Registered User
Nov 18, 2006
Hi all

am feeling very down today. Should at this moment be at the Memory clinic with mum to hopefully trial drugs for her early dementia. But alas am not. Mum had a massive wobbly yesterday and refused to go. She broke down and said she was just too tired and afraid of side effects from drugs. We all tried very hard to persuade her without any luck. It was so frustrating and as you can imagine there was no reasoning with her. I am not angry with her just so disappointed. Maybe i just put too much emphasis on this thinking it would be the answer to all our prayers. For some reason i have cried buckets but i cant explain why. I think it has been such a rollercoaster over the last year and we worked so hard for this day andnow this. The memory clinic were amazing and have offered to send someone out to have a chat with mum and to give her a further appt. I have put this on hold for a little while as mum is in a very anxious state.

I am sure there are lots of you who have been through this and worse but just needed to air my thoughts.

Thanks for listening

Take care:(


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Maude,
I am sure you feel as though all hope has gone - and that must be a difficult place to be. It hasn't though. I think you have done the right thing - get mum onto a more even keel, then try again. I am sure that the Memory Clinic have many cancellations - part of life, when you are working with people with dementia.

Hope that you feel better soon.
Love Helen

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Maude,
My husband refused to keep his first appointment too. The clinic staff were wonderful. I think they are used to it.
I`m afraid I had to wait until my husband asked for help.
Try not to worry too much, it will come right in the end.
Love Sylvia x


Registered User
Nov 18, 2006
Hi all

Thanks so much for your kind reassuring words. The Clinic were amazing and we are hoping to get someone to come and have a chat with mum very soon. Dad is reading all the articles in the papers and getting very depressed. Bless him.

Thanks again

love Maude :)

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Maude,

It`s good to know everything`s being sorted out. Thank you for letting us know.

It might be easier for your mum to cope with someone coming to the house. She`ll feel more secure in her own home.

I understand all the recent publicity upsetting your dad. It`s a very scary outlook. Even so, publicity is necessary. Alzheimers and Dementia should no longer be brushed under the carpet and accepted as a normal development of old age. The more publicity it gets, the better the chance of funding for research, with the hope that fewer will have to go through this ordeal in future.

I hope the home visit for your mum goes well. As for your dad, all you can do is be there for him.

Keep in touch.


Registered User
Nov 18, 2006
Hi Sylvia

Thanks for that. I have so become a campaigner for the cause and totally agree with you about the publicity etc. Dad will be good as we all rally round and keep his spirits up.
Thanks for all your support . It makes such a difference to be able to offload to people who really understand.

Will keep in touch.
love maude xxx:)


Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
My Dad got the full diagnosis and was prescribed the drugs without ever having to visit the Memory Clinic. All the tests were done at home by a visiting consultant and nurse, as have been all follow up appointments etc.

It might well be worth enquiring into this with your Memory Clinic. You need to tell them that your Mum is too frightened to attend an appointment there and it is causing too much distress etc. Also, tell them beforehand about her anxiety about possible side-effects, so that they can come forewarned and can offer reassurance. She needs to know that side-effects, whilst possible, are not inevitable and can be very mild and also that if she does get them, then they will stop the tablets and try something else.

They will have dealt with this problem before, they know that it can be impossible to reason with someone with dementia and are thus often willing to be accomodating. Sometimes patients will believe a doctor/burse where they won't believe a family member.

You could also try to find out why your Mum is so upset - it might be that she is afraid of the diagnosis and is taking comfort in denial. Or it might be that she is afraid of hospitals/strange places (which are of course intimidating places for any of us who don't get lost outside familiar surroundings) or even worried that she is being taken to a "home" or "mental ward" and won't be allowed to leave by the "mental doctors". My Dad was quite convinced the other day that the nurse was coming to "take me away to where the loonies go" - all very distressing for everyone involved.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
My mother refused to answer all the questions at her first memory clinic appointment and got very stroppy with the psychiatrist.

They gave her another appointment but she herself phoned the hospital and cancelled it telling them it was a waste of time.

My brother made another appointment for her and took her to it. Aricept was prescribed, but she died soon after.

Of course I keep thinking if she hadn't had the Aricept ... perhaps ...



Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I hope you don’t mind me saying, but may be your giving your mother too much information worrying about the medication and so thinking to much about side effects.

Your main concern is getting the memory test done her going or them coming to you

Then if your father reading up a lot on it, your mother may pick up his anxieties and yours . Why not say to your mother "don’t worry about medication are main concern is that you have the memory test first; they may not be anything wrong with you, Let’s just see what the consultant says"

I am not saying to go into denial (a littlie white lie does not hurt)
just to of load the worry of your mother about medication and get her to have the memory test , then after after the diagnose talk about medication.

you may have tried saying all the above , but I was just wondering
Last edited:


Registered User
Feb 28, 2005
west mids
Hi Maude,
My mum never visited the memory clinic either, all consultations were conducted in her own home by the CPN and psychiatrist. They are very sympathetic to the anxiety and stigma felt by those affected by memory loss.
My mum didnt speak to me for weeks after I asked for referral, but on reflection it was the best move I made. Our CPN was fantastic, and although mum was never offered Aricept, support and practical advice in the early stages was fantastic
Lots of love
Ally x

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