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Mum recently diagnosed with vascular dementia and alzheimer's

Crownlyn

New member
Apr 9, 2022
9
0
Hello,
First time on this site and I am feeling quite scared.
My dad passed away aged 76 about 4 years ago with stomach cancer and between myself and my mum we cared for him (I am an only child). I noticed my mum struggled with his care but after he passed away she was okayish and we had some good times, although I knew something wasn't quite right. Then two weeks before lockdown her brother passed away suddenly with a heart attack. Lockdown followed and my mum got steadily worse with her memory and confusion. I was concerned so wrote to our GP and she was referred for a CT scan where she was diagnosed.
She currently lives alone in a bungalow that is far too big but has lived there for nearly 50 years, she is 86.
When we spoke with her consultant she acted as though she was fine but she is forgetting to take her medication (T2 diabetic, HBP, Thyroid) and even more worrying I think she is forgetting to eat. We are currently waiting for the NHS pre sorted dosette box.
She hasn't started the memory medication they prescribed as she is scared of the side effects.
I cleared her fridge and freezer yesterday and everything was out of date and she had got a lamb chop out to defrost and eat but it had obviously been out for some time!
However if I say anything she can be a bit stroppy and say bloody hell I'm alright. I have offered her to live with us, she refuses and we can probably convert the garage but again she is saying no.
How long can she live alone, especially when she thinks she is okay.
I am obviously worried as this is going to get worse. At the moment I cannot even think of a care home.
Is anyone else in the same position?
Thank you for reading x
 
Last edited:

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,043
0
Kent
Hello @Crownlyn Welcome.

Please don`t feel scared about posting on the forum. This is a safe place and your concerns will be respected.

The medication your mother needs is very important and I`m sure you don't need me to tell you this. Would it be possible to get someone in to give her medication to ensure she takes it regularly?

I would discuss as little as possible with your mother. The less you say the less she will be able to disagree with. I found with my mother, it was easier to do things without asking or telling and I did it as unobtrusively as possible.

If you could get someone in to offer her medication and perhaps make her a sandwich or heat some food for her it would take a lot of worry off your shoulders.

I hope the following link will be of help.


This is a very supportive community and I`m sure you will have lots of replies from others who will be able to share their similar experiences.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,836
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Crownlyn and a warm welcome from me too.
Do you have Lasting Power of Attorney to help manage your mum's affairs? If not I'd try to get that sorted. Although my mum refused to go to the memory clinic she did agree to POA, mainly because a friend told her it was a good idea. With POA you would be able to arrange for someone to come in to supervise medication etc. My mum didn't have any medication that was critical to her well-being but never got on with a dosette box, as by then her eyesight was too bad and the whole thing confused her too much.
Keep posting, you'll find lots of support here.
 

Crownlyn

New member
Apr 9, 2022
9
0
Hi Grannie G
Thank you, I actually saw that piece of writing yesterday and printed it off. It will definitely help me try to understand what my mum is going through and how I should try and deal with it. It answers a lot of questions that I was going to post on here about whether I remind her that she forgot or just ignore it etc.

I just don't think my mum is ready for anyone going in to give her her medication and make a sandwich, she will say I can make my own sandwich, although she knows she's getting muddled with her meds. I will try the dosette box first but if that doesn't work out then I can look at someone or myself going in each morning.

Sarasa, when my dad passed away 4 years ago, one of his close friends suggested we should do a lasting power of attorney for mum so thankfully that is all in order.

Are there people that specialise in visiting to give medication or do I try and find a friend to do it?

Many thanks for your replies x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,043
0
Kent
Are there people that specialise in visiting to give medication or do I try and find a friend to do it?

I`m not sure about this. I thought carers could give prescribed medication but was corrected on this forum and told it must be someone medical.

Family carers, partners and adult children are not medical but are allowed to give medication and I can`t see the difference.

It looks as if agency carers can offer prescribed medication following the correct guidelines.

 

try again

Registered User
Jun 21, 2018
441
0
My mum's carers give her all her meds now.
First step in power of attorney, attendance allowance, council tax rebate. My mother managed with a box for a short while, then we got echo shows to be able to drop in and when that no longer worked initially got carers twice a day. Due to incontinence and losing ability to do anything in the kitchen, this was increased to 3 then 4 times a day. Luckily this worked well when she had antibiotics to take . This week it's been increased to include a night visit as she was drenched in the morning and was refusing to go to bed for fear of messing it .
My advice is to not get too frazzled before you get social worker involved. I struggled with the accusations when trying to do my best for her and reached burn out 6 months ago - still haven't recovered. You can't be on empty while sorting out social workers etc. A good thing about getting them involved is that you can blame the carers on the doctor/social system. A cop out but anything for an easier life.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,427
0
South coast
Carers can give medication, but only from the packaging you get from the pharmacy (either the drug boxes, or dossette boxes made up by the pharmacy) that has got all instructions (what it is, when you give it and how much) plus the right name on the label on the box. They cannot give injections, or covert (ie hidden in food or drink) medication or drugs given "as and when". Family may be able to give this, but carers cant - it would require a qualified nurse.
 

Crownlyn

New member
Apr 9, 2022
9
0
My mum's carers give her all her meds now.
First step in power of attorney, attendance allowance, council tax rebate. My mother managed with a box for a short while, then we got echo shows to be able to drop in and when that no longer worked initially got carers twice a day. Due to incontinence and losing ability to do anything in the kitchen, this was increased to 3 then 4 times a day. Luckily this worked well when she had antibiotics to take . This week it's been increased to include a night visit as she was drenched in the morning and was refusing to go to bed for fear of messing it .
My advice is to not get too frazzled before you get social worker involved. I struggled with the accusations when trying to do my best for her and reached burn out 6 months ago - still haven't recovered. You can't be on empty while sorting out social workers etc. A good thing about getting them involved is that you can blame the carers on the doctor/social system. A cop out but anything for an easier life.
 

Crownlyn

New member
Apr 9, 2022
9
0
I suppose if the wrong meds are given someone will be in big trouble! I am hoping the dosette box will help before I need to think of the next step.
I didn't even know a social worker becomes involved - I obviously have a lot to learn about all of this in the coming months.....