Mums now got permanent placement

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by SueShell, May 15, 2015.

  1. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    SS spoke to me this morning and told me after Mums very long respite that the Panel had approved Mums permanent placement in the nursing home! I'm relieved but also really sad. She does ask me when is she going home and I just say she can't go home until she's put on weight. As the medication is now kicking in she is putting on weight cause she's got her appetite back and some!!!! She's seen me gradually add things from home to her room like little lamp, vase, pictures, fruit bowl etc but never says anything. In fact she said what a lovely flower vase and where did I get it. I said its yours Mum, but she didn't know it was hers.

    Now the chore of clearing out her flat. Makes me sad because that WAS her life and makes me feel awful its going. The other part of me is pleased and relieved that she's in such a caring and lovely NH when I could no longer cope. I couldn't have found a better home for Mum to spend the last part of her life in.

    A selfish thought, although I visit her every other day I could actually have a holiday this year knowing she's being well cared for. Me having a holiday? Who'd have thought it six months ago, how circumstances have changed. Big hugs to everyone, Sue xx
     
  2. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    It is NOT selfish to think about a holiday! I'm sure your mum would want you to have one, after all the stress and worry. And she'd want you to have a lovely one, and enjoy it, I'm sure.
    I am so glad your mum's placement has been made permanent at last, and that you're so happy with the care home.
     
  3. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    My son is about to fly the nest. Ever since he was born I have worried about him. Obviously I have enjoyed his company, loved watching him grow but now it is at the stage where he is leaving me to start a new life independently. This is the right thing and I have all the guilt of was I a good enough mum, have I taught him enough to keep him safe in that big world.
    Now your mum is at the other end of this life journey and hers has brought her to a lovely caring and sounds fabulous care home. You are the one carrying the worry and the guilt. You really cannot change what is happening any more than I can. It is right for your mum just as it is for my son.
    As for a holiday, you totally deserve one. You really do. You have had a tough journey yourself and are in need of a good battery charge. You can do this in the full knowledge that your mum is settled and very well cared for. Now get planning (that's my second favourite bit of a holiday)
     
  4. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    566
    So relieved for you Sue, as you say it's sad news and good news at the same time. It's a big adjustment to make for you more than Mum in some ways but absolutely the right thing for both of you. And oh my goodness yes have a holiday, you have more than earned it, totally deserve it and this time you can really relax and enjoy it.
     
  5. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    637
    That's great news sue. Such a relief. :)
     
  6. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I'm so relieved for you Sue, now you can focus on your own health and yes! a holiday for sure, you really deserve it.

    You can also now focus on caring for your mum without the worry and stress that it caused you for so long, knowing she is well cared for and safe. It is sad having to clear her things, but a huge relief for you. You've done an amazing job and fought your corner xxx
     
  7. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Thanks everyone for your best wishes. I still feel bad that I couldn't continue caring for her but as Mum has always been very difficult, objectionable and awkward pre Alz these traits just got worse and worse where having plates of food thrown at you and slaps round the face became the breaking point for me. Now we have a much better relationship, she's settled in the NH well, is now eating well, and even cracking jokes in her more salient moments. I'm sure I've done the right thing for her and me. Hugs to everyone dealing with this horrible disease, especially those on the front line so to speak, Sue xx
     
  8. astra

    astra Registered User

    Jul 2, 2014
    55
    I know how you feel I have just arranged for my oh to go in for respite. I have been dreading the day would come and it starts in two weeks time.and of course the oh has not been informed.I just hope that the oh accepts it and then we can get the respite every four weeks or so and then the dreadful time to arrange full time care will rear its ugly head.I suppose it's one step at a time one....best of luck to you ..you deserve a holiday and I must admit I would feel the same way
     
  9. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Sue so pleased you now have certainty re your mothers placement - SS have put you under unbelievable stress over the past months! Thanks for letting us know how well your Mum is doing.

    Do hope you take that holiday, you so deserve it. Don't push yourself too hard to get the flat cleared, your health is important and we don't want you hurting your back. Take care.
     
  10. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    Sue, at last! So much worry for you over the last few months. I hope you get your strength back and feel a little less worried now your Mum is safe and doing OK.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  11. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Sue, i understand completely. My mum has also just gone into care home. Like yours mine was very difficult for many years even before the dementia. This has all changed now she is in the care home. She was always very nice to strangers. After years of drama i feel like i have been chewed up and spat out. I have not had a relaxing day off or worry free holiday for years. Like me its going to take you time to recover. Be kind to yourself. Like me, you did your best against all the odds. Love quilty
     
  12. Maldives13

    Maldives13 Registered User

    Feb 4, 2014
    164
    This is so hard isn't it? Mum had gone into respite for 2 weeks. Now it seems it is permanent ! I just feel I have let her down. It is comforting to know there are other people going through exactly the same! Sorry I don't mean to sound selfish I am just beside myself with grief . Thank goodness you are all here x
     
  13. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    2,734
    South
    Glad to hear things are settled now, Sueshell, and also that you have a better relationship with your mum now. Do have that holiday and try not to feel guilty.
     
  14. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    2,109
    hertfordshire
    Your news made me smile, you so deserve this. I think a holiday is just what you need now, you have been through the mill and back. Glad you have found a place you like for your Mum, take care of you now xx

    Ange
     
  15. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Thanks everyone. Mum had a visit from the psychiatric doctor yesterday morning, and the snr nurse at the NH was there too. My Mum was actually cracking jokes with them! The medication she is now on has made an unbelievable difference to her mood. She is more cheerful, eating for England, she said to me have you brought me a cream cake. I said no, but I'll get you one. Shed only just polished off porridge and a full English for breakfast! She still occasionally asks when is she going home and I say when she puts enough weight on. I can't tell her she's never going home because shell probably get very distressed. The Doctor is keeping her on the same medication and now the carers are going to try and entice her out of bed now her mood is better, starting with a nice bubble bath!

    I am so relieved and so pleased everything has turned out so well after such an uphill struggle with Mum, SS and my own health. Hugs to everyone Sue xx
     
  16. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    This is such great news, both for you and your mum Sue! Now, where are you going for that holiday? xx
     
  17. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    My bathroom is being refurbished first, which leaves me rest of Summer to enjoy. Probably Italy or a Greek Island will be booked up soon.
     

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