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Mums battle is ending ..


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
My Mum passed away yesterday.
my sister brother and I were there from early morning.
Late afternoon I had to go home as my daughter was quite upset.
Just an hour later my sister phoned to say to come back now as Mums breathing was getting more shalllow.
Due to schook hour traffic I got there 5mns too late 😟
My Dad ( in same care home) is having a hard time comprehending of course, but did ask when is he going home.
Thats the next hurdle, Mums funeral. I have reservations about him going, but will have to see how he is over coming days.
Many thanks for your kind words.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
How sad that you didn’t make it in time @Linbrusco.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.


Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
Hi from New Zealand.
Some of you may remember me, I’ve been a member since 2013, when my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers.
I now find myself progressed through various Forums to now be at the End of Life.
Mum has spent the last 4yrs 8 mnths in care. The last 2 being moved to Hospital level when she lost all mobility.
So Mum pretty much for the past 2 yrs has remained at the same stage. No mobility, no speech, totally incontinent, no cognition, asleep majority of the time.
Beg of Jan, she had an upper respiratory infection, they charted anti biotics , and it cleared.
Then she started getting small skin tears in her arms and buttocks.
This Wednesday, we got a call to say that she had lost over 5% body weight in a month and was being reviewed by the GP.
Then Thursday( yesterday to us) we got a call to say she was running a mild fever and not responding.
Lunchtime she did manage to wake and had a small amount of Fortasip.
From there its progressed to low oxygen levels, rapid heart rate, increased temp of 37.5
We did agree to a blood test only and they put in a sub cut line for meds.
Mums CRP ( inflammation level) was 205... should be under 4.
Her white blood cells & Netrophils very high. At that point her chest sounded clear so they thought potentially an acute UTI.
This morning she has increased respiratory symptoms, heart rate and a crackly chest.. so obviously chest infection/pnuemonia.
They dont expect her to last the weekend and we dont wish her to be moved to our actual hospital nor an IV anti B line put in.
They are just giving her meds to keep her comfortable.
So we are visiting during the day, and Nursing staff will let us know if she deteriorates and to go up.

Our Dad is in the Rest Home with vascular dementia and has no concept of how sick Mum is. Even when the evidence is right in front of his eyes and shes coughing.
Dads memory is shot but at the same time could very well remember when Mum dies, to ask about her funeral.
He’s used to visiting her every day at 11am & 2pm from the Rest Home up to the Hospital.
Weve had quite a few behavioural issues with Dad in the last 2 mnths and hes being referred to the Mental Health Team.
Any tips on dealing with Mum and Dad appreciated. x

I'm sorry to hear this @Linbrusco. Thinking of you.




Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
So sorry to hear of your loss.
Mum and I watched the funeral of her much loved sister on ‘ funeral zoom’ last week. It worked well.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
I am so sorry for your loss

Please be gentle with yourself.
I did wonder how your dad would take it.


Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
So sorry to hear your news. I was also 5 mins too late for my Dad. When I got there the Nurse was still holding his hand. These times are so difficult to cope with so do take care of yourself.


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
Thanks all for your replies and well wishes. We had a lovely sunny day on Mums funeral and all went well, including Dad. Confused at all the people coming up to him, but otherwise coped fine.
Seems quite strange now visiting Dad at the Rest Home, and Mum no longer being there.