board would not just tell us to sort it?

    When the home phoned today to inform us we asked what will happen? will the board find her somewhere else? and the staff could not tell us. They just do not know.

    Sorry to bother you I am just so worried.
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Doelani,
    I can imagine how worried you are, but you must try and keep yourself calm. Deep breaths, and lets think logically.
    1. At the moment there is no definite decision as to whether the home is to close, and you will not know until January; so all your worry may be over nothing.

    2. They are talking about possible closure at the end of 2007, that means there will be about 10 months to find a new home if you need to. Plenty of time to start looking around.

    3. It may well be that as your mum's condition has deteriorated, and she is now bed bound, Nursing Homes will be more ready to take her; maybe even the one she was in previously.

    There is no need for you to do anything immediately; you will not be expected to look after mum. If needs be, is there any one who will be able to help you with decisions, in the New Year?

    There is nothing for you to worry about this evening - try and relax. You have obviously struggled with your own health this year, you must look after yourself.
    Love Helen
  3. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I'm sorry to hear this and you must obviously be very worried, as would anyone in your position.

    There's not much I can add to the excellent advice that Helen has given you. Obviously your mother can not be thrown out on the street and nor can they try to make you take her to live with you. Would you be happy for them to find her an alternative place if necessary? Personally I would feel that I had to look around myself, although I would take whatever help they offered with that.

    When you say 'the board' do you mean the local authority or something else :confused:
  4. doelani

    doelani Registered User

    Aug 2, 2006
    Thansk for the replies

    Yes the board is the local authority. She was in a private nursing home for first 2 years but she got to the stage she was being agressive and wandering off they wanted her out. This is no longer an issue but I would not want her going back there as I felt they treated her badly, they said she needed reassessed at hospital and the day I took her they sent a care assistant with us and basically she told doctor the home was not happy with her coming back as they did not have the staff to look after her. She was admitted to hospital to be assesssed and 1 week later we were advied that she needed EMI care, which we agreed with and when I called at teh nursing home to collect some more clothes for her they had her stuff all packed up in a store room, they had already allocated her room to someone else before we had even found her somewhere else or agreed to her being moved.

    I do not see the point in lookig at other homes for her as only about 3 or 4 in her area have EMI care and the board runs most of them and until we know which homes are closing no point really. I knwo we have loads of time, once we hear in January we can speak to her Care Manager and see if they will find her another place. I just coudl not look after her , although I would love to. She can no longer do anything for herself and I jsut do not feel I cold cope with her.

    The home she is in is probally the largest of the ones in the areas, approx 60 residents plus 10 in EMI unit. That is a lot of people to find other places for and as all the homes have waiting lists I cannot understand why they are closing 2 of them. Seems mad.

    Sorry for going on . Thanks for your support
  5. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Don't apologise for being worried, it is a shock for you. Thankfully your Mum is oblivious to all the worry.

    I can only back up everything Helen and noelphobic have said.

    The only thing you can do is wait for the decision, nothing you do can change that, whatever the outcome your Mum won't be put out on the street, there will be a place for her.

    If you have a social worker, then maybe you could contact them to let them know how you feel about the nursing home she was previously in and your own health problems, just in case the home closes.

    Look after yourself

  6. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I think this is not altogether unusual sadly. My mum was in a council run home after my dad died but the social worker would not agree to her staying there permanently because it was under threat of closure and in fact it did subsequently close. I don't know of any long stay council run homes in our area any more!

    She was in an EMI 'care' home after that for nearly a year until she fell and broke her hip. They couldn't get her off their books fast enough and were on the phone by the minute, asking us to collect her belongings and offering to pack them up for her! At this point we had not agreed to her being moved elsewhere and this later formed part of a complaint against the home.

    I can see that there would be no point in you looking at other homes at present but I would still try to retain some say in the decision as to where she should be moved should her present home close. I know it can be very stressful finding a residential place (having been through it twice in 12 months!) but I think you would feel better knowing that you played some part in the decision making process.

    You don't have to explain to anyone here, or anyone else for that matter, why you can't have her to live with you. If a home with trained staff couldn't cope with her then I don't see how any individual could really. You obviously care for her a great deal and want the best for her.

    Let us know how things go.
  7. doelani

    doelani Registered User

    Aug 2, 2006
    I would love to have her here but just could not cope, I have 2 kids and 3 stepkids. My children have not even visited their nanny since last December as it upsets them so much. I just feel I have let her down but I could not cope with her personal needs. Before she went into the home 3 years ago she spent 16 weeks in hospital while we found her a home and I said at the time I wanted to bring her home with me. At the time she was mobile and although confused we coped with her and I used to take her out 2 or 3 times a week. At the time the nursing staff and her Care Manager told me it was to much to take on she needed specalist care. What hope have I now ? If she came here she would have to stay in her bedroom as we have to many stairs and she cannot walk. Is that fair on her? In the home they put her into a chair and she sits in the lounge. So although she knows no difference I would not want her lying in bed all day.

    Thanks again everyone.

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