Mum thinks I'm her

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Boldredrosie, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. Boldredrosie

    Boldredrosie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2012
    237
    So this is an odd one. On a number of occasions recently my mother has thought I'm her and, obviously that's a very confusing thing to feel. I should say that I look very much like my mother (and her sister and her mum -- we're all peas in a pod). Has anybody else experienced something similar?

    My Ma has been in her very lovely care home for about two and half years. She's settled well and is very well cared for but obviously she's declining and has some days that are better than others. This business of thinking I'm her is quite new and I'm not sure how to handle it. Any thoughts welcomed.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    4,964
    Female
    Scotland
    That is complicated! I have been my mother or my daughter or even my daughters sister to my husband but you’ve gone one further!
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,577
    Female
    South coast
    Wow, I thought I had come across everything with the person who thought they were actually dead, but this is a new one on me.

    Do you mean that she thinks that it is her that is standing infront of her, or does she mean that she thinks you have the same name?
    Can you make light of it by saying something like "I know, we could be twins!" and then changing the subject?
     
  4. SpanishAnnie

    SpanishAnnie Registered User

    Apr 26, 2018
    41
    What does she say to you when relating you as her ? I ask as my FIL gets all the family relationships all muddled up too, all of the various family members in there. But what we find is that on some occasions he is using the wrong word, so l’ll say it’s Ann, your DIL and he’ll laugh and say ahh yes sorry. Depends on his mood and how the day has gone as sometimes it’s confusing to correct them.
     
  5. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    6,703
    Yorkshire
    hi @Boldredrosie
    there's a lady in dad's care home who I have hardly ever heard call herself by 'I' or 'me' she talks of herself by name eg 'come on (name) sit down' or '(name) wants a cuppa', and she calls everyone else by her name - it'ss as though her name has become her word for a person, any person
    so maybe your mum knows you are close and important to her, as if you are another her, and therefore gives you her name and identity
     
  6. Boldredrosie

    Boldredrosie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2012
    237
    She thinks it's her standing in front of her -- bit mind blowing.
     
  7. Boldredrosie

    Boldredrosie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2012
    237
    "Are you me?" "How am on the other side of the room?" Until I can reassure her, she's convinced I'm her.
     
  8. Boldredrosie

    Boldredrosie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2012
    237
    Nah, for a few moments she's convinced I'm her. It's all very peculiar. I had just about got used to being her mum and her sister but actually being her has been a whole new experience for me.
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    4,964
    Female
    Scotland
    Do you look like your mother when she was young? When she looks at you is she seeing what she might have looked like at your age and thinks it is herself. I often get a glimpse of myself in the mirror looking like my mother and increasingly I see my eldest daughter looking like her. Genes are funny old things.
     
  10. Boldredrosie

    Boldredrosie Registered User

    Mar 13, 2012
    237
    oh yes, I look very much like her, more so now I'm in my 50s.
     
  11. SpanishAnnie

    SpanishAnnie Registered User

    Apr 26, 2018
    41
    Oh wow, yes very mind blowing indeed, you must have tried all sorts !
    Hope things settle for you and it’s just a phase !
    Good luck !
     

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