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Mum tries to take charge of everybody

justjimjams

Registered User
Jan 30, 2013
12
Somerset
Mums in a care home, it's a lovely place and the staff do a good job for the most part. But increasingly she is trying to take charge of the other residents - the other day she told them they shouldn't take their meds 'just because the staff told them to'...

But it's more than that, much more, it's got to a point where a lot of the residents don't enjoy sitting down for their tea together because mum is (I hate to say) ruling the roost..argumentative..if they don't agree with her viewpoint. She'll just keep on and on and on. She even had her best friend (resident) in tears the other day. The staff say she is the same with them. Once she's got the bit between her teeth she won't let anything go.

she was the same with me last time I saw her.

The home are saying that unless something can be sorted they won't be able to have her, which I can appreciate. There's to be a meeting in 2 weeks time with a CPN.
Has anyone any thoughts or suggestions as to a way forward here?
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,995
UK
It does sound as if her medication needs looking at and perhaps tweaking. I would ring the Dr/mental health team and ask for a review.
 

justjimjams

Registered User
Jan 30, 2013
12
Somerset
It does sound as if her medication needs looking at and perhaps tweaking. I would ring the Dr/mental health team and ask for a review.
At the moment she's only on paracetamol, nothing else.
I think I'm worried the home & CPN will just say she's not suitable for the (lovely) home anymore..without seeing if there's some appropriate Meds that could curb this 'controlling' behaviour.

Do others have this problem of excessive 'control' from their loved one?
 

BR_ANA

Registered User
Jun 27, 2012
1,079
Brazil
If it is something new, talk GP about UTI. If she is like that, maybe some pills can help.
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
Is your mum in an EMI home? or a residential home? If the latter it may well be that this is not really suitable for your mum long term.
I completely agree with the poster above who says get your mum tested for a urine infection, unbelievable thought this may sound, it can completely and totally knock someone with dementia off balance.

Your mum might need other medication but then again it is hardly surprising that when you feel you are losing control of all sorts of things you become obsessive about controlling what is around you.
There may be tactics such as compassionate communication that the staff can use to help, but I doubt that would be enough to be honest.
 

justjimjams

Registered User
Jan 30, 2013
12
Somerset
I don't think it is a uti, unfortunately mum has always been quite 'strong willed' and this behaviour seems to have gone into a concentrated form - it's almost like whatever others do, whether staff or residents, Mum wants to do the exact opposite. Regardless. And she'll argue the point ad infinitum to the sheer exhaustion and frustration of anyone involved. She does it with me too. Drives me insane. There's no reasoning. She follows her train of illogical thought and can't see another's point of view..

The home is just a care home, they have a few people with dementia, but they just need 'prompting' etc and dont incite to riot.
The sad thing is, Mum doesn't realise that she's shooting herself in the foot with this behaviour- she loves company and banter etc.

If you're right and she needs a different place..it'll be such a shame because she loves chatting with people around her..it's just she can't seem to not commandeer the relationships.