Mum still hanging on

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by AW1938, Aug 14, 2019.

  1. AW1938

    AW1938 Registered User

    Feb 11, 2017
    41
    Hello again, I am still sitting here everyday waiting for mum pass. It has now been 9 days since she had any fluids. Mum is mainly quite settled and sleeping on and off. The nurses tell me she will start to go cold when the end is coming. Currently her body is really quite warm. Is this always the case or could she just slip away? Her breathing appears very shallow.

    The other things I am noticing is a sweet smell around her. Her carers are washing her everyday and keeping her clean so I am not sure where this is coming from.

    Mum was started on the syringe driver 9 days ago, I had no idea it was going to take this long. I feel funny about it really. If we hadn't done this and she was more alert, would she be taking fluids and possibly food?
     
  2. chippiebites

    chippiebites Registered User

    Jun 27, 2018
    54
    Female
    I know with my Mum, the carers checked her feet were warm when ever they came in her room. So I did they same, my brother and I left her ( with warm feet) for 2 hours and she then passed away before we returned. That is often the way it seems. I don't remember a sweet smell though. I do think normally the breathing will change, normally noisier. I hope your Mum is soon at peace, and sending you love and strength.
     
  3. AW1938

    AW1938 Registered User

    Feb 11, 2017
    41
    Thank you
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,125
    Kent
    I`d trust the medics on this one. The purpose of a syringe driver, as I see it, is to help ensure the patient is pain free and comfortable throughout end of life care.

    It was decided to use a syringe driver for my husband but, even though it had been delivered to his care home, it took the district nurses two hours to arrive to install it. These two hours were two of the most heartbreaking of my life. Although my husband couldn`t tell us he was in pain the expression on his face told us everything we didn`t want to know.

    I hope this reassures you. Your mother is not suffering.
     
  5. AW1938

    AW1938 Registered User

    Feb 11, 2017
    41
    Thank you
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,881
    Female
    South coast
    Sometimes people with dementia hang on a long time before passing away - the body seems to hang on tenaciously.
    My mum went 17 days with no food or fluid and up until the last 3 days she was up and talking. I have a photo of her at this stage with her great- grandson (6 months old) - they are both banging teaspoons on the table and laughing their heads off. No-one looking at it would realise that mum was dying, but she was.

    People stop eating and drinking because their bodies are slowly shutting down. They dont die because they stop eating and drinking, they stop eating and drinking because they are dying. I suspect that the sweet smell that you are noticing is because some of the bodies processing of food is no longer functioning properly

    In her last 3 days of life mum was put on a syringe driver and her limbs did get cold. Her breathing also changed so that there were long gaps between some breaths.

    This is a very hard for the relatives/observers. I found myself wondering how it was possible that mum was still alive. There will be an end, though.
    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
     
  7. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    239
    Hugs to you xxx
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    290
    I’m so sorry, this is a hard time. I’m adopted & last year my biological mum passed slowly away, even though my poor mum was out of it - I used this precious time reading funny passages I knew she would love, chatting about all the stuff we didn’t get to do as if we were going to do it, telling her how much I loved her & I read a lot & listened quietly to music I knew she would like. I had a good old gossip with her, it was very one sided but she did squeeze my hand occasionally. This transition time is emotionally difficult, but the loved one/ patient is calmly slipping through it.
    I hope it will be peaceful
    Love & light to you both
    X
     
  9. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    290
    Just to say you are in my thoughts
    X
     

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