Mum wants to go back after incident

[ppm]

My 93 year old mother has been my 85 year old father's carer - he has Alzheimers. At the weekend he went into a rage, told her to get out of the house, then physically dragged her out of the house and threw her onto the grass outside. My mother has been staying with my sister since the incident, and we have been trying to arrange emergency in-home care for my dad while we look for a care home.
In the meantime my mum has become really worrried about him, has said that she doesn't want my dad to go into a care home, and that she wants to go back and try to care for him again.
Dad has clearly been confused, afraid and upset because she hasn't been around, and keeps asking where she is. I've explained what happened, but he doesn't recall any of it. He wants to call her to make things right.
Obviously we're very concerned that she'll be put at risk if she goes back, although my dad hasn't shown any signs of aggression or violent behaviour since the incident.
The possibility of a urinary tract infection has been raised, but he refuses to provide a urine sample. The nurse has now prescribed antibiotics so we'll never know.
I was wondering whether anyone had views on whether we should allow mum to go back to dad?

 

[AlsoConfused]

My personal belief is that your 93 year old mother is probably too old and tired herself to cope with being the main carer even for an easy patient ... and intermittently at least your Dad isn't an easy patient.

Without wanting to, your Dad could easily have harmed your Mum so badly - eg by breaking her hip - in that one incident that she'd be permanently crippled and he'd have to go into a care home anyway. There are likely to be other incidents aren't there?

Obviously the love between them is still there and they miss each other deeply. It's a sad turning in their lives together.

Does your Mum know what good care homes offer in today's world? I found my Dad believed the nursing home would stop him visiting Mum except within restricted hospital visiting hours; that she'd be constrained by lots of rules saying what she could and couldn't do ... it was a kind of expectation that the nursing home would be very much like an old-fashioned Workhouse. Perhaps visiting a few good (carefully selected!) care homes with you would be reassuring?