It has got to the point now that my mum is to go into care. The reason for this is that my step father can no longer cope with the demands of looking after her and it is considered that the situation at present puts both of them at considerable risk, particularly as he is a diabetic with other health problems. Extra help in the home is not an option, as the house is not fit for purpose, especially with her IBS, and the hygiene issues associated with it that are getting out of control. It would not be a problem, but every attempt to get mum into respite in the past has failed. She even refused to go to a day care centre and became very disorientated, agitated and aggressive. It is a very fine line between her free choice and safeguarding her and her husband. I am very upset at the prospect as it feels that we are going behind her back but everyone agrees that this is the best, in fact the only, option. I can only hope that she settles. At present she sometimes thinks she is not in her own house and asks to be taken home, so I hope after a short time she will accept the situation and not notice the change. Does anyone have any thoughts on this and experiences that you can share?