Hi all, new here, good to meet you
My Mum has moderate (?) dementia, struggles to walk and had been feeling isolated and lonely in her big house on a quiet road. For the last 5 months, although she had carers popping in 3 times a day, she was complaining about how lonely she was. And she became a bit of a liability, "accidentally" using her alarm, getting neighbours to do menial jobs for her, forgetting to use her Zimmer frame. She has a lot of local friends, but most of them quite old but she would get a visit from a friend or the church once a fortnight.
We decided it would be best to move her down to a care home near me, one of her two daughters. We talked about it and the new room she would be in, the goodbye party for all her friends, choosing what to take with her, and in particular that we would visit her several times a week so she would no longer be lonely. She couldn't wait to move down, and I even brought the date forward because she kept cancelling the milk, the gardener, the carers and packed every day - including all the contents of the fridge!
The move seemed to go smoothly, but she has always been independent (and relatively demanding!!) and did not like the loss of independence. It seems she also thought she just needed to say it wasn't working out and I would take pity on her and move her in with us (not an option!) - that has been mentioned a few times.
She has been there 10 days now, and is telling staff and the other residents that she was sent here against her will, she had no idea she was moving in until I took her there and left her, and - the best one - I have sold her house and spent all the money on cruises! (Note: I hate the idea of cruises, never been on one, and it has never come up in conversation!). The worrying thing is that the other residents REALLY believe her, and give me the worst looks when I come in to see my mother, having been very friendly on day one. The staff obviously don't know the story but my mother has told them she would like a solicitor.
My mother is also cold and accusative to me, despite us having a very warm and loving relationship for the last 6 years since my Dad died. Each time I go in she glares at me, asks what I have done with the money, demands to be taken home, and it takes 15 minutes to attempt to reassure her and get her to start saying some positives about the home (which is very good). Then the next day, back to square 1. And constantly asking for my sister to visit - who lives 3 hours away.
So I am saddened and bruised from this, but overall wondering what next? I was meant to be the main support for her and the reason for her being in the current home, but I seem to be making the situation worse. And once she has a bee in her bonnet, well. Did I mention she is demanding and stamps her feet til she gets her way...for months if necessary! The home have been of little use in this - they seem understaffed and dealing with a lot. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
My Mum has moderate (?) dementia, struggles to walk and had been feeling isolated and lonely in her big house on a quiet road. For the last 5 months, although she had carers popping in 3 times a day, she was complaining about how lonely she was. And she became a bit of a liability, "accidentally" using her alarm, getting neighbours to do menial jobs for her, forgetting to use her Zimmer frame. She has a lot of local friends, but most of them quite old but she would get a visit from a friend or the church once a fortnight.
We decided it would be best to move her down to a care home near me, one of her two daughters. We talked about it and the new room she would be in, the goodbye party for all her friends, choosing what to take with her, and in particular that we would visit her several times a week so she would no longer be lonely. She couldn't wait to move down, and I even brought the date forward because she kept cancelling the milk, the gardener, the carers and packed every day - including all the contents of the fridge!
The move seemed to go smoothly, but she has always been independent (and relatively demanding!!) and did not like the loss of independence. It seems she also thought she just needed to say it wasn't working out and I would take pity on her and move her in with us (not an option!) - that has been mentioned a few times.
She has been there 10 days now, and is telling staff and the other residents that she was sent here against her will, she had no idea she was moving in until I took her there and left her, and - the best one - I have sold her house and spent all the money on cruises! (Note: I hate the idea of cruises, never been on one, and it has never come up in conversation!). The worrying thing is that the other residents REALLY believe her, and give me the worst looks when I come in to see my mother, having been very friendly on day one. The staff obviously don't know the story but my mother has told them she would like a solicitor.
My mother is also cold and accusative to me, despite us having a very warm and loving relationship for the last 6 years since my Dad died. Each time I go in she glares at me, asks what I have done with the money, demands to be taken home, and it takes 15 minutes to attempt to reassure her and get her to start saying some positives about the home (which is very good). Then the next day, back to square 1. And constantly asking for my sister to visit - who lives 3 hours away.
So I am saddened and bruised from this, but overall wondering what next? I was meant to be the main support for her and the reason for her being in the current home, but I seem to be making the situation worse. And once she has a bee in her bonnet, well. Did I mention she is demanding and stamps her feet til she gets her way...for months if necessary! The home have been of little use in this - they seem understaffed and dealing with a lot. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.