1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Not a major issue, folks, but a sad situation. As you know, mum went into the care home in August. She made "friends" with a very odd lady, Netta, no-one understands why mum made friends with her, she was a very obnoxious person at time, very nasty towards my mum (and everyone else), but sometimes also very loving, but somehow a relationship was forged. Netta went into hospital a couple of time over the winter, for short spells, and mum missed her like mad, and was so glad to have her back "home". Then Netta went into hospital before Easter and didn't come back. She died last Sunday. Mum cried about it. Mum doesn't cry.

    The funeral is on Monday and I have cancelled my lectures and tutorials in order to take mum to the funeral. I wouldn't do that normally, even for a family funeral, but I feel Netta's death is significant to mum. She was her friend, for whatever reason, in her new Care Home, her new home. So we are off the the funeral and ****** work.

    Anyway, just telling you all. I suppose it is inevitable that people in care homes die. Just sad that it was mum's first friend, and she hasn't really made any other friends.

    Bye for now

    Margaret
     
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Margaret,
    Your post was so sad to read. I send you my condelences.
    It is so unusual for a friendship like that to develope in this terrible illness. What ever the reason that it happened, for your Mother to loose a friend is doubley sad for you Mum.
    I do hope all goes well for the funeral.
    I wish you all the best.
    Christine
     
  3. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Margaret,
    My Mum also made a very good friend in her nursing home and they would spend much of the day together in Mum's room. They had parallel conversations, as they were both quite deaf and couldn't hear properly what the other one said. Sometimes I would find them both asleep in their armchairs!

    Mum was 82 and her friend was 97, so I did worry about what would happen if Mum's friend died. However it was my Mum who had an unexpected heart attack and died first. The other lady looked for her and kept asking when she was coming back. I let the nurses give her Mum's soft toys, pictures and ornaments, so she still had something familiar to remind her of Mum.

    The old lady had an uncanny resemblance to my grandmother and I wonder if Mum thought that she was her mother. It could be that your mother's friend reminded her of somebody in her past.

    There is an old lady at my Church, who is in a Care Home and she has made a special friend at the age of 98. I don't think it could be that unusual for elderly people to form new friendships in residential care homes and social activities should be encouraged, so people have a better quality of life.

    I hope that going to the funeral helps your Mum and she is able to make a new friend soon.

    Kayla
     
  4. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Yes, it is very sad. Eeh, Kayla, I can't imagine that Netta reminded my mum of anyone in her family. She was Scottish, with a very thick Scottish accent and used lots of Scottish words. I don't think mum understood a word that she said, and she was often quite nasty in her remarks to mum - but cos mum was deaf, she didn't hear most of it.

    I am really looking forward to meeting her relatives at the funeral as I would love to know what she was like in her youth. I bet she had red hair and a temper to match!

    Anyway, mum is pleased I am taking her to the funeral. She is worked up about only having a red coat to wear, but I pointed out that Netta always wore bright colours, so that satisfied her.

    Thanks for your sympathy.

    I now hope that mum will make a new friend.

    Love

    Margaret
     
  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear Margaret,

    I am sorry to hear that your mum's friend passed away I hope that your mum handles the funeral alright.

    I feel for your mum it will be a sad lost to her as making friends in care situations can be hard.

    A lady mum always sits with went off to hospital with a bad infection I thought mum would miss her but she didn't even notice she wasn't there. A blessing in disguise I guess.

    I also hope that your mum soon befriends someone. Love Taffy.
     

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