mum said shes going to commit suicide.

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Hi everyone

sorry i havent been around for a while but there has been so much going on both with my own health but with various other stuff as well.

mum has mild cognitive impairment (although it doesnt seem that mild to me!) and she constantly repeats herself. i have been with her to the memory clinic and she now has a cpn going in to see her.

anyway, to cut a long long story short i was on the phone to her yesterday and she said she was going to committ suicide. i asked her how she was going to do this and she said there are plenty of pills in the house which she could easily take. i was annoyed at her saying this and told her she was being totally selfish and what did she think would happen to whoever found her lying on the floor dead. she would be wrecking their life by the trauma etc. i must admit i did raise my voice and told her that was the worst most selfish self centred thing she had ever said! a similar thing happened last week and i did jump in the car and drive the 20 miles to make sure she was ok but i cant always do this as most of you will know i have a 3 year old and its not easy.

i phoned her doc this morning and then the cpn who was supposed to be seeing her today but cannot go until tomorrow. she asked if i could go to mums and remove the pills. mum is one of the strongest willed people i have ever met and she is always right and everyone else is wrong. i woudnt go as far as saying she is a bully but shes a force to be reckoned with and the thought of going into her house and removing the tabs is scary as i know she would go absolutely ballistic and im not willing to put my 3 year old through the trauma of seeing that. my brothers and sisters are all away on holiday and alan (hubby) is working in somerset (im in scotland) so theres no one that could watch my wee one.

i actualy feel physically sick at the thought of all this and just needed to vent a bit i guess. i just dont know what to do and i need some advice please.

Linda x
 

Sooe

Registered User
Nov 10, 2008
111
Oh Linda how awful for you, can't give any advice I am afraid, maybe its just attention seeking, and hoping you will go running, hopefully it is just something she is voicing and I feel that not many people could actually go through with it so easily. Next time your down, I would just sneak the tablets out from everywhere before you go, she can then vent on her own and not put you through arguments about it. Hope it gets easier for you x
 

Butter

Registered User
Jan 19, 2012
6,738
NeverNeverLand
Maybe you do not have to try and remove the pills if she prevents you? Of course you cannot have a fight.
It sounds a terrible thing to say - I hope you don't mind - but people do not need pills to kill themselves. You could give her the phone number of The Samaritans.
I think I would drive over if I could, but not join in any scene. And certainly I would make sure the small child was not frightened - before anything else.
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
Dear Linda,

This is such a dreadful and stressful thing to have to cope with and you have my sympathy.

I wonder whether you might benefit from actually ringing the Samaritans yourself. They may be able to help you with ways in which to deal with this. They may enlighten you and help ease some of the worry. It would be worth giving it a try as you need all the help you can get. You may be surprised at what support might be there for you.

Love
 

chris53

Registered User
Nov 9, 2009
2,929
London
Hello Linda, am so sorry mum has taken this path and cry for help, you are so brave to cope with this:eek: can mums doctor come and see her today? think you really have to be a drama queen with doctor as such a stressful situation for you and your family, could the doctor remove these pills? so there is no chance she could take them? you need medical help for mum TODAY and if doc or CPN cannot come they must give a valid reason, this is an emergency situation and they MUST help

Am sending you a hug and my thoughts are with you, please let us know how things are

Chris x
 

Crikey

Registered User
Dec 12, 2010
82
Scotland
Hi Linda

I am so very sorry you are having to go through something so distressing. My mother made repeated suicide threats earlier this year. I realised that I couldn't judge whether they were real or attention seeking or guilt provoking, and I was terrified by them (and 200 miles away). During the first round, I called her GP (and one of the doctors called her up.) She denied everything, and was blazing with fury with me for interfering. During the second round, I called the Samaritans. They will make outreach calls to someone you are concerned about. She refused to talk to them. I've also asked her if she wants me to call the paramedics. She threatened me, in very unpleasant ways, if I called anyone.

Every now and then I still get messages along the lines of "If you do not phone me (or do X, or do Y) I will kill myself" but I try my hardest not to get drawn into the awful game of guilt and threat and manipulation (and it's so very hard to close my ears to it and she knows this.)

I would recommend a call to the Samaritans--on your behalf as you deal with the fear and worry of this, as well as hers. They were incredibly supportive.
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
thanks for your swift replies.

i have tried to get mum to come over here and stay with me for a few days or even to get her out of the house but she just says she needs to be 'in' just in case someone comes. who this 'someone' is she doesnt know herself but she doesnt want to miss 'them'. as for phoning the samaritans (which would in a normal mind be rational) she would absolutely refuse to do as she keeps saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with her and then a few minutes later admit there is a problem so we go round and round in circles of denial and then admitting it.

i am also absolutely positive that if mum was to be asked re talking of suicide she would deny it completely and make out i have made this up.

the cpn i spoke to this morning said she would send another cpn to see her today and she herself would go tomorrow. i have said i will be there tomorrow for her visit.

this all just seems so surreal as for months its me who has been investigated but mum has gone down hill very very fast and i guess im handling it as well as i can but i am really struggling.

linda x
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Hi Linda

I am so very sorry you are having to go through something so distressing. My mother made repeated suicide threats earlier this year. I realised that I couldn't judge whether they were real or attention seeking or guilt provoking, and I was terrified by them (and 200 miles away). During the first round, I called her GP (and one of the doctors called her up.) She denied everything, and was blazing with fury with me for interfering. During the second round, I called the Samaritans. They will make outreach calls to someone you are concerned about. She refused to talk to them. I've also asked her if she wants me to call the paramedics. She threatened me, in very unpleasant ways, if I called anyone.

Every now and then I still get messages along the lines of "If you do not phone me (or do X, or do Y) I will kill myself" but I try my hardest not to get drawn into the awful game of guilt and threat and manipulation (and it's so very hard to close my ears to it and she knows this.)

I would recommend a call to the Samaritans--on your behalf as you deal with the fear and worry of this, as well as hers. They were incredibly supportive.
Thank you crikey so much.

this sounds very very like the type of thing mum would do and i am sooooo relieved to read your post.

thanks from the bottom of my heart.

linda x
 

counttoten

Registered User
Apr 17, 2012
23
Hi Linda,
I do not want in any way to minimise your mother's situation and I am not a trained health professional.
But the evidence is that usually people who do commit suicide do not tell people. They plan it in secret.
When my mother threatens to kill herself I try to change the subject. My mother's threats are usually 'I will kill myself if I do not get my car keys back', so I have little choice but to ignore her wishes as she must not drive.
Is your mother on anti-depressants? These have helped my mother to a degree and alzheimers must be fairly depressing to be suffering from (even if the sufferer is in denial)! Anti-depressants (when they work) can help 'lift the cloud', 'clear the head' etc....
You have my sympathies and you are right to put your child's wellbeing first. Three-year-olds need their mother's attention, whatever demands for attention are cropping up elsewhere!
Love L
xx
 

ceris

Registered User
Jun 7, 2012
67
Bedfordshire
Hi Linda,

Hi there. My father kept on saying this too, after the death of my mum who had AD - and it's really horrible to listen to. Eventually, I'm afraid, after repeated visits by GP and cpn, and being on anti-depressants, he was sectioned, not because anyone really believed that he would actually do it, but because his level of depression and the amount of threat he was making became too great to be managed at home, even with carers. This was before he was diagnosed as having AD. I don't know what advice to give you, but just saying, I know what it's like and you mustn't give in to guilt, etc, but allow his GP etc to deal with it - you may well need to push it to get the help you need. Please take care of yourself if you already have health issues, and, I'd agree with other posters - your child must come first.

Very best wishes to you.
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Hi Linda,
I do not want in any way to minimise your mother's situation and I am not a trained health professional.
But the evidence is that usually people who do commit suicide do not tell people. They plan it in secret.
When my mother threatens to kill herself I try to change the subject. My mother's threats are usually 'I will kill myself if I do not get my car keys back', so I have little choice but to ignore her wishes as she must not drive.
Is your mother on anti-depressants? These have helped my mother to a degree and alzheimers must be fairly depressing to be suffering from (even if the sufferer is in denial)! Anti-depressants (when they work) can help 'lift the cloud', 'clear the head' etc....
You have my sympathies and you are right to put your child's wellbeing first. Three-year-olds need their mother's attention, whatever demands for attention are cropping up elsewhere!
Love L
xx
thanks for your help.

when i spoke to the cpn this morning i said the same thing to her re telling people if they want to commit suicide or not telling if they are serious but she disagreed with me and said this isnt always the case so thats why im worried. mum isnt on any medication at all yet but the dr this morning said she may have to have some medication but what type he meant i dont know. i can understand mum is unhappy and maybe this is her way of crying for help and i know i shouldnt have raised my voice to her but i just thought the gently gently approach would have had the opposite effect on her and made her feel worse. i know she is lonely and misses my dad (he died 13 years ago) as well as her memory problems but i feel like im being pulled from every direction and im trying to please everyone but i just cant do it on my own. i am also taking her for her brain scan next week which one minute she says she will go to and the next she has no intention of going and doesnt need to aaaggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Thanks again

Linda x
 

counttoten

Registered User
Apr 17, 2012
23
Hi Linda,

It was irresponsible of me to suggest that your mother's threat isn't real - sorry.
My father still cares for my mother so I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be to be the 'first port of call' for your mother. It is good that the cpn and GP are taking your mother's situation seriously, as you need them to step in.
If you have a three year old (who you rightly don't want to take into a flamable situation) and your husband is away, you cannot be in 2 places at once and must not feel guilty
Love L
xx
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Hi Linda,

It was irresponsible of me to suggest that your mother's threat isn't real - sorry.
My father still cares for my mother so I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must be to be the 'first port of call' for your mother. It is good that the cpn and GP are taking your mother's situation seriously, as you need them to step in.
If you have a three year old (who you rightly don't want to take into a flamable situation) and your husband is away, you cannot be in 2 places at once and must not feel guilty
Love L
xx
Hi again

please please dont apologise for what you said as i didnt take any offence to it at all. all help is welcome lol !!

i just phoned mum to see how she is and she said the nurse phoned her to see if she was ok and asked her if she was depressed. mum seemed a bit bemused at this suggestion and she said she told her she was fine really just a bit fed up!!!! we will see what happens this aft when the cpn visits her. i said i'd go and see her tomorrow. what did cheer mum up though was speaking to my daughter on the phone so that was great.

thanks again

linda x
 

counttoten

Registered User
Apr 17, 2012
23
Hi Linda,
Thanks for coming back with the kind words! Hope the cpn visit goes OK and keep us updated!
Lxx
 

grove

Registered User
Aug 24, 2010
7,723
North Yorkshire
Hello Linda , Just sending much Love , Peace & Strength for today & in the days to come & am thinking of you & your Mum

Take Care & hope you have a good visit with your Mum when you go next

Love & Hugs

Love Grove x x x
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,098
England
My husband went through quite a long period of saying he would commit suicide. He was feeling his pulse on his wrist and I asked him did he feel unwell and having a check and he said no, he was looking for the best place to slit his wrists he had had enough. Needless to ay all knives were hidden and at meal times I was running around with two knives up my sleeve for us to use. I had no problem removing medication as he was no longer able to take it safely. One day he got out of the house and did run into the road at 5.45pm when the rush hour traffic was in full flow. Talk of suicide always came at he times he was more lucid and had that small window of knowing what was happening to him. Other than advice on removing what was available to him for carrying out such a threat nothing was done. Now he is in assessment and medication much higher and due to be transfered to EMI nursing all this has gone and I don't think it will come back because the shutters are down on the little window. It is worrying though and should not be dismissed too lightly.
Jay
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
Dear Linda,

I didn't mean your mum phoning the Samaritans, I meant YOU. They might be able to help you to deal with your mum and help you with coping strategies, information and advice. Mention of suicide is dreadful for the 'hearer'. It is an awful thing to have to bear and the Samaritans will know this more than most. They could help YOU.:)

Love Helen xx
 

linda1scot

Registered User
Aug 2, 2011
416
53
north lanarkshire
Dear Linda,

I didn't mean your mum phoning the Samaritans, I meant YOU. They might be able to help you to deal with your mum and help you with coping strategies, information and advice. Mention of suicide is dreadful for the 'hearer'. It is an awful thing to have to bear and the Samaritans will know this more than most. They could help YOU.:)

Love Helen xx
oh DOH!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHA sorry helen lol thought you meant mum woops.

hugs

linda xxx