Couldn't have phrased it better myself. That's the hardest thing is seeing the misery and upset. Hate saying it but Covid has taken away the expectation on yourself to visit so the guilt isn't there as much because you can't go. Once things reopen again of course you look forward to seeing them but at the same time have this feeling of what are we going to see today! At Christmas we had a "decent" visit where as we had a test we could give her a hug. The last visit in January though was horrendous with tears and sobbing all the way through. I never saw my mum cry, even when dad died, before all this and now it's all she does,. If an animal was suffering like this you wouldn't put them through it. I'm not advocating euthanasia of any kind as it's an incredibly difficult subject matter and it's so difficult for doctors but I found myself asking why keep her medicated? Why give her antibiotics for something that might let her go? She is on medication for her heart etc, all the same meds that she was on prior to dementia which of course can be life saving when there is still life, independence and capacity , but when the person is going down mentally and physically why keep that medication going as it just prolongs suffering. Such a difficult discussion.So many familiar stories here- especially when it comes to how it feels to watch the decline of someone with dementia. @Elaine65 -I've not visited my parents yet, but guilt and dread is what I feel when I call them. Rationallly, there is nothing I can do to improve their situation, but it is still awful and stressful. @Max68 I too find myself partially wishing my mum would go peacefully in her sleep, because I can't see her ever adapting to this new phase of life. Being adaptive wasn't in her personality before dementia, so I can't see it developing now. My mum is 85 and her mother, aunts and grandmother all lived well into their 90s , so I need to find a way to deal with the stress of seeing her so persistently miserable.