Mums coming home.....

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by yak55, Apr 5, 2018.

  1. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    614
    Mum has Alzheimer's disease.
    Last July everything changed.
    My Dad became ill and we cared for mum and dad in our home.
    Dad died in August.
    We continued to care for mum.
    It all became too much.
    A room became available in a nearby CH.
    We took it.


    We now realise that the reason it became 'all too much' was because we were exhausted from caring for my terminally ill Dad along with my distressed Mum.
    We were shattered, grieving, going through paperwork, arranging a funeral etc all while caring for Mum.

    We now realise that Mum needs to come home after 9 weeks in respite care.

    Today I spent over four hours at the home with Mum and what a complete eye opener it was.

    I have let my views be known.

    We will be bringing Mum home tomorrow.

    Mum can toilet and wash herself.
    She can dress herself.
    Make a cup of tea.
    Iron.
    She is mobile.
    She has moderate Alzheimer's.

    We will cope.

    Mum will be with the people who love her.

    Yes, we will have many sacrifices to make.
    Yes, there may be upsets.

    We will do our very best to look after her and make her happy again.

    Mum isn't very happy in the CH.


     
  2. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    161
    Liverpool
    I have been caring for my mum for 13 yrs and living with me 9. Mum is 92 resists assistance and doing personal care is a skill ive learned through my long apprenticeship. Sadly care system cant cope with people like mum, when i had care agency for 8 wks a few yrs ago, came at all times, sent 17 yr old, her first day and a 20 yr old worked for 6m !,,, mum made mincemeat out of them, verbally and they just ticked refusal and left ? O e day , one moved mums commode,mumretaliated, pad was twisted, mum wAsnt taken to toilet and staff started fing and blinding. That was it no more preted care. Yes some of girls, esp ones putting mum to bed were great but no standardisation.ive had cancer op, radiotherapy, chemo, mum in care for 7 months, her 17 teeth not cleaned, she stuck, attacked staff, manager shoting on phone ive got my staff with badly infected wounds on arms and soc services arent paying . Not my problem but vv distressing. I really do wish you well and it can be done xxx
     
  3. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    161
    Liverpool
    People do q me re caring for mum and they only have experience of care homes not emi homes and there is a vast difference . Some reg homes, esp down south r like hotels , sadly not emi , gvt allow them to be so big too eg mum was in 45 and 89 resident as it was short notice , only 1s available
     
  4. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,409
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    Your choice is both generous and reasonable at the moment. You are aware that the your mum's situation is going to get worse, even though it is manageable currently. Nobody can predict when she will need a care home.
    A day at a time. It is better not to try to look too far ahead.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,088
    Kent
    It sounds as if you are being realistic regarding expectations for the future @yak55 . Good luck and best wishes to you
     
  6. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    You know the pitfalls and you certainly had a lot to deal with last year. Being at home with you will give her a little bit of independence with your supervision. In your position I would have done the same. Take care and enjoy the time you have with your mother, let her make as many cups of tea as you can drink and dig out all the old table clothes and other square items for her to iron.
     
  7. smartieplum

    smartieplum Registered User

    Jul 29, 2014
    259
    If it's best for mum AND you, do it. I wish I could. Good luck.
     
  8. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    My circumstances with a poorly husband meant I could not move dad in with me however much I longed to. So I wish you lots of good times for you and your mum and pop back to TP now and then to let us all know how it is going...hopefully well
     
  9. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    614
    What a sad state of affairs Ellaroo I am so sorry, you have been through so much. We will try our hardest, I really don't want Mum anywhere but with me after the experience of a CH.
    Take care x
     
  10. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    614
    Kind words, thank you Margherita x
     
  11. yak55

    yak55 Registered User

    Jun 15, 2015
    614
    I'm so sorry, love.dad.but..., thank you for your good wishes x
     

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