My mum (69) is now in permanent care as of end of Jan 2020 after a rapid detonation over the past year from Lewy Bodies (diagnosed May 2019), she's had ups and downs but for the most part has settled more than I thought she would. I visit once to twice a week, and yesterday when my brother visited my mum apparently was in hysterics saying I was dead and had been searching for my body...
It's hard to put into words the mental and emotional manipulation and physical harm I've (I'm 34) endured since childhood at the hands of my mother. It's something I'm healing from though, but what is really tormenting me is that I could have years and years of this to come. I know it would be the same whether she was in her home, or a care home, but I can't help asking myself why I drew such a short straw when it came to parents.
My mum and dad divorced when I was three and I haven't seen him since I was 5. He was abusive toward my mum, but I'm too young to remember anything so I only have her word to go on and my older brother by 7 years has never indicated for or against her version of events. because of her type of dementia, hallucinations are frequent and now she has taken to seeing my dad in her toilet and frequently argues with him. I don't know if he is dead or alive as I haven't heard from him, apart from when I was 8 when he tried to get custody of me, and approx 8 years ago my mum was contacted by Interpol (he moved to Holland when him and mum divorced, was age 5 or so by then) because this second wife had reported him missing. That was the last I heard of it.
I don't really know what I am asking tbh. I have many family issues (don't most?) and I am serious about finding a therapist for it. I just need to ask people how to deal with the dead thing - when my brother told me I got angry first and foremost. Because it was like more manipulation. My brother clocked out many years ago with mum and has only within the last year become present (sons eh) but he has remained absent with me. He is annoyed I was granted POA years ago to the exclusion of him.
I had to phone mum on my lunch break today to reassure her I wasn't dead. I try to see her twice a week as I have always done but the thought of this for years and years to come will drive me into an early grave before it does her.
It's hard to put into words the mental and emotional manipulation and physical harm I've (I'm 34) endured since childhood at the hands of my mother. It's something I'm healing from though, but what is really tormenting me is that I could have years and years of this to come. I know it would be the same whether she was in her home, or a care home, but I can't help asking myself why I drew such a short straw when it came to parents.
My mum and dad divorced when I was three and I haven't seen him since I was 5. He was abusive toward my mum, but I'm too young to remember anything so I only have her word to go on and my older brother by 7 years has never indicated for or against her version of events. because of her type of dementia, hallucinations are frequent and now she has taken to seeing my dad in her toilet and frequently argues with him. I don't know if he is dead or alive as I haven't heard from him, apart from when I was 8 when he tried to get custody of me, and approx 8 years ago my mum was contacted by Interpol (he moved to Holland when him and mum divorced, was age 5 or so by then) because this second wife had reported him missing. That was the last I heard of it.
I don't really know what I am asking tbh. I have many family issues (don't most?) and I am serious about finding a therapist for it. I just need to ask people how to deal with the dead thing - when my brother told me I got angry first and foremost. Because it was like more manipulation. My brother clocked out many years ago with mum and has only within the last year become present (sons eh) but he has remained absent with me. He is annoyed I was granted POA years ago to the exclusion of him.
I had to phone mum on my lunch break today to reassure her I wasn't dead. I try to see her twice a week as I have always done but the thought of this for years and years to come will drive me into an early grave before it does her.