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mum

monty14

Registered User
Sep 19, 2013
14
0
my mum has not been diognosed yet she is waiting for the test etc. she is 77
but the gp has said he thinks she def got dementia we just need to determine which one.

my dad dies 3 yrs ago and she has been on her own all that time we go down daily and so on but at tea time she would then be on her own. the thing is she will not stay on her own now day or night. she was very confused the other day and said it was not her house. we are at the moment managing to be thewre 24/7 but this cant go on and we have no idea what to do or how to help her

helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
my mum has not been diognosed yet she is waiting for the test etc. she is 77
but the gp has said he thinks she def got dementia we just need to determine which one.

my dad dies 3 yrs ago and she has been on her own all that time we go down daily and so on but at tea time she would then be on her own. the thing is she will not stay on her own now day or night. she was very confused the other day and said it was not her house. we are at the moment managing to be thewre 24/7 but this cant go on and we have no idea what to do or how to help her

helpppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

I am so sorry that you are going through this and feel for your poor mum who must be so frightened. It doesn't sound to me as if it can go on either. I would be seriously considering a care home for your mum. I'd be having a look around at what is available and start looking at funding.

The only other thing I can think of right now is if you were fortunate enough to be able to find and support a live in carer, but they too need days off, at least it would alleviate some of the pressure on you.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
67,280
0
71
Dundee
I too am sorry to read about your mum. I know she hasn't had a final diagnosis but she is obviously vulnerable. I wondered if your mum has had a community care assessment. This also includes a carer's assessment so would look at your needs as well. If your mum hasn't had this then I would seriously consider contacting the Social Services and telling them that you mum needs this and that she is a vulnerable adult.

Here is the link to some information on the community care assessment in case you haven't considered this.

Take care.
 

monty14

Registered User
Sep 19, 2013
14
0
thanks for the replies. we are waiting for social worker to ring and make an appointment to come and asses my mums needs. i know we cant go on like this for ever but she has had a hard life and didnt give up on us easy so we want totry and do the same.
she has always says and still does DO NOT put me in a home so i just cant find it in my heart to do this to her. i know one day we might have to but not until there is definatley no more options available.
a live in carer at night sounds fantastic but im sure this would cost more than what we could pay for so dont think that is an option.
i wanted to ask has anyone been through this and does the being scared in her own home pass or do you think she will feel like that for ever. she was really confused and said it wasnt her house and she wanted to go home thats why she scared to be on her own.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,341
0
Midlands
Have you had the GP do simple tests like a Urine test? Urine infections can sent people really perculiar
 

kingmidas1962

Registered User
Jun 10, 2012
3,535
0
South Gloucs
I'm sorry to hear of your mums difficulties. Its so hard to see a loved one worried and upset.

I totally understand when folks have said 'don't put me in a home' but that is usually said before the dementia sufferer has started to develop the problems which make their life difficult.

It seems to sometimes be the case that dementia sufferers feel more secure in a home - there is always someone around, activities to do .. other residents - outings even. If mum is not recognising her own home now she may possibly be no more distressed in another home than in her own.

I hope you don't have to wait too long for an assessment - try not to play ANYTHING down. Tell it like it is, at its worst - Social Services will try to let people manage, if they give the impression that they can.

It might be an idea to try your mum with some respite care and see how she gets on, while you have a think about either care at home or permanent residential care. A care package at home can also work really well if there is enough of it. As far as paying for it goes mum will only be completely self funding if she has above a certain amount of money in savings and/or property. An assessment of her finances should go hand in hand with the community care assessment.

I hope everything goes well with the assessment and you get some solutions!
 

CJL33

Registered User
Aug 4, 2013
6
0
Warwickshire
Hi, I have been on this site for a while now I have not posted anything before but felt I had to share as my sister and I are going through a similar situation.
Mum has always said not to put her in a home, but sometimes doesn't recognise her house and asks to go home. That does pass but she hallucinates and says the "people" are trying to get her out. She regularly strips the bed as its their stuff other days she wants to take it back to her house....

We have carers during the day from breakfast until bed, we also cover shifts and are just introducing over overnights. We will pick up 5 nights and the carers will pick up 2. My sister and I have made sure that each of us has a complete day off including the night. That way we can get a break away from it all. I am not sure how long we will be able to do this and we will probably have to consider a home eventually, but for the moment its keeping mum in her own home, cared for and as comfortable as she can be with this awful disease.
We have also got CCTV installed as she lives on her own. This has been a god send for the half hour shift changeovers when she is on her own and also over nights before we introduce sleepovers.
Hope this helps.
 

monty14

Registered User
Sep 19, 2013
14
0
your situation sounds just like ours. today she does seem a lot calmer and has not mentioned it not being her house but on the other hand she will still not stay alone so one of my sisters is there tonight. she is going for blood test tomorrow morning so i will take some urine with me and ask them to test also.

does it cost a lot to have overnight carers. do they sleep there as my mum only has a 1 bed bungalow so unless they like the sette like us it would be npo good.

what a god awful situation but if its bad for us just think what my poor mum is going through.
 

CJL33

Registered User
Aug 4, 2013
6
0
Warwickshire
I agree it must be awful for them.
The consultant put Mum on Resipodrome, I was not happy due to the side effects, but it does seem to have taken the edge off her hallucinations. Previously she was shouting at the "people" now they are there but she just busies herself tidying up. Its amazing how much furniture can be moved, bed striped cushions piled up etc in a short space of time.
We have private carers as although Mum could have got some assistance she was allowed 30 mins to get up dressed and breakfast, 15 mins lunch and same for tea. Ridiculous.. and they couldn't guarantee same people .. we felt continuity was important. Our carers charge £50 per night from 10pm - 7pm. As for bed they have a separate room, but I think if you can manage to be lucky like we were and find the right people they will work with you. It may be that you could get an allowance for a sofa bed.

Like the previous post, I would contact social services as soon as you can and get the wheels in motion to get some support and financial assistance. If you have admiral nurses covering your area I am told they are really helpful with advice for you as a family and for your Mums well being. Unfortunately they don't cover where Mum lives.
I wish you luck, we were advised to explore all opportunities as soon as we could and get things in place that we could call upon as needed, I would recommend you do the same, you can't carry on doing 24/7 between you its exhausting.
 

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