1. topaz70

    topaz70 Registered User

    Feb 16, 2015
    Hi I haven't posted on here for a while things are not good with mum right now. She's changed I knew this would happen but don't make it any easier. Her moods are really bad she's swearing and shouting and causing arguments nearly every day. Dad can't cope with it and says he wants to leave. I'm struggling with it and feel I have failed in looking after my mum. My health is suffering as I can't sleep worrying what mum will do next. How do you cope with it. I have tried listening to her and letting her get it out of a system. Then I get your just take your dad's side I have no one. For 2 weeks I took her to a day centre she's refusing to go back because she says she's not like them people. Doctor has upped her anti-depressants to see if that will help but this last week has been a nightmare. Sorry to rant but needed to let it out. Cried so much feel like I failed
  2. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Rant away, we all do it on occasions. People here will understand. And don't think you've failed, that is utter balderdash! I would say you're coping very well with an extremely difficult situation!
    I don't have words of wisdom, never been in that situation for more than a day or two, but somebody will be along soon to help you. ((((Hugs))))
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello topaz

    I lived with mood swings for years and if only I knew then what I know now.

    I think the best way to deal with it , if you can`t reason, is either to agree with everything your mum says or to walk away into another room if possible. Anything to avoid conflict.

    I realised how frightened my husband was because his life was changing so much and he didn`t understand why. This anger and aggression was the only way he could assert himself.

    There is no way you have failed. We learn by trial and error because dementia is so unpredictable. You are trying your best for your mum and sadly there is no magic wand.
  4. topaz70

    topaz70 Registered User

    Feb 16, 2015
    Thank you its just all getting me down. Mum was so independent and the strong one of the family.
  5. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    You are not a failure as you are still there, and still caring for your Mum and Dad. I agree with GrannieG. Don't ague, don't reason and if you have to leave the room to let the tension clear. I had this for a year and a half with my Mum. I think she was losing her grip on reality and was terrified. She was fighting hard as a result.

    Your Mum is not doing this by choice. Its easy to say when you are out the other side but try to remember if you can.

    Sending you strength to carry on. Cry away love as you will feel better. We all have here, many times.
    Love Quilty
  6. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    hi, yes my mum stopped going to the day centre because in her words "they were not her kind of people", sis and I have given up now and just let her do her own thing
  7. Blondebomber

    Blondebomber Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Both my Mum and Dad have dementia. Dad is the most affected but Mum also has Clinical depression. Some days are hell. Ie today as a Mum says things to Dad and upsets him. Today she kept saying to him. " you don't remember me do you and you used to love me" . No matter what I say she carried on until the mood leaves her. Tonight she was lying on her bed crying loudly for her Mother. I have gone through the full range of emotions and I feel at times just too tired and worn down to respond. I feel that my emotions have flat-lined and I just get through the day, best as I can. I don't feel guilty I just feel sorry for them that after 68 years together it is all now falling apart.
  8. River15

    River15 Registered User

    May 28, 2015
    Hey Topaz70, i'm going through the same thing. Dad finds my mums anger the worst bit and struggles with her moods. All I can say is I feel the same and its is a hopeless feeling. Some days are better than others and the days she's smiling and laughing makes everything a little better. Dementia is a cruel cruel illness and there is no reasoning with it. Thinking of you x
  9. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Really hope increasing anti depressant works, if not get back to gp and insist they try something else. I've been through the wringer with my mum and at times felt so desperate and alone, horrible to witness all the changes. A year ago I really hoped that mum and I could get through this without any medication, but not so. At the moment things are reasonably calm for us and I know this is due to new medication, dr tried upping dose of meds she was previously on, all this did was make her more anxious and she looked like she was in pain. If it is obvious to you that higher dose is not helping and you will know very quickly, get back to gp. Take care, try and get some sleep.

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