mum`s not well

Geraldine

Registered User
Oct 17, 2003
143
Nottingham
Hello there

In the weeks before and after Mum's admittance to an EMI Nursing home I have never felt such utter despair and desolation combined with almost euphoric relief. No-one who has not been through it can have any comprehnsion of the feelings and emotions involved. I have a very good friend whose own Mum had to go into a home due to stroke about a year after mine. She told me later

"I thought I understood what you were going through - now that I have been there myself I realise what a foolish remark that was"

God bless

Geraldine
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Geraldine
How very, very true. Unfortunately you have to experience a situation yourself to fully appreciate and understand others emotions, sadness, fears, guilts, angers, frustrations with upsetting times. Mum went into EMI nursing home on Tuesday and already looks great after 1 day, ( I visited last night, but dont tell dad!!). It looks like mum will be well cared for and look forward to seeing dad begin his new ways and regain some of his strength. On that note, I can only express some happy emotion that dad will be happy and mum will be extra specially cared for.... and what a few days, weeks, months, years of "stuff" we`ve been through, and more to come, I`m sure.....Thanks dad for doing so, so much xxxx
thanks for listening and take care all....
jakky
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Hello
mums been at her EMI home for over two weeks (absolutely flown by!!) and everything is as well as could be expected.

The excellent work that the staff do is to be applauded. Brilliant.

I visited, after tea last night, and mum was laughing and smiling. (ok, tears later but, eh...!!)
The highlight of the visit, while holding hands, was mum saying "I love you" xxx. I shall remember that moment for sure....


thanks for listening and take care.....
jakky
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Well, its been 3 weeks since mum moved into her EMI home. dad has visited everyday, and has been getting on with other stuff that probably could not have been done while mum was at home(catching up).
Dad is looking alot more refreshed now....
I visited mum last night , after tea, and mum looks well cared for and appears quite happy and settled down. Still shows signs of confusion, upset and frustration, however, compared to mum five weeks ago, transformation is a major result for mum and dad.
acceptance of mums illness has probably been hardest to cope with, like so many of the posts on TP, "WHY MY MUM?"
mum says "I love you" and I know deep down, mum does not know who I am, (maybe denial on my part, not wanting to believe there is anything wrong)
fortunately these seem to be the only words mum can say without being prompted and I am just taking some little comfort in them.
The family(including my wife, as she has been my rock) are moving forward as best we can and will keep reading and posting.

jakky
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Thanks so much for letting us know how things are. It must be so hard for you, as it's your mum.

I feel for all of you who are caring for mum or dad. What a role reversal, it cannot come easy.

So glad things are settling down, take care now, Connie
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
......and we move on to 1 month in the EMI nursing home,
still asking Why? Why? Why? absolutely Big "bag`o` ****"

however, visited mum yesterday, as it being assessment day, and now we have to move forward to "Long Term nursing care". - still at the same place, so mum does not have to move.....bit of a bonus, which we, all family, are ok with. We all appreciate the work that the staff do, and thank them all.
We all share that same feeling now, "for mums sake", we all agreed that coping at home would put far too much strain on all concerned,
(whats best for mum)....Are we right to do this?? Whats next??
love for parents is sometimes strange to understand, coping with stuff is strange, everything is taken for granted that all is ok, part of growing up I s`pose.
Don`t ya just wish sometimes that :-

"once upon a time.......................and lives happy ever after"

having a **** day!!!

thanks for listening and take care

jakky
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Mums enjoying her sixth week in EMI, flown by, :cool: ;)

I don`t believe this....but hey, it happened!!!

You visit ya mum just after tea, great, fortunately still mobile, just, mum walks off down the corrider while I am speaking with the EMI sister...ok so far,
We both (mum and me) go to the main lounge and sit watching a bit of TV and Cilla Black was on.
Mum looked at the TV, realised recognition and smiled. Some black and white TV cartoon came on shortly after, and she laughed out quite loudly, I don`t think mum knew what was on, but hey!!!

Mum soon got up out of the chair for a short walk, and I suggested a sit down in the small lounge, adjacent to the main lounge, which gladly mum obliged to.
I noticed a sponge type football sitting on the floor and picked it up and started bouncing it, as you do. I noticed mum following the bounce of the ball with her eyes.
"What`s this" I thought, I suggested "Shall we play catch it".
"Yeah", :p was the reply
Is this weird or what??:confused:

I threw the ball, from 4-5 feet away, and mum caught the ball in both hands,
ok.. mum missed a couple of others, and still managed to catch three more times.
Best bit of this show:

Dad came through the door, just as mum was catching the third time.....
His genuine smile hasn`t been like that for sometime

With all this illness, and all the fighting mum is doing, we know deep down the outcome, but these little "gifts of enjoyment" that come by are such a treasure......

Thanks for listening and take care....

jakky
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
I suggested "Shall we play catch it".
"Yeah", was the reply
Is this weird or what??
not at all! Mum realises how important communication between you both is. For her, this is as good as talking.

I was so pleased to see your news. So pleased it seems to be going well.
 

daughter

Registered User
Mar 16, 2005
824
Hi Jakky,

We often play catch with Dad - it always amazes me how well he can still do this from quite a distant too. When the weather keeps us indoors we also play roll-the-sponge-ball-across-the-table-to-each-other, stopping it from going off the edge.

So pleased you made some lovely memories with your Mum - and your Dad saw the catch too - brilliant!

Best wishes,
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Mum has been in EMI for eight weeks.

I have printed this thread off and I placed it in dads car on friday 7th April. I asked him to read it when he got home. I spoke with him yesterday, but there were others around that didn`t give me the chance to ask whether he had read it.

It was a difficult time on friday, placing the printed thread in his car, as this was a "choker" day.
I had just visited mum, so innocent, (maybe oblivious) and driving away from EMI when dad was coming in the opposite direction towards EMI. I waved him down and spoke about mum being relaxed and comfortable, looking well and happy"ish"and noticed a lovely bouquet in the back seat.
(Oh dear..."choke time"!!!)
My eyes "welled up", I choked up and said "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY DAD"
(48 years).

Mum continues to stay strong and still fights on. I know mum won`t give up fighting, which means we must battle on with mum!!

thanks for listening and take care.....

jakky
 

zan

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
96
57
staffordshire
Only just read your thread of the 23rd, but I'm very glad that you had such a good visit and hope that you have many more good ones. It sounds like your Mum has settled into her new home. It's probably more difficult for your Dad and yourself to cope with than for your Mum now. Enjoy every moment you can. Take care, love Zan
 

Gromit

Registered User
Apr 3, 2006
187
Edinburgh
Wet keyboard!

Jakky,

Your story is so moving - I must remind myself not to read these at work - tears in the office can be quite noticeable - I think your choker moment really got to me - especially when you said "Happy Anniversary Dad".

My Dad is suffering short term memory loss - but we can't get him to a doctor (there is a thread on this website with lots of wonderful advice given to me) - so I cannot relate to what you must be going through as we don't even know if anything is wrong with Dad yet (quite certain it is something tho'). My parents have been married 47 years last March, perhaps again this is why your story touched me. Mum admitted crying in the bathroom when I spoke to her on the phone today - Dad just seems to be changing, and he is getting very morbid too! I think it was all a bit too much for mum. Anyway I have made her promise to phone me next time and not bottle it up (I live 200+ miles away).

I visited them two weeks ago and am going down to see them again today (set off in 15mins!!!) for the Easter hols. So I am really looking forward to it and am certainly going to cherish all the moments I can get with them both together!

Thank you for sharing your story - its a privilege to even read it.
Wishing you all the very best and sending you a big cuddle.
Gromit.
x
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
Mums now spent 3 months in EMI, absolutely whizzed past.
Dad has visited most days, evenings, and also took some time out for himself, (which we believe is essential for dad).
Mum has grown quite fond of her surroudings, with all the staff included. Mum is very pleasant to staff, responding at most times to their suggestions, ( "can you stand up straight for me", "can you lift your head up for me". Mum still understands stuff, :)
Mum, (at the right time) , can laugh, smile, grin, walk, play, speak when prompted, be responsive, and pose, I mean unbelievably pose, and actually wink at ya, (this was for the piccys bit :p ) :) :)
All this exceptional behaviour is expressed through my own thoughts especially since:-
Dad called CPN on monday as an emergency assessment while mums rapid deterioration continues. Something to be prepared for and actually being told are very different issues. The guy , himself, truly professional and sensitive, which was relaxing and comforting, then began with " you know your mums dying, she is in terminal stage now and this is her brain shutting down". Dad didnt let on and I suppose I didnt really, but emotion can`t hide and it hit me later after I analysed what was said.
However, I`m glad I have been told what is happening to mum now and we can go forward with the help mum, and dad needs.
I think I`m trying to say that my mum has changed so much, while being at EMI, and has since become more of mum that we once knew. Kinda fighting back, and just strolling on. So we fight on with mum......
I know this is unusual, but hey, this is what makes people unique individuals....
Thanks for listening and take care.....

jakky
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Jakky,
I am so pleased your mum is doing so well; I remember reading the other psoting when you first made it. Lets hope it continues for a good long time.
Love Amy
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
Hey Jacky, thanks for the up-date, and I'm really pleased to hear that your Mum's happy & settled now.

jakky said:
I know this is unusual, but hey, this is what makes people unique individuals....
jakky
You know, I'm not absolutely sure it IS unusual, once people have settled. There have been several threads on here saying (paraphrasing here) 'she used to ask to come home with us, but now she seems much happier & that doesn't happen'.

I know the interim period, whilst they are confused and adjusting to the new place, must be hell (I haven't reached that bridge yet) but I hope that most AD sufferers do find a kind of peace once they feel secure again. Maybe it IS better than (for instance) being fearful in their own home, because they see imaginary people who they feel threatened by. Perhaps we (carers) find it impossible to divorce our own distress from what we see as their distress. We rationalise, but they can't any longer.

I hope your post today will give comfort to people wrestling with their consciences about whether their loved ones NEED to be in a care home of some sort. It's NOT a heartless decision, far from it. It may be the most difficult one we ever have to make.