• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Mum with alzheimer's

sadistic san

Registered User
Apr 23, 2014
14
First I would like to say that my Mum was a very strong person, in all my life I have never seen her cry, and if she did not want to do something, there would be no way you would get her to do it.

I care for my Mum, and up till now I have been able to keep her settled and happy. However lately she has been getting upset because she wants to go home! I have asked her where home is? and she does not know, I went down to see her and she was crying because she wanted to go home. We took her out for a ride in the car and she seemed better. However we went today to see her and all her plants were gone and she had a bag packed, her coat and handbag were out and she was looking out the window for someone to come. I asked her where her plants had gone and she said "I gave them to the men who came to cut the grass". Also she offered to give me some things. You guessed it, she thinks she is leaving her home.
Any ideas as to what I can do to help Mum realise that she is home.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,679
66
Toronto, Canada
There isn't a great deal you can do to convince your mother she's at home. It is very common for a person with dementia to start talking about going home. I believe that they are looking for a place where they felt safe and secure, since they no longer feel safe where they are. The reason they no longer feel safe in their own home, I think, is that the disease is making things look unfamiliar, so they can't be at home, so they must go home.

It's going to be quite difficult for you and your mother. Is there a day centre she could attend? She may start trying to go home and that can be very frightening.
 

Kezzamac

Registered User
Apr 28, 2015
31
Somerset
My MiL does this often. She asks to go home, asks which train she needs to catch, stands at the door waiting for the taxi, packs bags etc etc. when you ask her where home is she says she doesn't know, or she talks about her childhood home and says she needs to go back to her mother and father. Yesterday she told me she needed to get back to work. When I asked her how old she was she said she's 68.
It's absolutely heartbreaking. The only way round it for us is to tell her we're going soon, but not today. Then we have to distract her.
 

Isabella41

Registered User
Feb 20, 2012
904
Northern Ireland
Rather than confront or try to reason with your mum i'd suggest you just try to change the subject. Could you tell her that you will take her home later as you're busy. If she offers to give you anything take it from her and just put it down elsewhere in the house. I've found the path of least resistance works best.
 

sadistic san

Registered User
Apr 23, 2014
14
There isn't a great deal you can do to convince your mother she's at home. It is very common for a person with dementia to start talking about going home. I believe that they are looking for a place where they felt safe and secure, since they no longer feel safe where they are. The reason they no longer feel safe in their own home, I think, is that the disease is making things look unfamiliar, so they can't be at home, so they must go home.

It's going to be quite difficult for you and your mother. Is there a day centre she could attend? She may start trying to go home and that can be very frightening.
Thank you for helping that explains a lot.:)
 

sadistic san

Registered User
Apr 23, 2014
14
Rather than confront or try to reason with your mum i'd suggest you just try to change the subject. Could you tell her that you will take her home later as you're busy. If she offers to give you anything take it from her and just put it down elsewhere in the house. I've found the path of least resistance works best.
Thank you for replying. It breaks my heart to see her like this.
 

TimT

Registered User
May 11, 2015
10
I've literally just now started my own thread on this exact same situation. I had no idea so many of us share this particular experience. When I read how many others had it, I started to cry. It brought it home just what's going on; I think I'm still in denial.
 

patsy56

Registered User
Jan 14, 2015
839
Fife Scotland
I've literally just now started my own thread on this exact same situation. I had no idea so many of us share this particular experience. When I read how many others had it, I started to cry. It brought it home just what's going on; I think I'm still in denial.
Tim we all were/are. I thought I was the only one until I found here, now I know I am not going daft.........
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,167
Messages
1,699,046
Members
66,986
Latest member
hjc1972