Mum's estate

MrsTerryN

Registered User
Dec 17, 2012
769
0
Mum had been gone three months. Oddly enough getting harder not easier.
I miss mum and dad and the dog Cindy.
I just miss them.
The estate has been settled and I was the only beneficiary.
Mum collected certain antiques. Lots and lots so I need to sell and dispose of.
How did people cope ? We as a family have kept the ones that have memories or we just happen to like.
How do I dispose of mum's life time interest in something.
She collected from 1958 .. up until probable 4 years before she died.
I can remember many a Saturday going off for a drive out to the county to look for antique shops.
Thankfully :) no Sunday trading in those days.
There are just so many memories associated with this items.
Ok this was just going to be a simple question :) I do hate being so upset around my family.

Sent from my SM-A800IZ using Tapatalk
 

Cat27

Registered User
Feb 27, 2015
13,057
0
Merseyside
My dad's been gone almost 5 months now. I'm finding it's getting harder not easier too.
I found it incredibly difficult disposing of most of his stuff. I felt like I was relegating his life to bin bags or the charity shop.
No advice just I understand.
 
Last edited:

nicoise

Registered User
Jun 29, 2010
1,806
0
I think we often get caught out with our grief when we least expect to, and often it is tied in with personal possessions - they seem to remind you that you've got those, but not the person :(

If you have room to store the special collection, can you just put it away for now to think what you want to do with it? Perhaps to research whether they are worth selling, where is the best marketplace, or whether there is a central collection they might be added to as a donation. It is difficult, but if you have the luxury of space and time, can you delay making decisions for now?

My mum was a collecter and keeper. I have found it difficult to let go of things which mattered so much to her - but to be honest don't matter to me, other than they were hers. But actually make me sad to see them, so better not to have them! I am slowly doing it. (The most stupid thing was when her old dustpan I'd been using broke, and I cried throwing it away - hmmm! :eek: )

Although I do wonder if not having to make a decision is worse!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,444
0
Kent
I went through the stress of sorting my mother`s `treasured `possessions much of it went to charity shops, some went in the bin and bits shared among the family. It was tough going.

My husband didn`t have possessions. He broke his watch and I gave his wedding ring to our son. His clothes went to charity shops and it was done.
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
0
West Midlands
Seems like I am in the same place as you

4 months 9 days - not that I'm counting - since mum died

Her ashes are still to be dealt with, due to provaricating by sibling. probate happened ages ago, but still awaiting some money from a certain Spanish bank who is being "a challenge". The relationship, if you can call it that, with sibling totally broken down

I have so much stuff of mums still in our house. She also used to run a collectors shop.... she kept the pieces she loved, she kept most of grandparents stuff and great grandparents stuff....

I thought I had dealt with the pain of getting rid of stuff when mum went into care...

I broke the handle on a garden rake that was my grandfathers, I can relate to the tears

I need to make room but it's so hard isn't it

Squishy hug xx
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,589
0
Yorkshire
Three months is such a short time to come to terms with the idea of disposing of treasured possessions. If you can store things a bit longer, try and do that and deal with items bit by bit, once you feel ready.

Just a thought for the future; we were burgled a few years ago and sentimental jewellery that belonged to my grandmother and mother was stolen. Stuff I never wore but would never have been able to bring myself to sell. However, we received an insurance payout and I had great pleasure in selecting some jewellery that I like and enjoy wearing - and every time I put a bit of it on, I remember my mum and my gran.

So maybe when the time is right, sell the collection so that someone else will appreciate it like your mum did, and treat yourself to something really special in memory of your mum.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
That is a great idea Chemmy xxxx

Terry, we have been talking on so bizarre about how horrible and hard it is to clear out a loved ones home when circumstances force you to accept a care home for them - I can only imagine how much harder it is when our loved one has passed away. No real advice - just saying take your time, and sending massive {{{{{hugs}}}}}}} to you and everyone else going through this xxxx
 

MrsTerryN

Registered User
Dec 17, 2012
769
0
Thank you everyone. Great ideas. It is funny we brought out of storage this piece that is worth thousands. However it was not mum's "thing " she bought it fairly close to when dementia started to destroy her life.
I don't feel connected to it at all.
I could happily sell it.
Definitely pick and choosing.
Chemmy thanks I think i will go back to just pottering with mum's things .

Sent from my SM-A800IZ using Tapatalk
 

Toddleo

Registered User
Oct 7, 2015
411
0
Just over 2 months since my mum passed away. I have sorted and donated the clothes and bits as I found that surprisingly easy - mum never took much pride in her appearance anyway.

The jewellery situation was odd, again mum did not wear any jewellery at all, and I was surprised at the odd bits of gold that she had laying around. I kept her original wedding ring, and a ring she got for her 21st, and sold the rest of the gold to a local jeweller. He is making me a replica of a favourite piece of my own costume jewellery using mum's gold.

It feels special and I know that I will wear it for many years to come, and will be able to give it to my own daughter when the time comes, and I know that if I had just held onto mum's odds and s*** of gold they would have just sat in a drawer.
 

Forum statistics

Threads
138,128
Messages
1,993,212
Members
89,789
Latest member
Anne Paterson