My mum has dementia and has recently become terrified of the dark. Has anyone else experienced this? I think her sleeping pattern has suddenly become confused. She's going to bed to early and possibly waking up in the early hours. I am in the process of organising live-in care for her but I'm worried that she will be too much for the carer if she isn't sleeping properly at night.
Mum terrified of the dark
- Thread starter missmole
- Start date
From the time my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's he benefitted from us leaving the light on all night in our adjoining shower room. He could find his way easily if he woke needing the toilet, and he didn't think of switching it off.
He also seemed to need lights on quite early in the evenings...It wasn't so much his eyesight, I think, as his ability to interpret what he was looking at, and the lighting helped.
He also needed the curtains closed in the evenings because the reflections worried him. He sometimes thought someone was outside looking in.
He also seemed to need lights on quite early in the evenings...It wasn't so much his eyesight, I think, as his ability to interpret what he was looking at, and the lighting helped.
He also needed the curtains closed in the evenings because the reflections worried him. He sometimes thought someone was outside looking in.
Thanks
Thanks to everyone who responded. Just knowing there are people going through similar things is a comfort. My mum is actually terrified of the dark before she even goes to bed. She has a night light. This started a few weeks ago. In fact she has gone downhill so much that we are looking to get live-in care. The keeping the curtains closed in the day is what my mum does too if it's a bright day. I've been trying to get her to the opticians for ages but she refuses. She had one cataract done a few years ago (which she hated) and I think she believes the optician will do the same thing to her other eye. Actually, now she wouldn't have a clue what I am talking about such is her decline.
Thanks to everyone who responded. Just knowing there are people going through similar things is a comfort. My mum is actually terrified of the dark before she even goes to bed. She has a night light. This started a few weeks ago. In fact she has gone downhill so much that we are looking to get live-in care. The keeping the curtains closed in the day is what my mum does too if it's a bright day. I've been trying to get her to the opticians for ages but she refuses. She had one cataract done a few years ago (which she hated) and I think she believes the optician will do the same thing to her other eye. Actually, now she wouldn't have a clue what I am talking about such is her decline.
Thanks for the suggestion of having an optician come to the house. I will try that. Yes, the live-in care option is hugely expensive. Mum has some savings and some equity in the house but she will have to go into a care home at some point. I am hoping she/we can afford live-in care until she no longer knows what is really going on. Horrible to say that I know but we went through this with my father-in-law and so, sadly, we know what is in store. Of course, my mum absolutely doesn't want any carers. She already complains about the ones that currently come at lunch-time but we will just have to stand firm. This is so difficult. Thank goodness for this forum - such lovely people, helpful advice and it's nice knowing I'm not the only one finding it extremely hard and stressful. x
My Ma went through this stage and I realised that bedtimes etc were not structured enough and so we put some firm structure around tea time to bed time hours and it really helped. We used to pop in at tea time, then back again to bring her to us for supper and a game of cards, then back for an hour or so of TV and then I would go and help her get ready for bed and give her a couple of paracetamol and a warm drink and she settled for the night. If you can begin to get structure before the live in carer starts and then brief her to continue it , this might help
That sounds very good advice. Unfortunately I live too far away and have a family/job. Tbh, mum should have had care before now but she has been so resistant to any form of help. She complains about the lunch-time carers and I had to cancel the ones that used to come at tea time because she complained so much. She has always been a very private, insular person even when my dad was alive. Sadly, I think she goes to bed early because she is bored. I just hope the live-in carers are able to entertain her a bit and keep her up for longer so that she doesn't wake in the middle of the night.
Hi,
Two things:
just ignore any complaints about carers and if the complaints don't stop then make excuses/ white lies.... " the doctor says" / "the cleaner/carer/cook/friend is desperate for work" sort of thing. We all have to do it.
For night-time I bought my mother some movement sensitive lights from the shop on this very website. They are brilliant and totally flexible.
Two things:
just ignore any complaints about carers and if the complaints don't stop then make excuses/ white lies.... " the doctor says" / "the cleaner/carer/cook/friend is desperate for work" sort of thing. We all have to do it.
For night-time I bought my mother some movement sensitive lights from the shop on this very website. They are brilliant and totally flexible.
I foresee that your mum will retreat to her bedroom to get away from the carer. This is what my mum did in the first year or two that she had live-in carers. Every time they left her alone to prepare a meal she would go to bed. Sometimes she would say she needed the loo but actually she was escaping to bed. It was difficult to manage. Some carers worked valiantly to engage with her and succeeded. Others she didn't like and was very nasty to them. Some were lazy and left her to it, which wasn't good for her physical health and handed on a problem to the next carer of increasing her mobility again.
At least she was usually asleep at night though. If your mum is up and down at all hours then the carer won't get her rest. However, I think it's an excellent idea to try live-in care on a trial basis, as respite care at home. That way you'll be getting reports on what she is actually doing 24/7 and suggestions about what might help her longer-term. This might be an agreeable compromise for your siblings as it will provide useful information to any potential future CH about your mum's routines and support needs.
They didn't keep her in bed but they would come on automatically as soon as she got out of bed. I used to leave her to wonder around the bungalow and placed the lights so her movements would trigger them. They go off automatically if there's no movement after 1 minute.
I also bought a blackout blind and tried to make sure she didn't sleep in the day. She had become obsessive about shutting the curtains with bulldog clips at night and pushing the furniture against the windows.
The lights made it safer for her and gave her a bit of reassurance I think. She stopped switching lights on previously and would wonder in the dark. In the end she lost a lot of her mobility after a stroke so we don't need them anymore.
Can I ask how you are arranging live in carers please? Are you using an agency or employing carers yourself. This is the option I'd like for my mom but my sister and brother are dead set on a care home.
My mom sounds so much like your mom I think we should put them together
I am using an agency - extremely expensive but my mum has some savings. My plan (if it's possible to plan in these circumstances) is for her to have a live-in carer until funds run out and then a care home
I hope by that stage she won't really know me or what's going on. The live-in carer starts on Monday and it will be very confusing for my mum but there is nothing else we can do. I can't live there as I have a family/job etc. She can't live with us because it would be way too confusing, we have loads of stairs, no downstairs loo etc etc. I am using the Good Care Agency as they are one of the few that have an outstanding CQC report (if that means anything) plus they have been recommended. So far they have been great to deal with. I was able to video Skype their selected carer and she seems lovely. I just hope my mum (whom I love dearly of course!) doesn't drive the carer away! I'll let you know how I get on. PS There is another agency that was recommended by a friend: Quality Carers. They find the carers but you employ them.
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