1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. MandyW

    MandyW Registered User

    Oct 11, 2005
    24
    Newbury
    #1 MandyW, Jan 21, 2006
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2006
    Hi everyone,

    I posted a thread a while ago when Mum (55) had an 'incident' in Tesco, when she started shouting out that I was stealing stuff and was using her as my decoy!!
    Mum was with me yesterday and at the moment her obsession has changed from picking her face to bits to constantly worrying about her hands and rings. Mum spotted a ring on my finger that she had passed on to me when I was 18 and came to the conclusion that I had stolen it from her that very day! She also cant see her wedding rings on her finger and thinks that we have sold them or swapped them for cheaper versions!
    It's really upsetting, I know that it's not my 'real mum' talking but I cant seem to get over this suspician all of the time.
    Also I was trimming my Mum's toenails for her yesterday and noticed that her toes on her left foot has swollen and gone a kinda purple-y black colour, and when I looked further up her leg she has an area on her leg that has gone bad and obviously infected. I cant stand seeing all of these things and I really worry. My stepdad does a fantastic job of looking after Mum but doesn't notice these things(girlie territory!) I take it that that is my job! It's hard to get Mum to go to the doctors and I think that it depresses my Stepdad when he does take her. I cant help but think that this is the beginning of the end-but I'm not ready, not yet, I still need her!
    She has really gone down hill recently, she hardly says a word and when she does it comes out all wrong, her confusion is worse-she loses her way around the house now.
    Sorry to keep on, some days I can cope, other days i cant.
    On that bright note (not!) I'm going to go now and stuff myself with chocolate!
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hey Mandy, don't apologise I've only been posting on here for a short time, but one thing I think all carers realise is what a "rollercoaster" (your expression I think Zan) journey this is.
    When dad had difficulty getting mum to the surgery he asked the doctor to make a home visit. You can also request the district nurse to call. It maybe that your mum has simply kicked her toe (the edge of the fireplace was mum's favourite, she just didn't seem to see it.) Get someone to check your mum's foot and leg, if nothing else it will put your mind at rest.
    Oh I know the feeling. I think it is several years since my mum was at the stage that your mum now is. Make the most of every moment. Say the things that you need to say. Continue to love your mum despite the hurtful things the illness does to you.
    You can cope, you sound to be doing a brilliant job.
    With love
    Amy
     
  3. davidw

    davidw Registered User

    Dec 28, 2005
    23
    swansea,uk
    Mandy my wife (57) sounds as if she is not quite as severly affected as your Mum yet but she is showing similar problems. She thinks I am having an affair with the lady who runs the newspaper shop because I go in there every week ( I have neither the energy or the inclination) . She also believes that someone is stealing her clothes although we always find them eventually!

    It all adds up to a pretty exhausting and demoralising scenario but we have got to keep trying to cope. Good luck and lean on my shoulder anytime you want as our problems sound similar

    David
     
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    I have not really had much in the way of these problems with Lionel, everyone is different I know.

    However for the first time today he has had me hunting for a (non existant) cheque. Supposedly an inheritance from someone who died many, many years ago. Then he said "its probably your light-fingered friend, the one who is always popping in here, I think he fancies you". Where did all this come from?

    I know its different things at different stages, and we have to learn to work them through. So now I have typed a letter to an imaginary solicitor asking him to try to trace Lionels inheritance. At least it has kept him quiet for a little while.
    Today really has been weird. Regards to all, Connie
     
  5. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Oh dear Connie, it sounds as if you might really need that extra drink tonight after all!

    Impossible for a stranger to guess, of course, but perhaps some conversation Lionel has had with someone whilst he has been away from home these last 2 weeks has sparked it off? 10/10 for your tactics to deal with it though!

    Best wishes
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Today Lionel has repeatedly asked me to drive him to a house he has inherited.
    According to him its just up the road............I have run out of diverting tactics.

    Where do these flights of fancy come from. As I said previously, until this weekend, I have not had this problem to deal with. I know from reading all the posts on TP that some of you have been dealing with this type of issue for a long time. Oh for a spare bucketful of patience! and yet at least it is communication of a sort. One blessing therefore. Take care, Connie
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Here is another new one for us.
    Peg regularly talks to a cat and asks "is the cat in"?
    It's my shoes sometimes that is the cat.
    We have not had a cat now for about two years.
    Weird or what?
    Norman
     
  8. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    I knew it was a mistake for you to buy yourself those fluffy slippers! :D
    Just watch out for saucers of milk to get stepped in!
     
  9. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    2,259
    West Sussex
    Hi all, I can recognise the scenario only too well. A ruse I found useful, when Mum wanted me to run her to her "home" - the house she lived in 40 years ago, or anything else I could not possibly put the clock back on, was to say something along the lines of, oh sorry, theres someone coming I have to wait in for today (or some such excuse), lets sort it out tomorrow. Then tomorrow, I just said the same sort of thing, so tomorrow was always something for her to look forward to, this saved any arguments or her stomping off to go on her own, and also helped my own sanity out on the today front!! Love She. XX
     

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