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Mum's anger over her whereabouts.

kevk

Registered User
Feb 3, 2015
4
Hi all,

Mum was diagnosed approx 4 years ago and progression has been quite rapid. She lives in London and has done for the last 50 years...but she was born and raised in Ireland and is getting very confused about where she is.

She often talks about visiting neighbours in Ireland as though they are just around the corner. She is also asking Dad "when are we going back to ireland" or "when are you taking me back to London". Dad is finding it very hard to answer correctly and mum is getting very angry with him (pulling off wedding rings/saying marriage is over/calling him horrible names etc).

This often seems to happen at night time but is becoming more frequent during the day time.

If anyone has had similar experiences and can share any tips on how you're dealing with things I'd love to hear !

Many thanks.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,993
London
It's very common to lose the short term memory and only remember your younger years, but remember them very clearly. Basically, the books in your Mum's shelf that were added last have fallen off the top and the only ones remaining are the ones representing her early memories. Therefore it makes a lot of sense to her that she still lives in Ireland, and correcting her will only confuse and anger her further. You mention that this is more frequent at night time which suggests sundowning, but that can also happen at any time of day really. The kindest plan of action would be if you didn't correct her on her beliefs, just nod, smile, say "soon" and change the topic. You cannot "correct" someone with dementia as their reality is different to ours, but just as valid to them. If your Dad can learn compassionate communication instead of insisting on "the truth", I am sure the arguments will stop.

I hope the following will be of use: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
 
Last edited:

Fred Flintstone

Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
133
S. E. England
Beate,

What is "sundowning". I've noticed my father quite often starts wanting to leave/ be given a lift to the railway station/ catch a bus etc. at around sunset. After that time, he settles down.

Fred.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,087
69
Dundee
Beate,

What is "sundowning". I've noticed my father quite often starts wanting to leave/ be given a lift to the railway station/ catch a bus etc. at around sunset. After that time, he settles down.

Fred.
You might find Barry's thread useful-

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?70397-Some-Sundowning-Tips-to-ease-the-anxiety

Sundowning is also discussed in this fact sheet -

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=159
 

Twinkletoes25

Registered User
Oct 26, 2014
17
I have the same problem with mum asking to go home even though her family home has long since been sold when my gran went into a care home. She still thinks she will find somewhere to stay in the same village. Unfortunately, that's not true.

No matter how many times we try to explain this, she just keeps on asking. I've learned to be patient and explain that this house is her home. I reassure her that this is where she is safe and where people love her and care for her. Carefully changing the subject also helps.

My thoughts are with you! :)