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Mums battle is ending ..

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,674
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
Hi from New Zealand.
Some of you may remember me, I’ve been a member since 2013, when my Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers.
I now find myself progressed through various Forums to now be at the End of Life.
Mum has spent the last 4yrs 8 mnths in care. The last 2 being moved to Hospital level when she lost all mobility.
So Mum pretty much for the past 2 yrs has remained at the same stage. No mobility, no speech, totally incontinent, no cognition, asleep majority of the time.
Beg of Jan, she had an upper respiratory infection, they charted anti biotics , and it cleared.
Then she started getting small skin tears in her arms and buttocks.
This Wednesday, we got a call to say that she had lost over 5% body weight in a month and was being reviewed by the GP.
Then Thursday( yesterday to us) we got a call to say she was running a mild fever and not responding.
Lunchtime she did manage to wake and had a small amount of Fortasip.
From there its progressed to low oxygen levels, rapid heart rate, increased temp of 37.5
We did agree to a blood test only and they put in a sub cut line for meds.
Mums CRP ( inflammation level) was 205... should be under 4.
Her white blood cells & Netrophils very high. At that point her chest sounded clear so they thought potentially an acute UTI.
This morning she has increased respiratory symptoms, heart rate and a crackly chest.. so obviously chest infection/pnuemonia.
They dont expect her to last the weekend and we dont wish her to be moved to our actual hospital nor an IV anti B line put in.
They are just giving her meds to keep her comfortable.
So we are visiting during the day, and Nursing staff will let us know if she deteriorates and to go up.

Our Dad is in the Rest Home with vascular dementia and has no concept of how sick Mum is. Even when the evidence is right in front of his eyes and shes coughing.
Dads memory is shot but at the same time could very well remember when Mum dies, to ask about her funeral.
He’s used to visiting her every day at 11am & 2pm from the Rest Home up to the Hospital.
Weve had quite a few behavioural issues with Dad in the last 2 mnths and hes being referred to the Mental Health Team.
Any tips on dealing with Mum and Dad appreciated. x
 
Last edited:

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
I am so sorry so to hear of your troubles.
Thank you for the level of detail you put in your post. Posts such as this where you can learn through others journeys , are one of the main motivations for me to visit this site.

I would think about requesting a syringe driver if it was my mum.

On Tuesday mum and I watched her sisters funeral on a ‘ special funeral zoom’
It worked well for us.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
64,742
0
70
Dundee
I’m so sorry to read your update @Linbrusco. How terribly sad for you and for both your mum and dad. It’s really heartbreaking.

This advice on end of life care may be of interest -


I’m glad you’ve shared and hope that knowing you are amongst people who understand will help, even just a little. Wishing you strength.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,259
0
South coast
Im so sorry to hear your news @Linbrusco
FWIW, I would entirely agree with your decisions regarding your mum. When mum passed away she remained in her care home and the staff tended her beautifully.
I dont know what to suggest about your dad, though. Could you speak to the care home manager and see what they suggest?
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,522
0
High Peak
Hello @Linbrusco ! So hard when both parents are afflicted...

Sounds like everything is in place for your mum and I hope for you all she passes peacefully. As for your dad, I think you'll just have to see how he reacts and take it day by day...

Thinking of you... take care.
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,674
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
Thanks all for your replies.
It truly has come at an awful time with Mums Great Aunt passing away just a week ago and we had her funeral yesterday. She also had Vascular dementia and much like Mum deteriorated quite suddenly.
Mums cousin says her Mum, whispered to mine its time to go... come with me.
Mum & her Aunt were very close.
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,674
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
This Mums 4th day since no fluids.
Up until last night her breathing although shallow and slower at times was still regular.
It was Mums Aunts funeral last Friday. Saturday majority of the grandchildren went to see her.
Yesterday was the anniversary of my Mother in laws passing.
Its Monday 6:26am here in New Zealand. I woke up thinking I have to be there right now, so Im leaving shortly. I havent had any time with Mum alone and I have a feeling about today.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,259
0
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) @Linbrusco

This is truly a harrowing time. A twilight limboland where you pray for, yet also dread, the end. It can go on for a surprisingly long time while the body slowly shuts down. My mum went 14 days with no food or fluid.

The end will come, though. Stay strong
xx
 

Linbrusco

Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
1,674
0
Auckland...... New Zealand
Another night and Mum is still with us. Up until yesterday the Cheyne Stokes breathing was evident.
Looking back, for the past 7 days every day there has been some event, birthday or anniversary in the family. Nothing today as far as we know.
And something slightly amusing here and I do not wish to offend in any way if you are religious.
As Dad has dementia and in the same care home, with staff finding he is Catholic ( although non practising for 60 yrs) they asked if we would like a priest to come to bless Mum and also a way of impressing on Dad the seriousness of the situation.
They couldnt get hold of the local Catholic priest so left a message, but as it was urgent they also contacted an Anglican & Presbyterian church.
Due to some confusion, Mum has now been blessed by all 3 faiths.
A priest came to talk to Dad in some length who we thought was catholic.
He was Presbyterian 🙂
Mum has also had prayers and visits from several staff from the Dementia unit where mum was for the first 2.5 yrs
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,259
0
South coast
Sounds like you have all bases covered ;)
How lovely of the staff to visit

Make sure you eat and sleep during this time
xxxxxxx