mum thinks her mum & dad are still here

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by nemesisis, Sep 23, 2007.

  1. nemesisis

    nemesisis Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    100
    as some may be aware after mums third fall (two broken arms and a broken hip) she is now in a community hospital for rehabilitation (me and my brother thinks she needs proper 24 hour care) she does seem to understand that she needs some one to look after her but she keeps saying to me that her mum & dad will look after her but as grandad has been dead for 33 years and nana for 20 years what do I say to her. Up to now I have changed the subject but last night she was so upset that they would be worried where she was I didn't know what to say I just said everyone rings me to find out how she is but she said when mum & dad ring again tell them to come and get me (bless) what do I say ?
     
  2. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Keep doing what you ar doing.Change the subject.To tell them their parents are deceased will start the grieving process all over again for them.If they persist in the belief ask them their age.if they reply rightly then remind them that their parents are not here anymore because of their age,if the reply is of a very young age then try to bring the resident forward and discuss their previous life before entering the home.just advice.love elainex
     
  3. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    I agree with Elaine, keep changing the subject, but if that fails, try bringing up birthdays, e.g mums birthday/age, your birthday/age, then say something like gosh, if nan/granddad where still here, they would be x age, but I wouldnt do it just after she asked for her mum and dad, try to do it before she asks. Just a suggestion. Of course you will probably need to do this on a regular basis, no doubt she will forget the conversation.
     
  4. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Nemesisis, Yeah, no point in mentioning mum and dad, just run along with it at the moment. At some time in the future you can mention her mum and dad and memories will perhaps come back. Mum did this suddenly, "have you heard from my mam and dad?".

    I have made a photo album of all her relatives. Funny, no friends. Which might be why her relatives are so important. I am still working on it. It might help her to put into context who is still alive and who is not.

    But it might not!

    Love

    Margaret
     
  5. nemesisis

    nemesisis Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    100
    #5 nemesisis, Sep 23, 2007
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2007
    ta all

    I did hold her hand and remind her of her wedding ring but she didn't seem to remember dad and she was devestated when he died so if she cannot remember him how long before she remembers me?
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,873
    Kent
    Dear nemesisis,

    I`m afraid this is another part of the illness. My husband is convinced that when he goes `home` in will be back to his grandmother`s farm. He is talking about a farm in an Indian village, but he now thinks the same farm and family are waiting for him in Manchester.

    I`m so sorry, it hurts so much to hear this kind of talk I know.

    Love xx
     
  7. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    :eek: Most of the time mum confuses me with her long ago dead sister, she died when a teenager some 70 years ago. But I know she knows I am her daughter, its just the name and the history she gets mixed up with, but that's OK.

    She thinks my son is her son and not grandson, goodness knows who she thinks my brother is. Some days I could cry buckets when I think how awful it is for her to be so confused, but then she give me a beaming smile, and its all ok.

    I'm going to pick her up later to spend the afternoon with me, then have an evening meal, which she loves. She gets tickled pink when I take her back to the NH and its dark, she feels shes had a real outing then, going 'home' after dark:D

    I recently bought from the Red Cross one of those frames you put around the toilet for our downstairs loo, makes life a lot easier. Bless her, its too low for her to get up, and when I try to lift her, she gets a fit of the giggles, then I do, and of course laughter tends to render you pretty helpless, and as mum spends 'lots of pennys', it was getting we spent most of her visits in the loo, laughing:eek:
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,873
    Kent
     
  9. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Hi nemesisis, my mum often asks about her mum and dad, sometimes she asks if they have gone or are they still at home, at one time I could tell her that they had passed and she would say; Oh you forget these things, but of late she thinks her mum is alive and asks me to go and tell her mum that she is OK and not to worry about her. I just go along with her. Mum also waits for her brothers to come and get her in their car to take her home, these brothers have also passed away. Sometimes mum is quite calm about it all other times she is distressed I just offer up reasons as to why they can't come, if that fails, I tell her I'll go and find them, this always pleases her. It is so difficult and very sad to watch our loved ones like this. Take Care Taffy.
     
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,149
    Toronto, Canada
    Dear Nemesisis,
    As everyone else has said, try & change the subject. My mother asked a lot about her mother mostly. This came in phases too. So for weeks she would ask every day. I would say "They're fine - the same as always", "I spoke to them last night".

    You can try saying when she is completely well, they'll come get her. With her injuries, it does sound like she'll be in hospital for some time, so we can hope she'll have stopped asking for her parents by then.

    It sounds horrible but little white fibs (or huge whopping black lies) are so necessary when dealing with this disease. I see no reason to tell her they are dead, you'll only get floods of tears and distress. No point in upsetting her when she'll just forget again in a while, but still have had that upset.

    Take care.
     

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