Hi,
It feels a bit strange having to celebrate Mum's death anniversary. It is on the 20th of Feb.
However reason for this post is my thoughts are returning to some issues that are troubling me recently.
They were brought on by a coversations with some friends at work.
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Dad had to put Mum into a care home in India.
She was diabetic stopped taking her medicines and was refusing to eat.
We still had no understanding of Dementia.
There is hardly any awareness of this in India.
I was just starting to collate info. in the UK.
I wanted Mum to return home ASAP. Just gives you an indication of my naivety of understanding Dad's plight.
He was caring for her alone.
There is no support suystem in India.
Dad gave in to my pressure. Only to bring home my Mum who was enraged that Dad had sent her to a home.
Late one night. Just Mum and Dad alone in our reasonably large flat in India. Mum took a knife and lunged for my Dad.
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When I recounted this thought recently it has stirred up some guilt I am finding difficult to overcome.
Perhaps I never will....
---------------------------------------------------------------
I left the UK to join Dad and Mum.
Mum had an obsession with cutlery.
She used to hide it in her cupboard which she used to lock.
Loose her key and then blame Dad for stealing it.
When she started to get incontinent.
It was difficult to get her to stop this compulsive behaviour.
One month of no cutlery while I was living with Dad and Mum and trying in vain to get Mum to stop got too much for me.
Dad had to do this for a year.
He used to pour food onto plates and eat with bare hands.
There was no question of cutting fruits.
I stopped her in the middle of the act and smacked her hand.
I am so sorry now... But it's just too bloody late.
The dirty deed was inflicted on Mum by me.
I was the person Mum, loved, trusted and cherished the most in her life.
I know have to live with this scar the rest of my life.
Possibly best because I well deserve the pain.
But I hope that Mums spirit is next to mine while I am writing this string.
I am sorry Mum. Truly dearly sorry.
I was completely undeserving of having someone as wonderful as you for my Mum.
I was so truly blessed to have you as my Mum,
I was just a selfish, arrogant little idiot to think I could stop you.
All you were probably doing was just protecting our things from being stolen.....
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hopefully this out of the way I can reminisce on better times closer to Mums anniversary.
There are a lot more of good times than bad.
It feels a bit strange having to celebrate Mum's death anniversary. It is on the 20th of Feb.
However reason for this post is my thoughts are returning to some issues that are troubling me recently.
They were brought on by a coversations with some friends at work.
=================================================================
Dad had to put Mum into a care home in India.
She was diabetic stopped taking her medicines and was refusing to eat.
We still had no understanding of Dementia.
There is hardly any awareness of this in India.
I was just starting to collate info. in the UK.
I wanted Mum to return home ASAP. Just gives you an indication of my naivety of understanding Dad's plight.
He was caring for her alone.
There is no support suystem in India.
Dad gave in to my pressure. Only to bring home my Mum who was enraged that Dad had sent her to a home.
Late one night. Just Mum and Dad alone in our reasonably large flat in India. Mum took a knife and lunged for my Dad.
---------------------------------------------------------------
When I recounted this thought recently it has stirred up some guilt I am finding difficult to overcome.
Perhaps I never will....
---------------------------------------------------------------
I left the UK to join Dad and Mum.
Mum had an obsession with cutlery.
She used to hide it in her cupboard which she used to lock.
Loose her key and then blame Dad for stealing it.
When she started to get incontinent.
It was difficult to get her to stop this compulsive behaviour.
One month of no cutlery while I was living with Dad and Mum and trying in vain to get Mum to stop got too much for me.
Dad had to do this for a year.
He used to pour food onto plates and eat with bare hands.
There was no question of cutting fruits.
I stopped her in the middle of the act and smacked her hand.
I am so sorry now... But it's just too bloody late.
The dirty deed was inflicted on Mum by me.
I was the person Mum, loved, trusted and cherished the most in her life.
I know have to live with this scar the rest of my life.
Possibly best because I well deserve the pain.
But I hope that Mums spirit is next to mine while I am writing this string.
I am sorry Mum. Truly dearly sorry.
I was completely undeserving of having someone as wonderful as you for my Mum.
I was so truly blessed to have you as my Mum,
I was just a selfish, arrogant little idiot to think I could stop you.
All you were probably doing was just protecting our things from being stolen.....
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hopefully this out of the way I can reminisce on better times closer to Mums anniversary.
There are a lot more of good times than bad.