Registered User
Feb 9, 2008
went to see warden to day about mum with 2 of my sisters and she has looked in to it but there is nothing she can do, my dad has to ask for help and mum has rights as well. like she will have to consent to certain changes, how the hell can she give her consent when she does not remember her own children. the only up side if i have a hypoglycaemic attack or petie mal i am to pull the alarm cord and them i would be taken out of dads hand and they will have to interven because the carer can not care. what an up side down world talk about human rights.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
You will have to be straight with your father and tell him he is asking too much of you and if he needs respite he must make arrangements for your mother before he goes away.


Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
Hi Dream,
Yes it may be worth talking to your father again but if he won't listen I would still think about having to go behind his back to whoever is in charge of your Mum's care. For our family that was mum's Community Psychiatric Manager (CPN). But it might be her GP or Social worker. it seems to be differant in each area.

I suspect the Warden at the sheltered housing is not the person responsible for your Mum so although she may be doing what she can this is not a situation she may be able to help you with.

my sympathy goes to you because I have had to do the going behind the back.

You need to be very competent to do 24/7 and not everyone who is put in to the situation of being a carer is able to do it. This may be due to mental or physical illness or other problems but there are situations where other people have to intervene to protect the person with AD. There are other people on TP who have had to cope with parents who both have problems and those who have less than ideal family relationships. AD certainly brings all the other problems out too. You are in a difficult situation. It sounds like your Dad needs the break but assumes his daughters will do what he wants without any discussion and I know how that feels.

There is a problem with providing care against a sufferers wishes but there are legal ways of getting around this. My mum cannot decide what to wear so how can she possibly decide how to keep herself safe. The routine of her care home seems to allow her to feel safe and calm most of the time.

I hope others can give you more advice.