Mum's not well and I can't visit her

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by noelphobic, Feb 23, 2007.

  1. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    My mum hasn't been too good over the last few weeks, mainly because she has been having seizures. My sister told me earlier that she had seen her and she didn't seem very well at all and her breathing was shallow. The nh have just phoned to say that she now has a temperature and they think a chest infection may be looming. I am just starting with a cold and was planning to avoid visiting for a few days in case mum caught it, or indeed any of the other residents. The nh agree that it's best for me not to go if I have a cold. It is so frustrating though because I would probably feel both better and worse if I could see her, if that makes any kind of sense!

    I also know that I am going to be more jumpy than usual when the phone rings! The nh phoned me on my mobile, even though I am at home. The landline just rang and it was a wrong number. Luckily the person on the other end was very nice and apologetic, otherwise I would have bitten their head off! My number is similar to a local taxi firm's and I often get calls during the night for taxis. Think it's going to be a long night ...... :(
     
  2. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Brenda, have you thought about visiting but using a mask? Or would that disturb her more, not being able to see your face?

    Jennifer
     
  3. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    The thought had occurred to me. However, where would I get a mask from :eek: There is also the danger that people would see this new look as a vast improvement and advise me that I should wear it always :D
     
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    You can get masks for painting from DIY stores - would that do. If not, what about a scarf round your face?
    Love Helen
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    I have a suspicion that dust masks wouldn't be sufficiently fine to filter viruses. Surely the nursing home should have a stock of medical masks? After all, they can't rely on the care staff always being well.
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Brenda

    Just lots of sympathy. I know what it's like, waiting for the phone to ring at night, hoping it won't, but frightened to sleep in case you miss it.

    The mask sounds like a good idea. You needn't stay long, but it would set your mind at rest.

    Hope everything turns out OK for your Mum.

    Love and hugs,
     
  7. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    My sister saw her earlier today and spoke to the staff to say that she seemed unwell. Her obs, including her temperature, were apparently OK at that point but now her temperature is up. I saw her on Monday night but she was fast asleep in bed, having just had another seizure so she didn't even know I was there. I was away for a couple of days after that and had intended to see her tonight, but this cold had other ideas :(

    My sister said she will pop back tonight and I am a light sleeper so won't sleep through the phone ringing. If someone wants a taxi they will get an earful :eek:
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Have a good night, Brenda. Hope all goes well.

    Love,
     
  9. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    thanks Hazel
     
  10. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Of course, if you felt really vicious, you could take the taxi booking and jsut leave them stranded. Not really suggesting it but....

    Jennifer
     
  11. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I have a friend who has a similar problem and she used to do that :eek: Only problem is you would then need to take the phone off the hook in case they phoned you back to ask where it was :eek:

    The other option is to take their number down and then the next time it's the wee small hours of the morning and I can't sleep I could phone them :) (only joking!)
     
  12. Kriss

    Kriss Registered User

    May 20, 2004
    513
    Shropshire
    I think you are going to have a very long night. It's so difficult and really a no-win situation as if you go and the infection gets worse you will think it it down to you and if you don't go and she deteriorates you will think you should have gone anyway. My mantra is "what will be will be". Your cold may only be allergy at this time of year (mine deteriorated over the last few days - don't suppose your away days were in the same part of the world as mine?). If you go you can try wearing a mask as if your Mum is really poorly she may well not be aware of it anyway. We'll be thinking of you

    Kriss
     
  13. EllieS

    EllieS Registered User

    Aug 23, 2005
    170
    SOMERSET
    Wicked sense of humours

    Brenda/Jennifer

    You're both really funny!

    I do hope you both sleep well and just remember how you must have made your Mum laugh when she was able to 'understand' you more!

    Luv
    Ellie
    x
     
  14. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    In all my born days...

    .. I've never seeen a living soul wearing a mask in a nursing home. The manager of my mum's home strongly urges people with colds to stay away from the home. "It's not just your mum who might get the bug, it's my staff and other residents". Plus , you walking around the home in a mask will put the living fear of God into most people I should think. If I saw a person walking around in a mask I'd assume bird flu had hit us.
     
  15. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    ... if not Bubonic plague.
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,597
    Kent
    Dear Brenda,

    I hope you have better news of your mum this morning, and managed to get some sleep.

    Waitning for the phone to ring is agony.

    Love Sylvia x
     
  17. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    It wasn't too bad a night as it turns out, thankfully. I did get a call just after midnight but it was someone wanting a taxi, surprise, surprise! I've just phoned the nh and they say there isn't any change. She is sleeping a lot but there doesn't seem to be any obvious sign of a chest infection, which is what they orgiinally suspected. The nurse I spoke said it was possible she had had another fit without anyone knowing about it. I know when she has had fits previously they knock her out for quite a while.

    There also seems to be some confusion over contact numbers. I was phoned last night on my mobile, even though I was at home and the landline hadn't rung. The statt member I spoke to last night asked me for my sister's phone numbers, which I know they were given. The nurse I spoke to this morning asked me for my phone number because they only had my sister's, even though they managed to phone me last night on one of the numbers they didn't have :confused: Today the story is that they might have numbers on the computer but not on the file and they can't access the computer out of office hours. I think next time I visit I will definitely need to go through these numbers with them and make sure they have all the relevant ones in all the right places!
     
  18. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Brenda

    Glad things are not too bad this morning. I do hope they're right, and your mum doesn't have a chest infection.

    But the mix up with telephone numbers is very bad. Surely they should have emergency contacts prominently displayed on the front of the file

    Hope your cold is a bit better.

    Love,
     
  19. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Dear Brenda,
    I hope your mum is getting better and that you are resting yourself and taking some time to pamper yourself. I went to see my mum today after work and she was looking very grey and ghastly and was fast asleep. She slept the whole time I was there, ( three hours) she didn't want food or drink, just wanted to kip. I faffed around getting more and more anxious, and the staff came in checked her BP, P, and Temp, and of course everything was normal. There was absolutely no point in my being there and she even growled at me through her slumber to " Go away!"

    Please look after yourself. I reckon nature is telling you to put a brake on and try a little self-cossetting. Kind regards Deborah
     

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