Mum won't wear incontinent pads

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Clevers14, Sep 3, 2015.

  1. Clevers14

    Clevers14 Registered User

    Sep 3, 2015
    1
    My Mum wets her bed every night and is incontinent throughout the day. Our carer and I have tried to persuade her to wear pull-ups but Mum won't and says she doesn't need them. What can we do?
     
  2. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,930
    London
    Hi clevers, just wanted to acknowledge your post, at this stage I don't have experience of this problem with both my mum and mum in law, however I believe your mum could be assessed by an incontinence nurse, have a chat with mums GP to see what they advise you to do, I am sure someone will be along here who has lots of information or advice to help you.
    Take care
    Chris
     
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Hello Clevers and welcome to TP :)

    I really identify with your situation. My mum started off by denying there was any need for pads....we could never get her to accept them, until a bit further along the line, when it became possible to be firm about it. I asked the carer not to "offer" to change mum's pad, but to say, "time to change your pad", then "now let's have some tea and cake", or similar. It was never easy, though, and she never really accepted it. Now she is completely doubly incontinent, and it's still a problem. Even when she can be persuaded to wear a pad, as soon as anyone turns their back, she has it off again. We have found loads of soiled pads hidden under magazines etc in mum's flat....:(

    So, I'm sorry, I can't give you an answer, but I can tell you you're not alone!

    Anyone got any ideas....please?!?

    Lindy xx
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,481
    Female
    London
    Even my lovely compliant OH said "I am not wearing THAT!", when first confronted with pull-ups. He soon got over it though, mainly because I gave him no choice - all his normal underwear had been hidden.
     
  5. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Ah.....perhaps that's where I'm going wrong! X
     
  6. Moonflower

    Moonflower Registered User

    Mar 28, 2012
    775
    Don't give a choice - stick pads in pants, or remove normal pants and only leave pull ups

    Or get a nurse in uniform to try to convince her
     
  7. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Mum is beyond convincing now really, but I did get the district nurse in earlier to no effect, I'm afraid.

    I think not having a choice ( hard as that is) must be a major part of the answer. Though mum still takes them off and either squirrels them away, or tries to flush them down the loo....

    Honestly it's one of the most intractable problems we have in her care.....
     
  8. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    I found the phrase.." The Doctor said....." worked wonders with my Mum. She belonged to the generation who respected and believed every word a GP said.:D
    Try " the Doctor recommends that all his elderly lady patients wear these. There's a very nasty bug about and these prevent you catching it" :rolleyes:
     
  9. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Good idea cragmaid ;). I will try a version of 'the doctor said' again......and will also try to re-boot the system of the carers and myself all saying exactly the same thing....:) xx
     
  10. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,568
    Nottinghamshire
    I've woken up this old thread as I'm now having exactly this problem with my dad and I think he's moving into double incontinence while at the same time hoping that poop all over the bedroom yesterday was because he has a bug...

    Any ideas anyone?
     
  11. Cleo87

    Cleo87 New member

    Jan 17, 2018
    3
     
  12. Cleo87

    Cleo87 New member

    Jan 17, 2018
    3
    My mum has become incontiment and flatly refuses to wear pull ups every evening I put a pair on at bed time within Five mins they have been ripped off and torn to shreds then of course every where is wet she denies doing anything I am at my wits end it is a. Constant battle she was in a.care home fir two years but very unhappy so we decided to convert a room and bring her home 8weeks in it's the biggest mistake we could of made .
     
  13. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    I bought mum a popper vest and with the pad or pull ups secure inside I then put on an ordinary pair of knickers with a small pad inside these - purpose being that she could pull the pad out of knickers and not realise that she still had pad inside vest - make sense!? it worked until she worked out where the poppers were and undid it, so then I adapted the vest by adding a piece of material to cover up the poppers, stitched at the front and poppers at the back that she could not reach-really strong poppers at the back. Sounds like a lot of work, but it really wasn't

    what made me do this was remembering those all in one vests for baby that come up between the legs and tied at the back.
     
  14. Reman

    Reman Registered User

    Jan 21, 2018
    22
    I had a similar problem, at night I use the bed pads and then put the sheet over, it save the mattress, but does mean washing sheet and pad. Day time it was hit and miss, I tried every pads or pull up pants available, some days it's a battle, it cost a fortune trying different products and it took a few months but now my partner accepts, but for the routine moan every morning.
     
  15. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,403
    Yorkshire
    hello @Cleo87
    I just noticed that you wrote this at the end of your post
    if you know this is the case, there's nothing to stop you finding a new care home for your mum - it wouldn't be a reflection on your relationship, just an acknowledgement that your mum needs a team of carers to provide the level of care she now needs
    I think you did what many have considered, because we want the best for our parent - the sad fact is that our parent is not going to be 'happy' anywhere because of the effects of the dementia - so the best you can do is make sure that your mum is well looked after; that doesn't have to be in your own home by you
     
  16. Rey61

    Rey61 Registered User

    Mar 23, 2017
    13
    How did it go when you hid the underwear? I am at that stage myself now as my m-i-l doesn't "need" pads... I have had a number of episodes recently where I have been retching dealing with the soiled underwear and girdle which she insists on wearing. Wet underwear I can just about handle but the other...
     
  17. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,481
    Female
    London
    Well, he had nothing else to wear so he had to accept the pads and he soon got used to them!
     
  18. Catherine Jane

    Catherine Jane New member

    Aug 22, 2018
    1
    My mother was just the same but mostly accepts them now as all her proper underwear has disappeared . Some days she still complains but mostly accepts this … she has carers two mornings a week and they never have any trouble with her ! They are amazing and can always get her in the shower … I don’t know how they do it ! Partly because they are not family and she sees them as being medical staff I think ! It takes time but hang in there !
     

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