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Mum won't accept help from carers

Jonny1

Account on hold
Apr 9, 2015
10
Nantwich, Cheshire
Mumps being diagnosed for dementia and lives in a sheltered housing bungalow. She has limited mobility and balance, so finds household tasks and washing herself difficult. Three months ago I arranged for carers to come 3 times a week. At first she just sent them away when they arrived so I had to be there to stop that happening - defeating the object as I arranged the carers as I often work away from home for a couple of days a week. After persisting she seemed to accept them, but in the last 2 weeks she is refusing them again. When I ask her why she says she doesn't need the help and can't afford to pay. She can afford to pay and I show her the bank balance each week to reassure her. Both her and the bungalow are smelling quite bad now, I'm worried that if this continues I'll have to look at a care home which I know she will hate. Has anyone tried any strategies with accepting care that have a lasting effect?
 

Leswi

Registered User
Jul 13, 2014
121
Bedfordshire
Could you ask her to accept the help for your peace of mind so that you don't have to worry about her falling over when cleaning house and showering etc? If she questions finances maybe telling her she gets help for free cause she is getting older would be better and not show her bank statements?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,238
South coast
My mum wouldnt accept any help when she was at that stage either. Its no good trying to explain things and reason with them, because logic and reasoning are the first casualties in dementia. Like your mum, mine truly thought that she could, and was, doing everything and was very concerned about money. I now realise that she couldnt remember that she wasnt doing things and was losing the ability to understand about finances and she simply did not remember my reassurances.

Im sorry to say that I never did work out a solution and mum is now in a CH - however, I have to say that it is not bad as she has thrived there.