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Mum's in a care home but wants to leave?

Debf

Registered User
May 31, 2015
13
Hampshire
Mum has had dementia for about 9 years (officially diagnosed for 6 years) and has lived at home with increasing support and carers. Twice this year she has been hospitalised with two different fractures in her vertebra. After the first stay I got her into respite care as the hospital wanted to discharge her as they could do no more. She stayed for about 3 weeks but got very depressed at not being at home. I was hoping she'd love it there as its a fantastic care home. Anyway, home she went in April with extra care going in. Some care was accepted but some wasn't working. She can't remember that she has a bad back until she tries to move, can't remember the earlier hospital stay or why she's where she is.
After the recent hospital stay, a room became available in the same care home. Mum is so confused and the nursing staff shared our concerns about her returning home. A social worker saw her and assessed her as having capacity to choose where she was discharged to. I sent an urgent email outlining our concerns and the next day she was assessed as not having capacity so was discharged to the care home. My daughter and I have put personal possessions in her room, labelled her clothes and signed the contract with the home. She likes it there but wants to be in the house she has lived in since the mid 50's. She really isn't safe at home and although there is a team of family, friend and carers going in, we worry she will end up on the floor and won't press her alarm again. She doesn't remember if she's eaten, is incontinent, and forgets how to use things in the house.
The manager of the home is going for Deprivation of Liberty but worries that they will catch her on a good day (she comes across as an intelligent woman that does everything for herself)! If that is the case what can I do?
She really is in the best place and won't cope back at home. She has her own home and a lifetime of savings so she is fully funded - money isn't an issue as although my brother thinks of it as his inheritance, Dad died leaving her well provided for. It's her money! Sorry went a bit off track there ........... anyway, what can I do if they don't approve the DOL?
 

Champers

Registered User
Jan 3, 2019
234
I feel your anxiety totally. My mother is exactly the same and as is so common with PWD, they still believe that they are perfectly fine and can function independently. Like yourself, having got my mother into a fantastic CH, I started panicking that some well meaning professional would override my decision and insist that she was returned home.
It sounds like you have plenty of evidence to substantiate lack of capacity. And, if she’s already been assessed as not having capacity, you can refer to that. My mother thinks she can still convince everyone that she is fine but you only need to spend a bit of time talking to her and the conversation quickly gets stuck in a repetitive loop. She tells everyone, very lucidly, that she always cooked herself a hot meal three times a day despite the overriding fact that she was losing weight at an alarming rate. Perhaps, asking her about her back condition in front of a third party might also give addition evidence? If she forgets that she’s had hospital treatment or even that she has an issue, that’s very strong indicator of her loss of reasoning. I’ve no doubt the CH will have made observations and notes too.
As so many others on here will confirm, almost without exception, PWD always talk about and want to go home but it’s more about wishing to return to a place in the past where they were younger, fitter and in happier times.
 

Debf

Registered User
May 31, 2015
13
Hampshire
Thanks for the advice champers. I'll write down all the examples in the past year. I'm terrified that she'll be allowed to go home x
I feel your anxiety totally. My mother is exactly the same and as is so common with PWD, they still believe that they are perfectly fine and can function independently. Like yourself, having got my mother into a fantastic CH, I started panicking that some well meaning professional would override my decision and insist that she was returned home.
It sounds like you have plenty of evidence to substantiate lack of capacity. And, if she’s already been assessed as not having capacity, you can refer to that. My mother thinks she can still convince everyone that she is fine but you only need to spend a bit of time talking to her and the conversation quickly gets stuck in a repetitive loop. She tells everyone, very lucidly, that she always cooked herself a hot meal three times a day despite the overriding fact that she was losing weight at an alarming rate. Perhaps, asking her about her back condition in front of a third party might also give addition evidence? If she forgets that she’s had hospital treatment or even that she has an issue, that’s very strong indicator of her loss of reasoning. I’ve no doubt the CH will have made observations and notes too.
As so many others on here will confirm, almost without exception, PWD always talk about and want to go home but it’s more about wishing to return to a place in the past where they were younger, fitter and in happier times.
 
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Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,696
I had the same worry. Mum was increasingly unsafe at home so I moved her to a home near me. She would never have agreed so I fudged where she was going and for how long. She tried to get out and made it very clear she didn’t want to be there. The home applied for DoLS and I was worried mum would convince them she was fine, though the home assured me she was in the right place.
Anyway she was assessed and it was agreed she’d lost the capacity to make decisions as to where she should live. Phew! It didn’t stop her going on about finding a solicitor to argue her case or trying to find a phone so she could call the police. Six months down the line she’s settled somewhat.
Edited to correct weird auto correct!
 
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Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,375
Have you actually got a date for the Dols assessment yet? There's usually quite a long waiting list for these. In my Mum's case she had two Dols assessments in different care homes and both didn't take place until 6 months after the care homes had submitted the request as the local authority had a big backlog. You may find that the assessment doesn't take place for some time yet - the care home manger should be able to give you a rough idea of the waiting time for assessments in your area.
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,287
I was a bit worried about the DoLS when my mother moved to a care home, but she has been there now for nearly two years and it still hasn't been done! There is a long waiting list, I was told it was often over two years. She likes it there and never mentions her previous home, so it doesn't really matter. But I assume if a resident constantly asks to leave, they would try to expedite it.