1. Farmer jane

    Farmer jane New member

    May 6, 2019
    5
    Currently my mum is in a nursing home for respite after having fall at home, she is due to be discharged tomorrow but I am increasingly worried how I will cope. She has carers come in on a morning for meds and personal care, she wont get up for them, so they issue meds and leave. They are back early evenings for meds only. I work part time but do 2 12 hour shifts plus every 2nd sat and feel exhausted, on those days her sister rings to try and get her up and makes her meals for her. On days off I am at my mums but she just wont get up, some days I am still trying at 5pm. When she is up, she does very little talking and recently is refusing food she used to like, it's so hard knowing what to feed her with. Since fall, i think dementia has moved on a step, eg bathroom next door to her room in nursing home, yet she cant find it, nor find her way back to her room. Has no recollection of ever having carers in. At home she lives alone and diagnosed 2017 but we noticed symptoms many years early but doctors kept saying it was depression. Any tips with dealing with this would be appreciated.
     
  2. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    Please rind adult social care team & ask for a care assessment ! mum went from 2 carers to 4 a day
    Plus email the district nurse, GP, & Clinical mental health team - they have to reply to emails within a certain time frame!
    Your Mum is at risk from bedsores etc, personal care is a major issue.

    My aged mother spent most of her time in bed - if allowed ! Adverse reaction to the thought of showering etc! As for food, cake! Marie Antoinette & my Mother had a sweet tooth in common!!!


    Stop trying to get her up, sorry but dementia makes the child reappear in some! Awkward toddlers with bank accounts & a vote!! If you don’t ask her to get up or wash you might find that reverse psychology works.
    normal life rules are out of the window my lovely, you now get to join the rest of us down the rabbit hole!!

    Either way you need a care assessment done.
    Sorry but it is in her best interests & your sanity might not be so stretched!
    Take care
    Keep posting
    Xxx
     
  3. Farmer jane

    Farmer jane New member

    May 6, 2019
    5
    Many thanks.
     
  4. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    386
    Male
    Hi @Farmer jane. I agree with @DesperateofDevon it sounds as though your Mum's needs have changed considerably. I had three visits a day for Mum (morning 'lunch' and 'evening' - I use the inverted commas as the time they arrive didn't always align with those definitions!). Mum sometimes didn't want to get up but the Carer in the morning worked a method of gentle encouragement and only on a couple of occasions did the 'lunch' carer get her up (they were training in dealing with dementia patients - that may be worth exploring with the care company as not all are). The confusion as to the location of the bathroom in hospital may be lack of familiarity with her surroundings, however, if that continues when Mum gets home then she has probably moved onto the next stage and 'independent' living becomes more problematic. Did Mum not recognise her surroundings at all when she was at home prior to hospitalization?

    I do appreciate it is a very stressful and emotionally draining time - keep posting and I'm sure the good people on the forum will try and help in any way they can - you are not alone!
     
  5. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    I hope progress is made for you all
    Xx
     
  6. Farmer jane

    Farmer jane New member

    May 6, 2019
    5
    Hi Pete 1. Many thanks for taking the time to reply. Mums key worker had tried to get more calls made but this wasn't available by the care team, fully stretched. The carers in the morning asked for her to get up and receive PC up to 3 times as permitted apparently by law, then gave up, as far as I am concerned they didn't try any alternative tactics, so it was left up to me and on days I worked, to her sister who's in her seventies. As regard to recognising her surroundings prior to fall, yes she knew where every room was. Its since fall which took place whilst trying to go to toilet during night, we dont know what happened but she was found by carer lying half in shower which is next to toilet. Anyway as it turns out since my original post I got a call first thing this morning from her key worker who visited her on Tues to say she had spoke with her senior who advised not to let mum home but to first get a OT assessment done as mum lives in a two storey house and she would be concerned with her using stairs, needless to say my mum didn't take this very well, so now it's a matter of waiting on this assessment which should take place start of next week to see what then happens.
     
  7. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    2,212
    Pleased action is being taken
    Xx
     
  8. shaktibhakti

    shaktibhakti Registered User

    Sep 5, 2016
    17
    brighton
    my mother has been in a new nursing home since 12days and she hasnt left her room....distrubing as the other carehome she was always aprticipating and there was more stimulation...i feel im paying £350 more a week for nothing ....im also regretting not putting her in another carehome with nursing thsat was cheaper by this amount.....early days..im going back in friday but had a week where i couldnt visit due to vomiting virus! stressful....thye are on "probation"as not set up BACS payment as yet in case i decide mum needs to be moved which im loath to do as its definatly mums last year with us..shes lost weight and hardly eats enough now
     

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