1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Mum went into a care home yesterday

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Livveywills, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. Pingu

    Pingu Registered User

    Sep 6, 2013
    13
    I've also never dreaded anything more than the day we moved Dad into care (he's been there 8 months now). As it turned out, the move can go much better than expected. I wrote a thread about it here:-

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?84766-Dads-move-into-care-home

    It came as a massive relief that Dad never asked to be taken anywhere else (he didn't know what 'home' meant). Before he went into care I had nightmares of him holding onto the bars on the garden fence trying to escape prison.

    Now I can be his son again (although he doesn't know who I am) and don't have to worry about anything any more, e.g., I don't have to try to get him to do things he doesn't want to do such as put on appropriate clothing, not spit food on the floor, take medication etc as I leave all that up to the rest-home staff.

    There comes a time when a resthome is absolutely the best place they can be; best for them and best for the rest of the family.
     
  2. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    That's how I feel, I'm not in charge of forcing her to do things, worrying that it is all going to go pear shaped when I go this afternoon with the dog, and that she doesn't start asking to come home. I honestly don't think I can handle her coming home. The worry and the strain and knowing that I could be hundreds of miles away at work when a carer calls in sick and my husband is there on his own with 5 kids and we have no workable back up plan.

    We can't go back to that
     
  3. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    So I visited with the dog, and mum was thrilled to see him and duly showed him off to all of the residents. We had the best time together that we have had in as long as I can remember.

    SOme confusion as she got the idea that the whole family would be moving into the care home, but mum seemed happy, unsure at first about staying there but definately warmed to the idea once we were chatting, when I arrived mum was chatting to another lady who is at about the same stage of dementia as her and she seems to have mad friends with the man a couple of doors down.

    Realise we aren't home and dry yet but definatly moving in the right direction. And if anything has shown how precarious our situation was before, the kids have had a sick bug, one after another, we are now at 4 down, one to go and I caught it yesterday. If we'd have been trying to care for mum at the same time it would have been so hard and she would have probably ended up catching it and that would have been impossible to manage. As it was we can call her, know she is safe, fed and looked after if a bit miffed that I didn't go up yesterday armed with her grandchildren
     
  4. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    I guess with the sick bug you didn't make it to the beach then....?
     
  5. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    250
    Omg we have the sick bug too!,
    Daughter projectile vomited all over my living room carpet last night. I have sprayed and bleached everything in sight. Just praying I don't get it, it's my worse thing. I bought something called Enterosgel from Holland & Barret, it's meant to help clear it up quicker as its mops up the virus. I'm taking it hoping it will stop it before it gets going inside me.

    I'm so pleased your mum likes the home, it is such a relief knowing they are safe 24 hrs a day.
     
  6. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Livvywills, that is a fantastic story..........my mother is also getting to the stage where she will need to go into a home and is refusing. She is becoming incontinent..........won't go into the story I found on Friday, .....but I have told her she need care which I can't give as live too far away, and also it is ruining my health.

    My OH is also beginning to get the DLB symptoms with his Parkinson's and I feel or wonder what have I done to deserve this?
     
  7. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    No, we didn't get to the beach, I ended up with the sick bug too and spent my first free Saturday curled up on the sofa feeling sorry for myself!

    But if anything it has shown us how we would have struggled to cope, out of 2 adults and 5 kids 5 of us ended up with the sick bug in less than a week (children revolting germ spready things!) We would have either ended up giving it to mum and handling her with a sick bug at this stage doesn't bare thinking about. Or we'd have been run ragged up and down to her house with food and tablets and she'd have been frustrated as she would have been on her own. As it was I could be miserable and sick and sorry for myself happily knowing mum was safe and cared for if a little grumpy that I didn't make it over.

    Visited again this morning, Mum isn't asking to go home at all, she does keep thinking that I am going to move into the care home to live with her which is tricky. We've had some moans and grumbles about staff and things, but compared to how it is usually this is very minor and the fact that once she has moaned I can walk away knowing she is ok and I don't have to be the one that goes back later and feed her or something makes it much easier to handle.

    Spoke to the manager today and we have decided that i'm going to ask the social worker tomorrow to do an assesment for a permenant place - thank goodness I have plenty of direct payment money in back payments as she says it often takes months for them to sort out funding.
     

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