Registered User
Feb 9, 2008
mum is going to be cremated on Monday my sisters are all trying to get to dog position i feel so sad about it, as dad is so full of grief and he does not no what is going on.i feel it is very hard to grieve when they have there petty rows i just do not want to no. i find it so hard. i loved my mum so much she would turn in her grave if she new what was going on. why dont they leave me alone i just want to cry and be on my own and Handel it my way with the support of my family.


Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
Dear Dream

I am so sorry Dream, it must be a particularly difficult time for you. One thing you might want to consider is to just let it happen on Monday (what will be will be) but when things have settled you could think about how you would like to let go of mum and arrange something yourself with people of your own choice. You could even ask a minister to do a remembrance service (you could do whatever you liked).

This is just a suggestion for you to take heart. I, for one, will be thinking about you on Monday and I can only hope that it will turn out to be better than you could hope for.

Love Helen


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Dream

I'm so sorry you're having to put up with all this bickering, when all you want to do is grieve for your mum.

It's a stressful time, everything seems to be on hold until the cremation. I'd try to stay out of the rows as much as possible, and just let them get on with it.

As Helen says, you can have your own remembrance. Perhaps there is a special place that your mum loved? You could go there as often as you wanted, and just remember her.

But your mum will always be with you, in your heart. Think of her, and rise above the bickering.

Love and sympathy,


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Dream,

How very upsetting for you to have these hassles, if grief alone isn't hard enough to bear. I wish there was some way that you could be relieved of this distress but I have no answers. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you all the strength needed to cope. Caring Thoughts, Taffy.


fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
Dear Dream

My heart goes out to you, you don't need all this when you are trying to grieve.

As Hazel says, find a special place where you remember your Mum. It will be your choice and nobody can influence that. My Dad died at the end of February and fortunately his ashes were interred in a lovely garden of remembrance so I can go there whenever I want. However having said that, there are so many places my Dad loved that they all are special to me. I am sure you must have some place, or more, that was special to your Mum and it will be hers and your special place.

Best wishes for Monday.


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
Hi Dream

We all have different realtionships and differing ways of dealing with our grief and what must follow. I think the advice to find yourself a spot, be it geographical or just in your head where you can be with your Mum, to think about her is the most important.

You need a lot of time to yourself when you grieve and even now some months after I find a desire to be alone and just listen at times, to the thoughts in my head.

If you can find a good friend who is happy to let you just talk or cry that can also be a godsend.

I very much feel that my Mum and Dad are still with me, even though their physical presence is not here, because of things I say or do or the way I feel. They are part of me.

Try not to worry to much about the funeral, let it flow past you and remember your Mum as you want to.




Registered User
Jul 29, 2008
Hey lady

Hey hard times I know. I hope that Monday went OK - well as well as those things can :) My Mum was the light of my life and I know how hard it can be. All I can say, as a traveller a little bit further down the journey you're on, is that time does give you a different perspective. You never forget, you never stop loving them, but you learn to accept their absence and cherish their presence - your Mum afterall is 50% of what makes you, you. You just need time to find the essence of her in you - it's there I absolutely promise. The challenge now is to dare to live life as she would want for you. Ignore what your sisters are up to - this is about you - and you and your Dad. Look up at the skies, breathe deep and think of your Mum. As the Dutch say, be strong, be steady, look after you and your Dad and safe journies :)
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