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Mum with althzeimers

tzavet

Registered User
Feb 23, 2020
12
Hi I’m new just joined so finding my way around the forum . My mum has been deteriorating slowly for the last 10 years approximately , she refused tests so hard to know when it really started . She nursed my dad through cancer he died 5 years ago but he was caring for her too with her memory loss . She is 93 still determined to stay in her home but she would be so much better in care . She has 4 care visits a day . we have a wonderful carer who goes in for 4 hours weekly to shop clean etc. . It’s becoming more and more difficult for myself and my 2 sisters to visit and keep the house going, there always seems to be something to fix . She is very difficult and can be very selfish stubborn as a mule although she can be lovely and sweet too . She’s recently been getting angry with the cares , She still manages to be taken to a lunch club but her walking is steadily deteriorating
My elder sister is unwell and lives a 6 hr drive away , my younger sister is 4hrs away is 60 and working , she tries to visit every six weeks . I am a 40 mins drive away but am often away helping with my 3 grandchildren the eldest has bladder and bowel problems the little one has some issues at school after a really bad concussion . My daughter needs support with the children I am 66 have lupus , fibrosing alopecia and underactive thyroid I just can’t keep helping my mum . She flatly refuses to go into home , I was coping but a bad virus has flattened me , Im loosing my hair again , My mum has always leant on me emotionally as dad was mentally unstable . Writing this down makes me see how crazy this situation is , it’s destroying me . She was treated recently with antibiotics for a chest infection ,recovered easily . So that’s it folks , at least I’m now getting my pension and have a supportive wonderful husband .
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,313
N Ireland
Hello @tzavet you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I feel for you as you have such a lot going on there.

I see you are taking time to take a good look around the site and I'm sure you'll find it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
138
Do, you know you are part of the sandwich generation?
In particular you are a club sandwich!

Club Sandwich: those in their 40s, 50s or 60s sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren, or those in their 20s, 30s and 40s, with young children, aging parents and grandparents.

Welcome to the club! I am a reluctant member too!
My plans for my 60 plus years included travel theatre etc. Haha
I worry about getting together with friends as I have so little to talk about these days!
I have lots of sympathy for you, but sadly not many solutions. Buy a lottery ticket?