1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Maggiemay46

    Maggiemay46 Registered User

    May 20, 2015
    2
    Hi. I,m new to talking point. Hope to find some answers and support and offer personal experience if i can. Mums a widow living in a managed retirement flat. Carers in and out through the day. Has a dog. Thats another story. Another time. Language is poor. Missing out major chunks of a sentence or stopping half way because she cant remember what she is talking about. Slowing has been getting worse and agitated at times. I think the main stress at the moment is that mum is becoming a bit of a "nuisance neighbour". Knocking on doors and forgetting why, then getting agitated, loud television, left on all night. Barking dog thats weed on the communal carpet! Problems i cant do much about, but get calls about and expected to sort it. I,m not local to mum, work and have a family (guilt feelings again). I feel they want me to take the problems away. I see mum a couple of times a week and brother lives locally. Also works full time and has younger family. Shes becoming antisocial and i cant see that that is going to improve.
     
  2. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Could you find the dog a new home and say its "on a holiday". The antisocial behaviour is terrible. My mums neighbours went to the police who contacted social services. The neighbours were more concerned than angry and did not want an asbo or anything like that. It made me feel so bad when I realised how difficult she was being. They were very forgiving as she had been wonderful to them for years - she cooked their Christmas turkey fpr them every year because they couldnt cook!

    All this might be a sign that your mum is struggling to cope and needs more help. Can you get telecare with a button for her? Maybe ask social services to assess her needs.
     
  3. Maggiemay46

    Maggiemay46 Registered User

    May 20, 2015
    2
    Hi, Thanks for your reply.
    Mums very attached to the dog and we fear as a family that she would be worse without her. The dementia care team have assessed her and she is getting an extra care visit soon. She does have a telecare service and we have looked at assisted living flats but it is too far away in an unfamiliar place and she wont go without the dog with her. I think you're right that it may be worth speaking to the dementia care team regarding her antisocial behavior. I don't think, as she has had the dog for years, it will be helpful to claim it is on holiday. I believe she will find this too stressful as she loves her dog like a child and so wouldn't react well.
     
  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    Sounds like you are at some sort of cross road, getting extra carers in will help your mum. The neighbours are something that could very easily and quickly spiral out of control, is there anything you can do to ease this situation, maybe talking to them? I understand completely about the relationship your mum has with her dog, is it getting enough exercise? Is there a dog walking service in the area or a volunteer service that may help? Its awful this illness because at some point we children have to step in to make the right decision for our parents.
     
  5. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Maybe a local animal charity would help your mum care for the dog and walk it? Its also another regular visitor who your mum would be happy to see if its for the dog.
     
  6. StressedOut2

    StressedOut2 Registered User

    Feb 5, 2015
    2
    My Mom had a dog as well and was very attached to it. She took the dog EVERYWHERE with her even to the bathroom. She treated her like a person, wanting to buy her a doll, get her to color in a book, showed her picture books, etc. The little dog got sick and we had to have her put down. My moms dementia had progressed to the point that she has, what I call, detached emotions. Although she was distraught for a couple days, it quickly passed and within a 5-7 days hasn't mentioned the dog at all. I, too, worried and worried and worried about what would happen if something happened to her dog but in the end my worries were worse than the reality. Do what you think best for her, it sounds like she is in the same stage as my mom-your worries may be worse than the reality.
     

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