• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Mum

Rubysue

Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
4
Leicester uk
I'm feeling really sad today, my mum has diabetes and advanced alzheimers and today she's had to go into hospital as she's finally decided to stop eating. I feel numb and miserable and the past few months have been the hardest of my life. I've been losing her bit by bit and I didn't [still don't] know how to help her. She's been in a care home for the last 6 months and has gone down hill really fast since then. I feel guilty all the time and never feel as if I'm doing enough and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty.
 

Linda Mc

Registered User
Jul 3, 2005
1,881
Nr Mold
Rubysue "the guilt monster" we all know about that you are not alone!

I have no personal experience of care homes or not eating but others here have and will post replies to you. Hopefully now she is in hospital your Mum will get the correct treatment.

In the meantime I wanted you to know someone had read your message and welcomed you to TP a great place for help and support.

Look after yourself

Love Linda x
 
Last edited:

SusanB

Registered User
Jan 15, 2008
155
Hove
Hello, Rubysue,

Your situation is undeniably horrible and there's no other way of saying it, is there? You are doing the right thing and it looks like your Mum is in rapid decline, so I am sorry to read that you are losing her by stages - how very sad and upsetting for you, my heart goes out to you - Big Hugs.

Try (if you can) not to feel guilty, really, you've done nothing for which to feel remorse. If your Mum didn't have you she would have been in a much worse situation, wouldn't she?

Keep posting (and welcome by the way). I find this site a source of great comfort and solace.

Susan
 

Rubysue

Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
4
Leicester uk
Mum [again]

Hello again, I thought I would give a quick update on mum. The hospital have managed to stabilise her again and she'll be able to go back to her care home soon. Wednesday was a bad day as every time she gets ill, [which is quite often now] I feel its the last time I'll see her. Writing down my thoughts and feelings really helped me to organise my emotions before going to the hospital. Thankyou to the people who read and responded to my sad little message, it made me feel less alone. One amusing thing over the last few hours was mum wandering around the hospital and deciding that she lived there. she's convinced that I grew on on ward 16 and remembers me going to school from there, bless her. I've learnt not to argue, as this just upsets her, so we smile sweetly and agree with anything she says. :eek: How sad that alzheimers is such a cruel illness. Mum is mostly oblivious to the symptoms now and after a while you do get used to strange conversations when she can't remeber what anything is called and you have to guess.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,406
Kent
Hello Rubysue,
I`m pleased to hear the hospital has been able to stabilize your mother`s condition.
It must be very upsetting for you to see her slow and steady deterioration. It`s the nature of the condition, I`m afraid.
It sounds as if you are more distressed at this stage of her illness, than you mother is.
Take care
Love xx
 

Rubysue

Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
4
Leicester uk
Mum [again]

:eek:Hi everyone I thought I'd take this chance to tell you that mum's condtion has improved a little and she's back on her feet again. Wednesday was a bad day and writing down my thoughts and feelings helped me to organise my emotions before going to see her in hospital. The trouble is that every time she's unwell [which is quite often now] it always feels final. One amusing thing over the last few hours is mum deciding that she lives at the hospital and always has done. She says that she remebers me growing up on ward 16 and going to school from there. Bless her. I've learnt not to argue as this upsets her and I am now used to having strange conversations where she can't remember the name of anything and we have to guess what she's trying to say. What a horrible illness Alzheimers is.