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Mum's first night in a home. Help!


Registered User
Sep 23, 2014
This is only my second post. My husband and I were looking after mum who has Alzheimer's and Vascular Dementia from last July until March this year in her own home in Norfolk (I was on leave from work). My husband and I were still willing to look after mum if she moved back with us to York but she didn't want that. She didn't want to have carers in her home either and was adamant she wanted to leave her home and the area. My other sister took over from us in April on leave from work and arranged for her to go into a home an hour from her in Somerset. Mum moved in today assisted by 2 of my sisters. They have just left and mum has phoned me twice. She is adamant she is leaving tomorrow and does not want to be there and my sister told me she is threatening to kill herself. Any advice helpful. Will she settle? What is the best thing to do?


Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
West Midlands
Oh it's so hard isn't it xx

From my personal experience, I would leave it a couple of weeks for your mum to "settle" I would have a word with the care home and ask them to only allow mum to phone you once a day if she really needs to

When I first moved mum into care, she had a phone in her room... I Thought it was a good idea..... It wasn't. She would ring me up to 6 times in an hour if she wasn't otherwise diverted away from the phone. We arranged for the phone to "break" and so she could only use the main house phone, under supervision when she was extremely agitated.

Despite the fact mum was agreeable to going into care, and she was busy during the day, it was when she was sundowning, she was constantly on the phone.

Mum has been in care now for over 3 years, content and very settled..... but it still breaks my heart when she asks to go home with me....


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Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
I am another one whose mum would not accept having carers in and has ended up in a home.
I agree with 2jays - it will take at least 2 weeks for her to settle. I never had the problem od phone calls as there arnt any at mum care home, but I bet she would have been on it several times if there had :rolleyes: It sounds hard, but I would suggest that you dont go in an visit her for a few days, or it could upset her more.
I just thought Id add that mum is now settled in her home and has thrived. She now only tends to ask to go home when she has a UTI!


Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
West Hertfordshire
I'd say ''lets see what tomorrow brings'' .
Can you have a word with the nurses on duty? They should be able to offer some reassurance to both you and your mum.

Thinking of you - its hard, but you know its the right thing, hang on in there


Registered User
Sep 23, 2014
Thank you all very much for your very helpful and comforting comments. Will take on board one way phone, not visiting and getting more support from the carers in the home.