Mum's brother has terminal cancer

[jknight]

Hi, my lovely uncle (mum's younger brother) was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive cancer 12 months ago. He was adamant that mum shouldn't be told (she doesn't deal well with any illness) We now know it is terminal. He has anything from a few weeks to 6 months. What do I tell mum? Her memory is dreadful but anything to do with her brother, sticks (she doesn't remember my birthday (her only child) but she remembers his!)
He has angiosarcoma (cancer of the lining of the blood vessels) his face is quite disfigured and she has seen him and commented that it looks sore. I have no idea how to manage this situation. She rings him but can't hear him so hangs up. I can imagine multiple calls every day, which he really doesn't need. Can anybody advise?

 

[AwayWithTheFairies]

I’m so sorry. I don’t know the answer- can you tell if will she remember he is gone, once he has dies or will she keep asking then reliving the intense grief over and over? If so, is it going to be necessary to fib about his passing. Or is she at a different point, where she will be able to take it on board and retain it? If that’s the case she may also be upset that she hasn’t been told. Maybe she is going to have to be taken to him to say goodbye, but the phone disabled or blocked so she doesn’t pester him.

 

[canary]

Im sorry to hear about your uncle. I would be inclined not to tell your mum . She will probably remember that there is something bad happening to him, but not remember the details so I think you are right about the multiple phone calls. She will also be upset every time she hears the news as each time will be like the first time she has heard.

 

[Sarasa]

I agree with @canary, @jknight. Maybe make some excuse as to why your uncle isn't able to take calls at the moment, and do the same when he dies. My brother was really ill when mum went into care. I told her he was on a world tour (he's a musician) and changed the subject. Now two years later he's on the mend, but she seems to have forgotten he exists. Mum now wants to go and see her parents instead, as she is firmly back in the 1930s and thinks they are still living in her childhood home. I just make excuses about the weather or lack of transport and that we'll do it another time.

 

[doodle1]

Hi Jenny long time no hear. How are you doing?im so sorry to read about your current dilemma ,no wise words I’m afraid but maybe @canary is right .
do take care.
kind regards
jane

 

[nae sporran]

So sorry your uncle has cancer as well as your mum having dementia @jknight. As for advice, I think canary is on the right track.

 

[jknight]

Thank you everybody! It's been a tough couple of years. Mum's younger sister died from Alzheimer's. Her husband (mum's BIL) died as the result of a stroke. 5 of my cousins have passed (the youngest, 41, was laid to rest the day we got the news my uncle was terminal)

 

[jknight]

So sorry your uncle has cancer as well as your mum having dementia @jknight. As for advice, I think canary is on the right track.

Thank you! Sorry I have been of the radar for so long. How are you both? xxx

 

[jknight]

Hi Jenny long time no hear. How are you doing?im so sorry to read about your current dilemma ,no wise words I’m afraid but maybe @canary is right .
do take care.
kind regards
jane

Hi Jane,
It's been a bit of a roller coaster. Quite a few family deaths but we have been blessed with twin granddaughters (6 months now!)
Jenny x

 

[nae sporran]

Thank you! Sorry I have been of the radar for so long. How are you both? xxx

We're struggling a bit with one problem after another, but still standing. Thanks for asking, Jenny.
I just saw your earlier post and offer condolences to you for losing so many family members recently. Best wishes to you, your mum and your uncle.

 

[jknight]

We're struggling a bit with one problem after another, but still standing. Thanks for asking, Jenny.
I just saw your earlier post and offer condolences to you for losing so many family members recently. Best wishes to you, your mum and your uncle.

Thanks Pete. It's been a difficult time and it's going to get worse. Sorry to hear you and krystle are having a tough time (hope I spelt your lovely wife's name correctly)