Mum thinks I’m saying awful things.

[Littlejimbo]

Hello everyone I’m not sure if this is in the right place. My Mum has Alzheimer’s, diagnosed the beginning of 2016. The main thing it affects is her memory. I’ve always been really close to my Mum, she has me and my brother. Myself and my brother don’t speak to each other, he lived with her for a long time but ended up being quite short tempered and frustrated with her. In the end he moved out, he has since took her to make a will and I got to the point that I had a safeguarding issue with him.
My Mum now thinks that I have said something nasty to her (I haven’t) and it’s breaking my heart. What can I do? It happened 2 weeks ago and has now happened again. I deny it and get upset then she tells me to forget about it and says how much she loves me but can’t get it out off her head. I asked her if she says things like this to my brother and she says of course not. I don’t really know how to cope with this.

 

[try again]

Everyone says its the disease and not your mother. I keep having to remember that when my mother comes out with strange stuff. There may be nothing to the statement, your brother might have said something about you that she remembers or misheard or it could come from somewhere else. Sadly with this diease you have to toughen up at some point. Its also no use trying to explain. If she brings it up say sorry and make up an excuse - you were very worried about your job, your dog, your brothers car....

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Littlejimbo, welcome to posting on the forum.

Much of what some with dementia say may be confabulation - a mixture of partial memory/understanding pieced together with anything that makes the statement factual to them.

General communication may be aided by the tips contained in the thread that can be found by clicking this link https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Littlejimbo]

Everyone says its the disease and not your mother. I keep having to remember that when my mother comes out with strange stuff. There may be nothing to the statement, your brother might have said something about you that she remembers or misheard or it could come from somewhere else. Sadly with this diease you have to toughen up at some point. Its also no use trying to explain. If she brings it up say sorry and make up an excuse - you were very worried about your job, your dog, your brothers car....

Thanks for the reply. I'm afraid I can't really toughen up at the moment, it's too raw. I do realise that at some point I will have to but at the moment I'm struggling.

 

[karaokePete]

BTW, @Littlejimbo, the Society Factsheet that can be read by clicking this link may help you as it covers things like accusing https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/1096