Mum with Alzheimers all advice welcome.

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Kelster, May 11, 2008.

  1. Kelster

    Kelster Registered User

    May 11, 2008
    9
    Hi, I am new to this and I am finding it so helpful, it would be fantastic if anyone could offer me some advice to the problems I am having, and I am very happy to offer advice to anyone I can help also.

    My mum is 59 and was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 6 years ago, she is in the more severe stage of the disease, needs 24 hr care. My dad has been her carer for all this time without any help. I have recently become my mums second carer as my dad was struggling and it was beginning to take a serious toll on his health also. She was not liking strange people coming to the house and it was stressing her out so I decided to take on the role.

    I have given up work to care from my mum and have been doing so full time for about 2 months. My mums behaviour over the last week or so has deterioated and she has become very difficult, not eating, saying no to every suggestion we make, refusing to go out the house and being very aggitated, pacing, sitting in another room away from us and constantly saying she wants to go home. Even though we reassure her she is in her own house, she keeps saying it and she gets frustrated and annoyed.

    Myself coming in as a second carer has helped my dad as I am managing to get her washed and dressed in the morning which my father was having difficulty with, and I think there is trust there, even though she does not think I am her daughter, she knows I am kind etc. But her mood swings are awful and at times she will look at me like she hates me.

    I try to give her loads of attention, do activities with her like baking cakes, painting nails etc, that does sometimes lighten her mood, but the last week or so she has not wanted to do anything and is extremely moody.

    My dad says that this is the behaviour that she showed before I started to care for her full time, so it may be a case that she has got used to me now and has reverted back to her old ways.

    I did read that someone saying they want to go home means they are anxious, want to feel like they want to be doing something and perhaps trying to revert to their old life style before the illness, but my mum has lost total interest in everything round the house, shopping etc. So trying to improve her self esteem by getting her involved in washing up, cleaning etc is no good, she is not interested.

    Has anyone got any suggestions on anything that can help my situation. I have thought about consulting a doctor to change her medication this week. But If there is anything I could do to improve the situation I would feel alot better.

    Many Thanks and look forward to hearing peoples responses.
     
  2. Cliff

    Cliff Registered User

    Jun 29, 2007
    777
    North Wales
    Hello Kelster,

    Have just read your post and can identify with everything you write. We have no family and are in early 80's.

    But I have had help. Firstly, the Memory Clinic's nurses stepped in and were very supportive.

    I am self funding and until recently, Social Services were of no help at all. My suggestion is that you keep badgering SS as hard as you can and keep at it. It will pay off. But beware it is a Post Code lottery.

    The Memory Clinic started a day centre and Dee, my wife, took to it at once.

    Since then I have linked up with the local Alzheimer's Society Branch, Cross Roads, and an organisation sponsored by our council, Carers Outreach. All put you in touch with others locally and you learn quickly what is available to help you.

    Kelster, you need assistance and I hope these comments are helpful. Am sure others will help as well.

    Keep posting, Talking Point Forum has saved me and it will help you too,

    Very best wishes,
     
  3. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Kelster

    Although my husband doesn't experience this, others have often talked about this as "sundowning" which seems to be part of the illness. I am sure others who care for loved ones experiencing sundowning will inform you more fully.

    You mention that you notice changes in your mum's behaviour and wonder about her medication. It can't do any harm to discuss this with her GP in case her medication does need a review but I suspect that this could also be part and parcel of the illness.

    It is so distressing to experience the decline of one's loved one but your mum is very fortunate to have you caring for her.

    Love and best wishes

    Helen
     
  4. Kelster

    Kelster Registered User

    May 11, 2008
    9
    Many Thanks

    Hi Cliff

    Many thanks for your advice and I will definately look into everything you have mentioned.

    I have got social services involved but still awaiting funding, it is taking ages. I have found a good day care centre, just need to get mum there without any problems. I don't know how she is going to take to it really. I have heard of crossroads and will definately contact them.

    My dad goes to the alzheimers society carers groups and they are very helpful. At the moment its just finding ways around these behaviour problems my mum is having. I just want her to be happy and chill out, if I can help with that I would feel a lot better about everything.

    Many Thanks again and take care

    Kelly
     
  5. Kelster

    Kelster Registered User

    May 11, 2008
    9
    Many Thanks

    Hi Helen

    Many thanks for your help, yes I have heard of sundowning and I will look it up and mention it to the doctor. I will definately have a chat about medication too. Many thanks for all your help, fingers crossed I will be able to get something sorted. Also does your husband refuse to eat?, I am very concerned about this also.

    Kind regards,

    Kelly
     
  6. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hi Kelly

    Alan loves his food and has no trouble eating it. He doesn't have Alzheimers, he has a Fronto Temperal Lobe dementia and I'm learning about it as I go along!! I must admit that although Alan eats very well and healthily, he is losing weight. I eat the same things and I'm not losing weight.

    Regarding getting your mum to relax and chill, I think we would all love that for our loved ones. I was only informed the other day that there are good days and bad days and I have to accept the bad days as well as embrace the good ones. Others have said that the good days have all but disappeared but it is something they have had to face. I am not there yet and neither are you because things might change with your mum.

    Love Kelly

    Helen
     
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Kelly - welcome to Talking Point.

    Another thing you could consider: is it possible that your mother either has a UTI (urinary tract infection), another kind of infection, or even constipation? Any of those can cause a dramatic downturn and often the only symptom is behavioural (no fever or anything).
     
  8. Kelster

    Kelster Registered User

    May 11, 2008
    9
    Thanks Jennifer

    Hi Jennifer

    Thankyou for that I will definately mention it to the doctor also.

    Best Wishes
    Kelly
     
  9. Kelster

    Kelster Registered User

    May 11, 2008
    9
    Hi helen

    Hi Helen

    Thanks for your speedy reply, it is good that Alan enjoys his food, I have heard of frontal lobe dementia, is it quite different to alzheimers? I think I will have to accept there will be good days and bad days, its just hard going when you have had a whole week of it and to see my dad so stressed too is horrible.

    Take care

    kelly
     

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