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Mum slipped away

wornoutbattling

Registered User
Aug 25, 2014
17
My darling wonderful brave Mum passed away on 25th Nov, I laid her to rest last Monday. I held her hands in mine for her last hours and she just slipped quietly away. Nothing could have prepared me for how I feel - the loss, the emptiness, the sadder- than-sadness. Feels like a blow from a drop hammer.

At almost 94 she had, as she always put it, "a good innings". But the last years of her life were so blighted by this terrible, vile disease.....

I know it will get easier to handle, and I am starting to get on with all the usual stuff - sort of. It's all just knocked me for six - harder than I could ever have expected it would. And I'm known as "one of life's copers". It's just that now, nothing seems to be the same somehow.

Well, I'm just so blessed that I was able to be with Mum almost full time during her last couple of weeks, even though she had declined into sleeping most of the time. I also had the pleasure of really getting to know my Mum over the last 5 years while I've been her main carer - I knew her better then than during the previous 55 years. Those later years in close contact enabled us both to lay to rest all the antagonism that had dogged our previous years - two opinionated characters became mother and daughter the way we never could be before.

Just want to thank you all out there, those who replied with support and suggestions to my previous posts asking for help, and those whose own posts have given me information and inspiration. xx
 

Dustycat

Registered User
Jul 14, 2014
215
North East
So sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum earlier this year and I wonder if the pain ever subsides. I doubt it. Christmas is a particularly hard time. I want to scream at friends who still have their mums to enjoy every minute as no one knows what is round the corner. Sending comfort your way. Xx
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,942
North East England
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your Mum, you will be grieving on so many levels, you've lost Mum, your role has changed and you are wondering what now?? Work at one task at a time and smile at times when the memories come, they won't all be sad ones.

Thinking of you, Maureen.x.
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
I am so sorry and can only offer my sincere sympathies at your loss.
Thanks for letting us know and you know TP is here if and when you need it.
Best wishes
 

janemit

Registered User
Sep 7, 2014
30
Thinking of you such a sad time. It's like a double loss one to dementia and then the person left. Hopefully you will cherish the happy times spent with your mum and remember the way she helped you become the person you are today
 

halojones

Registered User
May 7, 2014
438
Hi wob, I am so sorry for the sad loss of your lovely mum...its very touching that she passed with you holding her hand, caring and loving her....Like you, I have gotten to know my mum in a completely different way since we have been living together, and it is a truly magical time..I appreciate every single moment...very sad for you xxx...
 

keywest67

Registered User
Mar 19, 2012
169
Coventry
Hi, I'm very sorry you have lost your Mum, take comfort in the fact she was looked after and loved right till the end and she peacefully slipped away, I know how raw things are, I lost my Dad 3 weeks ago and the funeral was yesterday, I wish his death had been more peaceful which unfortunately it was not, I am sure in time our lives will be full again of doing positive happy things, and memories will be of happier times with our parents, I am very sorry for your loss xx
 

marsaday

Registered User
Mar 2, 2012
541
Sorry to hear about your loss. Lovely to hear though of the unexpected positive aspect -that the illness drew you closer than ever. I would agree that once the later stages are reached any resentments can be laid aside and the real love flourish. That's how it is with me and my Mum anyway.
 

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
Radcliffe on Trent
Hello, just wanting to add my sympathy for your loss. My mum also slipped peacefully away just about a month ago, after a year when everything went to,pieces so quickly I couldn't believe it. Take comfort in the memories that you have of the good times and be proud that you helped so much in the hard times.
 

meme

Registered User
Aug 29, 2011
1,953
London
so sorry for your loss...glad that you and Mum mellowed as time went on...often the way, and was so with me and my Mum too
 

VickyG

Registered User
Feb 6, 2013
327
Birmingham
Hi
So sorry to read of your loss, please accept my sincerest condolences. I think there's quite a few of us that will find this Christmas really difficult.
Take care xx
 

blandford516

Registered User
May 16, 2012
262
Worn,

Sorry to hear about your loss and glad you were able to be with your mum til the end . I lost my mum on the 30th and things are still raw . Like you I feel a bit lost and cannot seem to stay away from this site . It has been a huge part of my life for the past two years . I really thought I could carry on as usual but that does not seem to be the case really . Although I think I am doing ok . The tree is up ,cards opened ,Christmas shopping done . Keep thinking I must get mum a new nightie for Christmas and some more flowers But she has gone and dad. I have broken down a few times since the funeral ,but have to admit I became closer to mum the past two years than ever before . Although she was not the mum I always knew she was my new mum . Who kissed me told me she loved me ! I never had that before . All I know that it will get better in time and like you I have to give myself time to come to terms what happened to my mum and dad. I dont think I will ever get over it but we will learn to live with it knowing we did our very best . Thinking of you at your sad time x
 

Tomjo

Registered User
Oct 27, 2014
56
So sorry for your loss. I remember years ago my mum (who now has dementia) nursed her sister through terminal cancer. She was talking to me about it many months later and I remember her saying that the worst part about my auntie's death was the awful shock.

I think its one thing to know something in your head and quite another to accept it in your heart. I do hope you both find some peace during the days and weeks ahead. It must be so difficult.
 

wornoutbattling

Registered User
Aug 25, 2014
17
Hello,
I just wanted to thank you all for your wonderful support, and for sharing your own experiences and memories of your lost loved ones with me.

I haven't had the courage to come back onto this site again since my last post, knowing that it would affect me so much (as it has!). I find it difficult to do anything that involves me talking about Mum in the past tense. Part of my mind still seems to think that next week we'll be back to normal, me visiting, Mum asking me (in her own way) what I've been doing that morning, me treating Mum to a new nightdress ... found myself experiencing the idea that next Christmas would be better because Mum would be a little better ... or at least, still there. And most weirdly - this morning I got so upset about a letter from Mum's bank (not their fault, it was worded in most sympathetic terms) labelling Mum's account "the late ...". Mid-tears, picked up the phone to call Mum to share my upset .... very weird!

Generally trying to get on with stuff, but mind won't focus very long.

I'm going to head over to the forum about "afterwards" - maybe find some ideas there about how to adapt to not being a carer any more.

Thank you, one and all, lovely people. I wasn't a regular contributor, but when I did need you, you were there.

Love,
wob xxx