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Mums care home have given her notice after 2 and a half weeks

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
Mum finally went into a care home on 7th July. She'd been going to day care for 7 weeks and loved it, not wanting to go home at the end of the day! When I moved her in she was happy, had a lovely room and was not at all bothered about leaving her home. I was told by the staff that the 4 week trial period was "just a formality" as they knew her and she wouldn't have any trouble settling. She was fine for the first week, then had a small fall and became more "wobbly " on her feet. She also became confused, aggressive towards the staff and critical. Eventually a urine infection was diagnosed and she was started on antibiotics. By then she had been in the home for 11 days
She remained confused, low in mood, tearful and /or angry for several days. She had 4 more small falls, began to wander around and be more demanding on the staff. I constantly asked if this would impact on her being able to stay permanently at the home and was told no it would be fine. One carer told me "they're all like that when they come in, she's not the worst" plus I was reassured that the changes she'd been through, leaving her home, being more restricted would all have impacted on her
Yesterday the manager returned from 2 weeks holiday and phoned me just before 10am to tell me it was obvious mum hadn't settled, she wasn't happy and they couldn't meet her needs. She effectively gave me 4 weeks notice to find her another home. Despite me seeing a gradual improvement in mum since her antibiotics started, and addressing this with her, she seemed to have made her decision and that was that
I am gutted. Not just because of the impact another move will have on mum, but the thought of going through the process of trawling round and finding another home, and quickly. I work full time and am already exhausted by the last few months of caring for mum.I cant believe this decision has been made so quickly, especially after all the reassurances i was given. Many people have expressed disbelief that the home have not taken the UTI into account and given her more time to get over it and see if she settles down. Yesterday I sent most of the day in tears. Today I am just plain angry. Especially as I visited tonight and none of the staff seemed to want to engage with me or even pass the time of day.
The manager herself was leaving as I arrived. I said hello, she nodded, dropped her head and walked out of the door. My son visited with me for the first time and commented afterwards that the staff didn't seem very friendly
Does anyone think I am over-reacting? Both my sisters, (who live abroad) keep telling me just to accept it and that we just need to find her somewhere else. But they don't have to do all the hard work looking and then moving mum again.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
4,771
Salford
How does this home describe itself in its literature, residential home, care home, EMI or what? Do they have a list of specialist areas on the CQC website?
It sounds wrong that if she's in somewhere that said they could meet here needs that after 2 1/2 weeks they find they've made a mistake and dump the problem back with you, although to be fair to the home the falls and the side effects of the UTI probably weren't on the radar when they assessed her.
Before you get too "angry" it may be that if you work with the home (grit teeth as required) that you'll get a better outcome than fighting them, for example could ask if they could recommend local homes that might be better able to meet her needs (off the record). You'd be surprised how far you can get working with the flow rather than fighting against the tide.
K
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
5 "small" falls, an infection in such a short space of time, they obviously have no idea how these things can effect a Dementia sufferer. Does sound like something else is going on here, have you asked to look at accident book, what exactly are small falls? What did they do after each fall? Sorry I have no advice for you just support and really I wonder if this is the right home for your mother. The politics of care homes and how they are run just baffles me.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,950
London
Just goes to show how a home that's perfect from the outside is anything but. Luckily they've shown their true colours very early on. You really don't want to leave your Mum in a place that can't cope with very typical dementia behaviour, so don't fight it. Be angry, sure, then concentrate your energy on finding somewhere better. Unfortunately care homes can give notice for anything they like and there is not much point arguing with it. Say good riddance and find a truly caring, experienced place, that doesn't give up at the first signs of confused behaviour.
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
Mum finally went into a care home on 7th July. She'd been going to day care for 7 weeks and loved it, not wanting to go home at the end of the day! When I moved her in she was happy, had a lovely room and was not at all bothered about leaving her home. I was told by the staff that the 4 week trial period was "just a formality" as they knew her and she wouldn't have any trouble settling. She was fine for the first week, then had a small fall and became more "wobbly " on her feet. She also became confused, aggressive towards the staff and critical. Eventually a urine infection was diagnosed and she was started on antibiotics. By then she had been in the home for 11 days
She remained confused, low in mood, tearful and /or angry for several days. She had 4 more small falls, began to wander around and be more demanding on the staff. I constantly asked if this would impact on her being able to stay permanently at the home and was told no it would be fine. One carer told me "they're all like that when they come in, she's not the worst" plus I was reassured that the changes she'd been through, leaving her home, being more restricted would all have impacted on her
Yesterday the manager returned from 2 weeks holiday and phoned me just before 10am to tell me it was obvious mum hadn't settled, she wasn't happy and they couldn't meet her needs. She effectively gave me 4 weeks notice to find her another home. Despite me seeing a gradual improvement in mum since her antibiotics started, and addressing this with her, she seemed to have made her decision and that was that
I am gutted. Not just because of the impact another move will have on mum, but the thought of going through the process of trawling round and finding another home, and quickly. I work full time and am already exhausted by the last few months of caring for mum.I cant believe this decision has been made so quickly, especially after all the reassurances i was given. Many people have expressed disbelief that the home have not taken the UTI into account and given her more time to get over it and see if she settles down. Yesterday I sent most of the day in tears. Today I am just plain angry. Especially as I visited tonight and none of the staff seemed to want to engage with me or even pass the time of day.
The manager herself was leaving as I arrived. I said hello, she nodded, dropped her head and walked out of the door. My son visited with me for the first time and commented afterwards that the staff didn't seem very friendly
Does anyone think I am over-reacting? Both my sisters, (who live abroad) keep telling me just to accept it and that we just need to find her somewhere else. But they don't have to do all the hard work looking and then moving mum again.
Oh Debbs, that's so unfair of them! I hope you'll soon find somewhere much kinder than this place. Don't waste your energy being angry( we'll do it for you) Just do your best to find that better place...and wishing you all the good luck in the world.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
I agree with the others. This isn't the sort of place I would want for my mum. Two and a half weeks is no time at all to allow for settling in - it looks as though they just want easy to manage residents.

My little mum walked the corridors with her winter coat on for the first six months, refused to bathe and took a swing at one of the staff when she tried to help her wash, .....they took it all in their stride.

Is it a mixed home, ie, do they have non-dementia residents too? Sometimes this can cause problems as those with physical disabilities can, understandably, find those with dementia frustrating to live alongside, which may have given rise to complaints. Would a specialist dementia home be a better option - the staff generally are much more able to cope and just go with the flow.
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
How does this home describe itself in its literature, residential home, care home, EMI or what? Do they have a list of specialist areas on the CQC website?
It sounds wrong that if she's in somewhere that said they could meet here needs that after 2 1/2 weeks they find they've made a mistake and dump the problem back with you, although to be fair to the home the falls and the side effects of the UTI probably weren't on the radar when they assessed her.
Before you get too "angry" it may be that if you work with the home (grit teeth as required) that you'll get a better outcome than fighting them, for example could ask if they could recommend local homes that might be better able to meet her needs (off the record). You'd be surprised how far you can get working with the flow rather than fighting against the tide.
K
They take people with dementia, physical disability and mental health problems. I appreciate your advice and am going to call the home today and ask for some honest answers. I've got some homes on the radar to be fair but they're not the best in terms of CQC reports or generally how they feel when you visit. Its true that when they agreed to take her she wasn't that bad, but they don't seem to understand the impact of the UTI and how long it can take a pwd to recover from that
i WILL FIGHT! Just need to work through my anger first I think!!
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
5 "small" falls, an infection in such a short space of time, they obviously have no idea how these things can effect a Dementia sufferer. Does sound like something else is going on here, have you asked to look at accident book, what exactly are small falls? What did they do after each fall? Sorry I have no advice for you just support and really I wonder if this is the right home for your mother. The politics of care homes and how they are run just baffles me.
This how i feel too and everyone i've spoken to says the same. They should have given her more time to settle down. she only finished the antibiotics yesterday!
Great advice about the incident book. They have put everything in pace to be fair after each fall. My mum isn't the easiest of people and I'm wondering whether the false etc is more of an excuse and its the behaviour thats the issue. But that has been exacerbated again by the UTI. Plus many of the other residents are just the same
you're right though. Maybe this isn't the right home for my mum. I cant remember them doing an assessment when she first went for day care, although that may have been done with her at the time. Certainly on the day they moved her in, I asked one of the seniors if she needed to do an assessment or ask me anything and she just said "No I don't think so as we know her. Has she got any allergies?" The manager gave me a "This is me " form to complete 2 days later and I've done a complete life history on her and bee totally honest! Maybe that was my downfall!!
Back to the drawing board now. Thanks for your help
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
Just goes to show how a home that's perfect from the outside is anything but. Luckily they've shown their true colours very early on. You really don't want to leave your Mum in a place that can't cope with very typical dementia behaviour, so don't fight it. Be angry, sure, then concentrate your energy on finding somewhere better. Unfortunately care homes can give notice for anything they like and there is not much point arguing with it. Say good riddance and find a truly caring, experienced place, that doesn't give up at the first signs of confused behaviour.
Hi Beate
Great advice thank you. It is a lovely looking place and to be fair the staff have been very caring, but I wonder if they can only deal with someone who isn't challenging. although a lot of the residents also have dementia, many of them are quiet and compliant and don't appear to be falls risks. ( Having said that she hasn't had a fall for 4 days now since the antibiotics kicked in)
I need to get over my anger and concentrate on finding somewhere else, You're right. I visited a lovely place yesterday, very person centred, manager was really enthusiastic, lots of activities going on and sensory input. but, no beds and a long waiting list! But I'm going to put her name down. You never know...
Thanks for the support
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
Oh Debbs, that's so unfair of them! I hope you'll soon find somewhere much kinder than this place. Don't waste your energy being angry( we'll do it for you) Just do your best to find that better place...and wishing you all the good luck in the world.
Thank you so much! I'm welling up wIth all the lovely replies and support on here. Much more than i've had from both my sisters, who are abroad, who just seem to think we can bung her in the first place that has a bed! They try and support from afar but they don't get how stressful it is trying to work, visit homes and make decisions. And still visit mum. i've taken a couple of days off work to try and blitz some homes. Its the only way.

so grateful for your support, thank you
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
I agree with the others. This isn't the sort of place I would want for my mum. Two and a half weeks is no time at all to allow for settling in - it looks as though they just want easy to manage residents.

My little mum walked the corridors with her winter coat on for the first six months, refused to bathe and took a swing at one of the staff when she tried to help her wash, .....they took it all in their stride.

Is it a mixed home, ie, do they have non-dementia residents too? Sometimes this can cause problems as those with physical disabilities can, understandably, find those with dementia frustrating to live alongside, which may have given rise to complaints. Would a specialist dementia home be a better option - the staff generally are much more able to cope and just go with the flow.
Thats just what I thought to be fair. I think when mum went to daycare she was a nice, placid cheerful lady who they all over and so were happy to take on. The whole process of losing her home, going into care and then getting a UTI was bound to impact on her, but they don't seem to be able to deal with that. What i find really hard is that the manager had seen none of this, yet was on the phone to me 2 hours after coming back from her holiday to give notice!!
They do have some non- dementia patients but I'd say 2/3 have dementia. I am now looking at dementia specialist homes, making sure I'm honest about mums needs ( not that i wasn't before) and getting proper assessments done
Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
Update on care home

Just to update all you lovely people who showed me so much love and support yesterday. Mums been assessed by a care home today but they also cant take her as she's a high falls risk apparently. It wasn't the best place to be fair so I cant say I was that upset. But the manager was very honest with me and said she just couldn't take mum on at this time due to the complexity of the other residents she already has. Problem is I'm not sure who will if thats the case. Got another home assessing her tomorrow, but its miles away from where I live. I began to wonder if I should be looking at Nursing Homes but the manager said she thought not.
The home where she is left me a message at 7pm last night to ask if I could visit. Apparently mum had been up and down all afternoon looking for me and she was very unsettled and wouldn't sit still. They thought if I went in it might help. I wasn't able to go as I didn't pick up the message straightaway. By the time I rang, it was too late to trek over there, ( its a 30 minute drive)but I could tell that the carer was tearing her hair out. I tried to talk to mum but she couldn't hear me and it was making her more distressed so I hung up. I did think though that they should have been able to manage her behaviour, but maybe I'm being harsh?
I think the issue is that the home don't have enough staff to monitor her while she's like this, but then which home will? She seems to be over the UTI (as in her urine has been re-tested and is clear) so I wonder what else is going on, or maybe she's just exhibiting typical dementia behaviour related to her move and the anxiety associated with that?
I looked at a dementia specialist unit yesterday but the residents were all much more advanced than mum. I need somewhere in the middle, more than residential but not quite an advanced unit , yet. The manager who assessed her today seemed to suggest that people who are high falls risk become safeguarding issues for the homes. It made me wonder whether that impacts on things like the CQC reports, incident reporting etc?
So more phone calls tomorrow and sits over the weekend. And mum remains totally unaware.
 

Caroleca

Registered User
Jan 11, 2014
331
Ontario canada
When u say the other residents r much more advanced than your mom...but yet mom is unaware. Just wanted to say that mom appears more advanced to us also as she still has continence and walks around with no issues....however, she doesn't really seem to be aware of how advanced the other residents are...I'm not sure if that should be a consideration with your mom needing her own special care. Good luck with your search.
 

tigerlady

Registered User
Nov 29, 2015
427
I think maybe you should be looking at nursing homes, as they have a higher ratio of staff to residents, and so should be able to manage someone with challenging behaviour and with a high falls risk. My husband is in a nursing home, although he is healthy apart from his dementia, but due to his challenging behaviour, I was told he had to have a nursing home with more staff.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
When u say the other residents r much more advanced than your mom...but yet mom is unaware. Just wanted to say that mom appears more advanced to us also as she still has continence and walks around with no issues....however, she doesn't really seem to be aware of how advanced the other residents are...I'm not sure if that should be a consideration with your mom needing her own special care. Good luck with your search.
That is so true, Caroleca, and I suspect every family says exactly the same when their loved one goes into such a unit. 'But my dad isn't as bad as the others...' ;) As you say, it doesn't seem to bother the other residents in the least. It also means that there is less likelihood of another move being necessary in the future.

Risk of falls plus dementia is a difficult combination if the person is still mobile but doesn't understand the implications. I think I would focus on finding a place that can deal with that.
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
When u say the other residents r much more advanced than your mom...but yet mom is unaware. Just wanted to say that mom appears more advanced to us also as she still has continence and walks around with no issues....however, she doesn't really seem to be aware of how advanced the other residents are...I'm not sure if that should be a consideration with your mom needing her own special care. Good luck with your search.
Hi Caroleca, thanks for taking the time to post. I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying that the residents were much more advanced than mum. I didn't intend to sound derogatory. She is still so aware at times, to the point that she talks about other people as if she's completely together and doesn't need to be in care. Then the next moment she's off at a tangent again. Thats the hard thing to gauge. I've made some progress today which I'll post later
 

Debbs3006

Registered User
May 23, 2016
27
That is so true, Caroleca, and I suspect every family says exactly the same when their loved one goes into such a unit. 'But my dad isn't as bad as the others...' ;) As you say, it doesn't seem to bother the other residents in the least. It also means that there is less likelihood of another move being necessary in the future.

Risk of falls plus dementia is a difficult combination if the person is still mobile but doesn't understand the implications. I think I would focus on finding a place that can deal with that.
Hi Chemmy, Its interesting that the home have told me that she is disrupting the other residents, but I've seen no sign of that yet! I visited tonight and she was upset but nobody else was bothered, except the staff.

The good news is I've had 2 homes assess her today and both have said they could take her! And one is the home I visited on Tuesday who had a waiting list but they've basically assessed her as an emergency as she will (technically) be homeless in 4 weeks. And it was a fantastic home, very open which means they could watch mum, plus they have lots of sensory stuff, activities and a really positive and enthusiastic manager who seems to be very switched on and says she's confident they can meet mums needs. But is also realistic enough to tell me that she cant 100% prevent mum falling. The only issue is that she has one other person who is in the community and at high risk so she has had offer her the bed first. But her family want to keep her at home if possible so if they work out a way to do that then the place will be offered to mum. I'll know by Monday. If not she will be next on the list. The home is 5 minutes from where I live too. The other home is good too but further away. But at least I have progress. I'm just mindful of the impact the move will have on mum, but seeing her tonight, I cant imagine thats she will be any worse than she is now. She's so tearful and down. I really feel like she's not happy there now. And I don't believe she'll be totally happy wherever she ends up as she is a difficult character, but I pray we'll get it right this time and get some quality back into her life
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Hi Chemmy, Its interesting that the home have told me that she is disrupting the other residents, but I've seen no sign of that yet! I visited tonight and she was upset but nobody else was bothered, except the staff.

The good news is I've had 2 homes assess her today and both have said they could take her! And one is the home I visited on Tuesday who had a waiting list but they've basically assessed her as an emergency as she will (technically) be homeless in 4 weeks. And it was a fantastic home, very open which means they could watch mum, plus they have lots of sensory stuff, activities and a really positive and enthusiastic manager who seems to be very switched on and says she's confident they can meet mums needs. But is also realistic enough to tell me that she cant 100% prevent mum falling. The only issue is that she has one other person who is in the community and at high risk so she has had offer her the bed first. But her family want to keep her at home if possible so if they work out a way to do that then the place will be offered to mum. I'll know by Monday. If not she will be next on the list. The home is 5 minutes from where I live too. The other home is good too but further away. But at least I have progress. I'm just mindful of the impact the move will have on mum, but seeing her tonight, I cant imagine thats she will be any worse than she is now. She's so tearful and down. I really feel like she's not happy there now. And I don't believe she'll be totally happy wherever she ends up as she is a difficult character, but I pray we'll get it right this time and get some quality back into her life
I hope all goes well for you on Monday PG.

Aisling