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Mum's death

sford91

Registered User
Nov 4, 2015
115
Hi

So my mum died 30/9/20 on her birthday believe it or not at the young age of 62. Mum had frontal lobe dementia and had been in care home for the past 3 years. The home have been amazing with her.

Mum's funeral is Tuesday and i feel like it will all hit me then. But in the grand scheme of things I actually feel okay with mums death. I know its very soon after she's died and obviously i feel sad but i dont feel anywhere near as upset as i thought i would be and i dont know if this is normal? My younger sister is the same really. Im currently on maternity leave and my days are filled looking after my 5 month old baby but on the whole I've been okay.

I just want to know if this okay to feel and is it normal? I know grief comes in waves and effects people differently and i know ill struggle on occasions particularly Christmas and mothers day (which I've struggled with since she's had dementia but overall I'm okay)

Thanks everyone

X
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
63,025
69
Dundee
I’m so sorry for your loss @sford91. Such a hard time to lose someone.

I think what you say is exactly the case. Grief comes in waves and everyone reacts differently. It’s okay to be however you are - if you see what I mean!

I’m glad you’ve shared here and I hope it brings some comfort to be able to talk about it with people who have been where you are. Wishing you strength.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,641
South coast
Please accept my condolences @sford91
There are lots of different ways to grieve and however it affects you - that is normal.

I was the same after mums death. I was so busy organising the funeral and dealing with OH that it all felt rather unreal, as if I were in a play rather than reality. I then felt numb for months, but eventually it did hit me. Christmas and her birthday and times when I would have gone to her to talk things over with her - then there was a huge pang of sadness that she had gone.

Be gentle with yourself. It will be OK
xxx
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
386
So sorry for your loss @sford91
We all react in our own unique way to events and whatever you are feeling is right for you.
Be kind to yourself and I hope all goes well on Tuesday x
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,003
North West
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I don't think we ever know how we will be in the advent of time, but give yourself some space just in case xx
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,746
Essex
Dear @sford91 ,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum and at such a young age. Yes grief comes in waves but when dad was diagnosed with Alzheimers my grief began on that day. Dad passed away last year and I still grieve but my grieving began four years ago. Also I think that a small part of you may be thinking that your lovely mum has been released from this cruel illness and now she is free to fly high. She will be looking over you, your sister and your new baby.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
498
So sorry for your loss of your Mum.

When my Dad died (he didn't have dementia) I thought I would be in pieces, I was a daddy's girl and we were always close. Throughout organising the funeral, and everything else I kept thinking I wanted to be strong for my Mum who was just showing signs of dementia. I grieved, felt lost but didn't really cry and then some months later I sat down to watch his favourite film, something we always did when it was on TV and that was it, it was like the proverbial floodgates opening.

Be kind to yourself, there is no rule as far as grieving is concerned. Take care x
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
938
High Peak
I'm sorry for your loss.

If your mum was in a care home for 3 years and had FTL, I'd imagine you've already done some of your grieving over the past few years, particularly those feelings of anger and unfairness at losing your mum to this terrible illness at such a young age.

When dementia is severe it can be a relief that a loved one is no longer suffering. You and your family are no longer suffering either.

Take care, live your life.
 

sford91

Registered User
Nov 4, 2015
115
Hi everyone

Thank you for your replies. The service was as nice as expected really and we had lovely meal after (covid guidance obviously followed). I think alot of you have summed up how I feel really. Grieving began at the day of diagnosis and and alll the anger etc was early on and at the beginning.

I think Christmas and mother's day will be hard as i struggled on those days anyway since her dementia diagnosis.

Thankyou for letting me vent. Im hoping to get into running over next few weeks to get me out of the house. Watch this space

Sara