Mum thinks she's going to be murdered

[Babycatcher]

Hi everyone, I have just joined this forum today as things are getting on top of me and I need some sort of support. Mum has been gradually getting worse over past 6 years- memory at first, then confusion and in the past 3 weeks she's had a sudden severe deterioration. We've seen drs and psychiatrist- all bloods and urine normal so waiting for a brain scan, as they think it may be a vascular episode/ mini stroke which has caused the sudden changes. My dad (86) is her main carer, I live within 5 minutes, I work part time and have 3 children. My only sibling lives in America. The symptoms which are upsetting myself and dad are that she is up most of the night saying there are gunmen breaking into the house and they are going to kill her. Sometimes she wakes up screaming and takes a very long time to settle. Dad hasn't had much sleep in 3 weeks and it's awful to think that she is constantly in fear for her life. Last time I saw her she told me voices were telling her they were going to kill me and she was worrying about me. She's even dialled 999 unbeknown to my dad until he opened the door to 2 officers who said they'd had a call about gunmen at the house! She's also started wandering out of the house saying she's looking for her brother ( he died 4 years ago) so that's a huge worry.
I know I won't get any answers on here, but I just need somewhere to vent my feelings

 

[SarahL]

Sorry to hear how tiring and worrying this is with your Mum. Does she have any medication? She may be able to have something to calm her down in the evenings, which are probably her worst time of day. My Mum was getting very paranoid at night, was staying up all night, rang the police on many occasions and told them I'd locked her into the house and stolen all her jewellery. She also thought there were people in the house too. She had been ringing me over 40-50 times a day for the past 2-3 years which then increased to calling me throughout the night too. Mum has now gone into a care home and she is on medication, which has really calmed her anxiety and agitation which is why I wonder if something can be sorted for your Mum. My Mum has Alzheimer's though which is different to vascular dementia so I'm not sure if it's treated differently. Sorry I can't be much help. You must be exhausted and your Dad too, I really feel for you. I too went through caring on my own. Have you told the GP about this, or the dementia services, to get some more professional support for you and your Dad and of course for your Mum, as it's horrible for her to be so agitated.

 

[Babycatcher]

Thank you Sarah, mum was prescribed some anti psychotic tablets last Monday by the psychiatrist, not sure what they're called, but only one at night. The Dr did say they may take a few days to kick in, but dad says they've not had any effect at all so far. I have found it really hard to find out where to get help- have managed by a process of trial and error to get social services involved and they are arranging for a carer to come and help with dressing as my dad can't manage dressing mum now, but does anyone else feel that it's a case of do it yourself research into finding help- I feel that it's almost like the relevant services are keeping it a big secret so no one knows how to access help!! You mentioned getting help/ support for myself or my dad- how do I do this??

 

[LadyA]

Babycatcher, if the antipsychotic your mum was prescribed doesn't seem to be having any affect - contact the prescribing doctor and make that clear. My husband went through a truly awful, terrifying time with 24 hour hallucinations & delusions. He was going to be murdered. There were evil children living in the trees outside screaming & throwing things. There were men living in the attic, going to kill us all. There torturers living in dau's bedroom, torturing her to death (with teaspoons! ) - and by pouring acid in her eyes - every night. On and on and on it went until he became a danger to himself and us in his terror. The first antipsychotic prescribed had no affect at all. Then he was put on Risperidone, and it was literally like someone flipped a switch. The dose has to be started very gradually and built up - but as soon as he started, I could see the difference. My husband is now in a nursing home due to the normal progression of the disease (the episodes I described were at the beginning of 2011) - he just went into full time care in September last. He had a couple of good years, when he was calm and content, before the progression of the illness made it impossible for me to care for him by myself.

So don't give up. Sometimes you have to keep on rattling cages on behalf of those you are caring for. Good luck.