Mum's been given notice to leave

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Poppyfields, May 8, 2015.

  1. Poppyfields

    Poppyfields Registered User

    Sep 12, 2013
    My mother's care home have given her 28 days notice to leave.

    She has AD and at the moment is very poorly.

    I must stress that the manager of the care home has a problem with me, not my mother.

    I was originally threatened with this several months ago, when I persisted in asking questions as to why my mum didn't have basic items (like soap or underwear) when I visited her at the care home.

    Other requests for information such as her care plan/inventory of possessions/medications were also ignored.

    I'd actually received a written apology (for a long list of things) from the owner of the care home.
    When I very politely said that I would still like answers to the questions I'd asked, she made a thinly veiled threat - in other words, "shut up or your mum's out"

    So against all my instincts, I shut up. I thought it better that my mum wasn't disrupted and I hoped that my questions had at least "bucked up" practices at the care home - although having just seen a recent CQC report, I realise that's probably not going to happen unless the manager is replaced.

    Nothing more happened until several months later, when I discovered that the care home allowed my mum to go to hospital in just a nightdress and sit unaccompanied in A & E late at night.
    I'd been told by a member of staff that she would be accompanied and would be staying overnight - I was given the impression it was arranged, and no mention of A & E was made to me.

    I am living in Spain (long story, not my choice and it makes things very difficult regarding my mum)

    So my daughter went to collect my mum and had to ask staff at the hospital for a blanket as she was sitting there in just a nightie.
    The manager of the care home answered the phone when I rang and I made the point that my mother shouldn't have gone to hospital dressed like that (it was apparently an extremely cold night according to my daughter)
    At the very least she should have had some clothes/coat to wear at the hospital.

    Her answer/explanation? "Your mum was on a stretcher"

    The Unit Manager then said that they weren't responsible for my mum once she got into the ambulance.
    Legally that may be true, but surely commonsense and a bit of "care" kicks in and you think of what an elderly/ill/mentally impaired lady might need - like warm clothes and shoes and someone to reassure her?

    Still, I kept my temper and remained civil - but my phone call had come on the back of an email from my daughter, which although polite, made it clear that she was also very concerned and unhappy about events.
    I think I was the straw that broke the camel's back.

    In fact my daughter and I were both told different things by 2 members of staff at the care home regarding whether it is policy to accompany residents to hospital or not.

    No straight answers forthcoming, even to whether this was in fact an emergency or not (I'd been told not, and my daughter also had the same impression)

    The next day I was sent an email, giving my mother 28 days notice - no explanation, nothing.

    We emailed back but no response.

    My daughter was told by the manager that "your mother's been complaining again" which struck me as odd, because I'd simply asked why my mother hadn't been properly dressed to go out on a cold night.

    Then again - nothing happened.

    No response from the care home to our emails, and yet we were getting closer and closer to the date that they wanted mum out so we contacted social services.

    Meeting last Friday between the care home and social services
    - my daughter was invited, but she declined, telling the manager of the care home that that I should attend via speakerphone - as she herself has done in the past.

    Long story short, I was deliberately prevented from attending the meeting.
    - I rang multiple times and kept being told that the social worker hadn't arrived yet.
    After several hours (with me continuing to ring the care home), my daughter then phoned and the manager told her that they'd just finished the meeting and the social worker was about to leave
    - I'd called solidly every 20 -30 mins since 2.30pm (the scheduled start time) I'd spoken to the manager who told me the social worker was stuck in traffic and to call back in - which I did, multiple times, but was given several excuses by both the manager and staff - the last one being "there's no reply...she's locked her door" (after I asked them to go and knock on the manager's door as she was expecting me to attend the meeting by phone).

    Now to be honest, if I was living in the UK, I'd have whipped my mum out of there last year, but with her current health issues, I don't believe moving her is in her interests.

    Since the first "veiled threat" I became so paranoid that I've actually recorded phone calls, to prove I've been civil etc. as it appears that lying is something that comes very easily to the care home manager.

    My question is: surely the care home have to provide an explanation as to the reasons for this notice? And surely it can't be because a resident's closest relative has asked some questions which they are uncomfortable or unwilling to answer?
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Check up on their Terms and Conditions, there will be something in there about reasons for giving notice. This must be horrible for you. Honestly, do you really want her to stay in a place that sounds way below par in just good old fashioned common sense and care. Hope you can sort all this soon.
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    They should do, of course, but I doubt that legally they have to give a reason. What does the contract say?
  4. carastro

    carastro Registered User

    May 7, 2012
    What was the outcome of the meeting?

    If no-one does anything to move your mum what are they going to do?

    To be honest, I would try to find your mum another home if you can, however it can be achieved from Spain. I don't like the sound of their so called "care".

    Can the social services help with this?
    You have all copies of E mails etc to use as ammunition.

  5. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    Goodness, get her out of that horrible place! I know moves aren't great, but any other home surely must be better than this one, as I am sure you want her safe and secure under a caring management! No point arguing with the current one, just look for a new one ASAP. Social services should be able to help.
  6. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    Is she self Funded, Council funded or CHC funded?

    Depending on how she's funded, might change the options.

    The nursing home contract my mother was in made it quite clear that once they had informed us she was going to hospital, it was up to us to either meet her there OR pay for the member of staff to accompany. It was also dependant on having staff availability.

    I too would be looking elsewhere.

    As you are abroad, what area is she, maybe members could PM you suggestions that they are happy with.
  7. Poppyfields

    Poppyfields Registered User

    Sep 12, 2013
    #7 Poppyfields, May 8, 2015
    Last edited: May 8, 2015
    She is paying a top up - I don't know how much as a financial advocate is now on board - this is due to my feeling it was too soon to do something about an LPA with my mum several years ago -completely my fault, but it doesn't help my mum and her current situation

    She is in the Bucks/Berks area so if anyone can recommend a good care home I'd be grateful - I don't want social services pushing her into the first available place.

    After having been taken in by the "look" of this care home, I need to find one with staff to match.
    The quality of care given is far more important than lovely grounds - especially if no effort is made to get my mother to actually go outside and enjoy them!
    when I asked if staff could coax her outside I was immediately told it was "her choice" not to go.

    Yet, despite it being my mum's choice to have a bath instead of a shower (documented by me on the pre-admission form) staff insist on showering her, despite her becoming upset and angry.
    I have remained civil every time I've been told that she becomes upset about this by staff, and AGAIN I have to keep calm and remind them of mum's choice to bath and NOT shower.

    I was then told it was for her "own good" - yet apparently it is my mum's "choice" not to wear a coat or take clothes with her to the hospital.
    I wonder if any of these people have ever looked after a child?

    At some point commonsense has to kick in, surely?

    What it boils down to is that it's easier and quicker to shower my mum and easier not to bother coaxing her into going downstairs into the grounds

    If I'd known what CQC was beforehand and seen the reports, I'd never have agreed to the placement
  8. Poppyfields

    Poppyfields Registered User

    Sep 12, 2013
    #8 Poppyfields, May 8, 2015
    Last edited: May 8, 2015
  9. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    You can get help

    call you socle /worker . Thay will have to help and look into this for you .
  10. Pete R

    Pete R Registered User

    Jul 26, 2014

    Sorry to hear about your problems.:(

    My Mom fell at her NH and when the paramedic arrived he deemed that she should go to hospital for an XRay.

    The NH manager said that once she was on the trolley and out of the home my Mom was the responsibility of the NHS. No one would be going with her.

    After that I questioned many aspects of Mom's care and eventually I was told she would have to move.

    It was the best thing that ever happened. Mom is happier than she has ever been and many health problems she had have now been resolved by the new excellent Nurses and Care Assistants.

    It was a difficult and stressful time (not for Mom thanks to the VasD) but I am so glad it happened.

    I wish your Mother well.:)
  11. Poppyfields

    Poppyfields Registered User

    Sep 12, 2013
    #11 Poppyfields, May 9, 2015
    Last edited: May 9, 2015
    Thanks for all your advice and good wishes for my mum

    Pete R: you sound just like me.
    You asked perfectly reasonable questions in a civil manner, but they don't like it and ignore you. You are then labelled "diffficult" and instead of wanting to discuss issues and hopefully improve things for her and possibly some of the other residents, they would rather get rid of your mother.

    It worries me that questions are viewed in such a defensive way - especially when the manager initially told me that transparency was "her ethos"
    I think they learn these phrases and then just trot them out.

    My daughter has just told me that my mum had a bruise on her head and when she asked staff what happened, they apparently didn't know anything about it.

    I am 70 and not in great health myself, but need to get over to the UK to sort my mum out.

    Finding somewhere cheap to stay is problem number one. Problem number two are my rescue dogs (and I just had another puppy dumped in my garden last week and am currently trying to get one of the local animal rescue charities to take her in)
    - kennels aren't an option and housesitters have proved unreliable in the past, but am trying to find one I can't just leave them.

    So if anyone lives in East Berks/South Bucks area and can put me up for a few days or weeks (of course I will pay but can't afford hotel rates) please let me know via private message - many thanks to you all again
  12. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    Who lives there? Siblings or your daughter? Or just your mom?

    If it is just your mom, I would talk with siblings and daughter about a place near they job or home. ( to be easier to visit).

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